Highlighting the traits...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all,

First post for in here, thankyou to some of the previous posters messages and the insights they have provided. 

I will start by saying I have a very supportive network of friends and family and they have really made a difference for me.  I am now in the process of planning all of the legal stuff with the hope that I can sort out a solution without having to go to court but being realistic about the fact that it most definettly will go to court at some stage. 

My problem is that my uBPDexgf is very high functioning and is studying psycology herself.  I am going to have trouble bringing out all her previous history when it comes to court or to prove the diagnosis.  With the communication techniques I am hoping to not agrivate her so that she is stable for our son before court and I can get a solution without going down that pathway. 

I have recently read about 8 books on BPD and High conflict divorce etc.  It really does scare me as I know she isn't stupid and would be aware of whatever I am trying to do 2 steps before doing it with court. 

What information should I concentrate on collecting and what are your experiences with these cases.  Any particular refrence points to start searching articles?  I want to ensure that I have as much knowledge as I can and build up a database of scholary articles on the topic so I can when it comes down to it have her saying she knows what's best and then handover a body of research to show her that she is being selective with the information she is providing. 

I feel the more I interact at the moment the more ill get to stand up for our sons rights in the long term no matter how much it pains me at the moment. 

What are your experiences with ways they have dug a hole for themselves and how have you protected yourself from their efforts to dig a hole for you? 

Im starting to see how long and drawn out this will be with her resisting the process all along. 

[Aussie JJ]

Hi all,

First post for in here, thankyou to some of the previous posters messages and the insights they have provided. 

I will start by saying I have a very supportive network of friends and family and they have really made a difference for me.  I am now in the process of planning all of the legal stuff with the hope that I can sort out a solution without having to go to court but being realistic about the fact that it most definettly will go to court at some stage. 

My problem is that my uBPDexgf is very high functioning and is studying psycology herself.  I am going to have trouble bringing out all her previous history when it comes to court or to prove the diagnosis.  With the communication techniques I am hoping to not agrivate her so that she is stable for our son before court and I can get a solution without going down that pathway. 

I have recently read about 8 books on BPD and High conflict divorce etc.  It really does scare me as I know she isn't stupid and would be aware of whatever I am trying to do 2 steps before doing it with court. 

What information should I concentrate on collecting and what are your experiences with these cases.  Any particular refrence points to start searching articles?  I want to ensure that I have as much knowledge as I can and build up a database of scholary articles on the topic so I can when it comes down to it have her saying she knows what's best and then handover a body of research to show her that she is being selective with the information she is providing. 

I feel the more I interact at the moment the more ill get to stand up for our sons rights in the long term no matter how much it pains me at the moment. 

What are your experiences with ways they have dug a hole for themselves and how have you protected yourself from their efforts to dig a hole for you? 

Im starting to see how long and drawn out this will be with her resisting the process all along. 

[Aussie JJ]

Specifically negative effects of BPD on children and high functioning BPD's.  The more I know the more I can avoid the arguments and highlight the behaviour. 

[Unleashed]

The age of your kid?  Technology is cheap. Go to Ebay, and look at video recording watches and the like.  I found that having audio from my children's complaints to be effective.  Collect and keep secret. That is the agenda.  Having a BPD studying psych is a mess to fight. I just chatted yesterday with a Psych DR willing to go to court at a subject matter expert. Paying a subject matter expert is respected in court. Presenting a bunch of PDF's from online will be much less powerful in most courts.  I actually have been advised to describe the behaviors, leave diagnosis out, since I am not a Dr.  You are trying to prove a case of BPD.  To us its BPD, to a common person its a nutty ragy woman, to some others it is a demon.  The courts do not care, they care about the behaviors, and you can testify to that.  Any evidence you wish to use may be asked of in discovery, so that sucks.

Secondary to that, if there is adultery on her part, consider working that aspect if your laws support the victim.

Good luck,