Waif/hermit BPD

[cron65]

This question is to the waif/hermit type BPD. What goes through your mind after a break up? I'm curious. My exp is a BPD waif/hemit/narcissist.

[Mutt]

Hi cron65,

I'm not sure that I understand what the question is, because you're using BPD roles.

What is going through your mind after your break-up?

[Turkish]

This question is to the waif/hermit type BPD. What goes through your mind after a break up? I'm curious. My exp is a BPD waif/hemit/narcissist.

How could this lovely creature that I "rescued" turn on me so suddenly, and do the very things (cheating, abandoning) she was so obviously fearful that I would do to her.

[Waifed]

I spent months trying to process what my ex waif/hermit was thinking.  She seemed so clueless in life yet was college educated and book smart.  She didn't even know how to make a sandwich.  She lived at home until she was 26.  She was very quiet and private and almost impossible to get too. Her quietness hid her defects.  She never cursed or screamed and rarely talked badly about others.  I have read that most waifs carry narc traits but they were not very overt most of the time.  She had commitment phobia yet I tried to leave her dozens of times in 3 years only to have her beg and make up.  Looking back we were usually together yet we never really did anything.  I caught her cheating when she met some guy on a trip overseas and I told her it was just a matter of time before I left her.  Major fear of abandonment kicked in and she really began the emotional abuse/secretive stuff and I knew she was trying to find a replacement.  It was almost like I didn't know who this woman was anymore.  She even asked me if I would continue to see her if I ever married someone else!  This is when I cut through the FOG and realized just how crazy she was and that their was no love.  She continued to contact me for 2 weeks after the breakup until I told her I thought she might have BPD and then she said I was harassing her she called the police.  I never heard from her again.  

It is all just so crazy now to look back after 7 months.  I now perceive her as a shallow hole whose primary goal is survival.  Survival is based on having someone to care for her at her disposal.  That person is largely interchangeable and will last until someone new who pays attention to her comes along once her abandonment fears kick in.  She has no goals and lives her life for herself.  It is almost as if she knows deep down that no one person will ever satisfy her needs and that she will ultimately be alone.  It is no longer personal for me.  I realize that there was no possible happy outcome for me.  I gave my all to an empty sack of potatoes but it was never going to be enough.  I was used and abused but I survived her best shot.  I pity her for being a heartless human who has no self respect, morals or the decency to respect or feel empathy towards others.  It is just a shame that it took me 3 years of my life to realize I was with someone so self absorbed.  It left me with lots to work on for myself and thankfully this has been the most gratifying thing I have ever done for myself.  I have come out on the other side a better man.  

[blueman54321]

I spent months trying to process what my ex waif/hermit was thinking.  She seemed so clueless in life yet was college educated and book smart.  She didn't even know how to make a sandwich.  She lived at home until she was 26.  She was very quiet and private and almost impossible to get too. Her quietness hid her defects.  She never cursed or screamed and rarely talked badly about others.  I have read that most waifs carry narc traits but they were not very overt most of the time.  She had commitment phobia yet I tried to leave her dozens of times in 3 years only to have her beg and make up.  Looking back we were usually together yet we never really did anything.  I caught her cheating when she met some guy on a trip overseas and I told her it was just a matter of time before I left her.  Major fear of abandonment kicked in and she really began the emotional abuse/secretive stuff and I knew she was trying to find a replacement.  It was almost like I didn't know who this woman was anymore.  She even asked me if I would continue to see her if I ever married someone else!  This is when I cut through the FOG and realized just how crazy she was and that their was no love.  She continued to contact me for 2 weeks after the breakup until I told her I thought she might have BPD and then she said I was harassing her she called the police.  I never heard from her again.  

It is all just so crazy now to look back after 7 months.  I now perceive her as a shallow hole whose primary goal is survival.  Survival is based on having someone to care for her at her disposal.  That person is largely interchangeable and will last until someone new who pays attention to her comes along once her abandonment fears kick in.  She has no goals and lives her life for herself.  It is almost as if she knows deep down that no one person will ever satisfy her needs and that she will ultimately be alone.  It is no longer personal for me.  I realize that there was no possible happy outcome for me.  I gave my all to an empty sack of potatoes but it was never going to be enough.  I was used and abused but I survived her best shot.  I pity her for being a heartless human who has no self respect, morals or the decency to respect or feel empathy towards others.  It is just a shame that it took me 3 years of my life to realize I was with someone so self absorbed.  It left me with lots to work on for myself and thankfully this has been the most gratifying thing I have ever done for myself.  I have come out on the other side a better man.  

Wow, enlightening. I needed that. Thanks