Diet, vitamins to calm the BPD mind?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi  , 

I'm still undecided about whether or not I am staying or leaving, but don't know where the best place is to post this question.

MY BPD bf smokes a lot of weed to calm his mind (his words).  I was wondering if anyone here knows what foods, vitamins, minerals or medication can help to calm the BPD mind?  His diet isn't good.  For example, he takes in lots and lots of sugar everyday.

My intro post is here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=224228.0

[Perdita]

Hi  , 

I'm still undecided about whether or not I am staying or leaving, but don't know where the best place is to post this question.

MY BPD bf smokes a lot of weed to calm his mind (his words).  I was wondering if anyone here knows what foods, vitamins, minerals or medication can help to calm the BPD mind?  His diet isn't good.  For example, he takes in lots and lots of sugar everyday.

My intro post is here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=224228.0

[maxsterling]

Not sure.  But I do know that my GF has tried just about ever kind of drug, legal and illegal, had ever kind of diet, alternative medicine, been vegan, cut out this or added that, and nothing has really calmed her mind. 

I will say the weed is probably making things worse, if anything simply because it is preventing him from actually addressing his problem.  There are no quick fixes for BPD.

[an0ught]

Hi Perdita,

as maxsterling said - weed is not a real solution. It may be a somewhat dysfunctional coping mechanism and it may beat alcohol or other drugs in being less destructive although each person reacts differently. But your main concern is his need for this coping mechanism... .

Sugar can cause different problems

1) Blood sugar variations cause highs and lows. That in itself can't be good for a stable mood.

2) Depending on how well he digests sugar large quantities of it can overwhelm the ability to be absorbed. This can cause digestion problems (affecting the absorption of vitamines and promoting the growth of less healthy bacteria and their less healthy food processing).

3) Part of the sugar is converted into fat in the liver and is contributing to the less healthy cholesterol numbers.

Food is important. Food is also very personal. Trying to control it is extremely hard from the outside - there are plenty of members here with spouses suffering from eating disorders.

You can however provide healthy alternatives that are conveniently reachable. You be a good role model. You can move to regular scheduled times and eat together.

As with all in BPD it is about baby steps. One step a time.

[Perdita]

Thank you maxsterling and an0ught,

I have spoken to him many times about the weed and he has said on occasion that he will stop when he is ready, but the last time we really talked about it earlier this year he got a look of pure evil and delight in his eyes, put his face close to mine and asked "do you know when I'll stop?".  I waited for the answer and then with a f you tone in his voice he said "Neveeeeer".  He smokes about 5-7 times a day.  I think this is way over the top for anyone let alone someone with BPD. 

He worries about gaining weight and I have hoped that this will get him to realize that he needs to eat healthier, I believe it is the excessive weed use that is causing the crazy sugar cravings.

I've read that omega 3 and 6 can be helpful for people with BPD and am trying to get him started on this.

[WalrusGumboot]

Perdita,

I read of a study of children with ADHD, by cutting down Omega 6 and raising Omega 3, they were able to take many of them off Ritalin. It's the RATIO between the two that is important. Processed foods with vegetable oils are loaded with Omega 6 and lack Omega 3. It's not so much the amounts of each, but the amounts relative to each other.

I'm not sure how much it will help, if any. My ex became a health nut and ate only the best. She lost plenty of weight and got physically healthy, not mentally healthy. It didn't help that a bit.

[Perdita]

WalrusGumboot, thank you for the reply and input.

He has been on an anti-depressant for over a year, but I feel it is not much use as long as he continues with the weed.  There's no real way of knowing how much the anti-depressant is working and I doubt he is getting the full benefit of it anyway with all the weed.  So the weed is the biggest problem right now in my eyes as it leads to him craving unhealthy "food" and also keeps him in a fog about what is going on inside of him.  Plus he becomes even more impulsive when high.

[Cloudy Days]

I notice a lot in your posts that you are solely focusing on him and how you can stop him from doing certain things or to get him to eat a certain way. One of the things that helped me in my journey to become a healthier person mentally is to focus on the one person you do have control over, which is you. The only person that you have any control over is yourself. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I could get my husband to stop eating bad food or stop smoking cigarettes or stop drinking or stop smoking pot or to take a vitamin that is suppose to help with depression. But the one thing I learned out of all of it was that I have zero control over what he does. I can suggest, I can buy the food I want him to eat, I can ask him to take the Niacin and Omega 3's. But he's only going to do it if he wants to do it. And so far he hasn't done any of it. He has been able to stop drinking, this was the one major offence to our relationship and I am so thankful he finally got it. However he has not stopped any of the other behaviors.

If he is using the weed to cope with his racing thoughts, it's going to be really hard to get him to quit. The simple truth, is basically the fact that weed does stop the racing thoughts. There isn't much else that does what it does. It's a simple way for them to feel normal. Can you imagine not being able to stop thinking? They will also go through a withdrawal period where their bad symptoms will seem to feel worse and they will have insomnia for probably a week. For a regular person it's simple to stop, for someone using it to combat racing thoughts, it can be a nightmare. All of this together will make it hard for him to quit, which is why he probably won't without some sort of intervention. To him the alternative of quitting is living in his own twisted mind, the weed shuts the thoughts off that he doesn't know how to get rid of. I'm not saying you should live with it, I'm just trying to give you an idea of why it's not so simple for him to just stop doing it.

Is he getting any kind of therapy? Your best bet would be to get him into DBT therapy, that way he will be able to learn some coping mechanisms for when he does try to quit the pot. Without DBT therapy, I doubt he will ever even try to quit. Because right now the only downfall to him smoking pot is the fact that he gets the munchies and while munchies make you fat, it's not an extremely destructive behavior so he will see no reason to quit.

[Perdita]

I notice a lot in your posts that you are solely focusing on him and how you can stop him from doing certain things or to get him to eat a certain way. One of the things that helped me in my journey to become a healthier person mentally is to focus on the one person you do have control over, which is you. The only person that you have any control over is yourself.

Yes, you are right and I have in fact been focusing a lot more on myself the past month.  More than I have in the entire year proceeding. 

I just don't see that there is much hope as long as he keeps on smoking this much weed.  He started smoking a lot more the past 6 months.  He will smoke a joint, then chat for about 5 minutes before rolling another and smoking that one right away too.  Sometimes he will smoke 3 in a row. 

I feel I am dealing with a fogged mind and nothing will improve until he either stops or cuts back a lot.  I told him 4 months ago that I won't nag about the weed anymore and that I am here to support him if he decides to give it up.  Unfortunately, he continues to lie to me about everything surrounding his weed use even though I told him that I can back off about the weed, but can't stand his constant lying. He said that he understands and will stop lying about that part of his life. I thought we had made some progress after this, but later found out that the lies have only increased.

I am also becoming fed up with his forgetfulness.  He will take vitamins when he has them, but forgets unless I remind him.  It is like this with so many things.  He forgets so much.  Things I said, things he said, appointments he's made, loses and misplaces things al the time etc.  It sounds like part of it is a symptom of BPD, but a lot of it is surely also related to the weed.  Recently he has also been hanging out a lot with a meth addict and this has me very worried.  The lies have increased considerably since he started spending so much time with this guy. 

Is he getting any kind of therapy? Your best bet would be to get him into DBT therapy, that way he will be able to learn some coping mechanisms for when he does try to quit the pot.

No, he isn't in therapy and isn't one that likes to talk about feelings.  I have been reading about DBT and wonder if there are some of the tools that I can help him apply in his life without actually saying "honey, try DBT to help with your BPD".

Thanks for your input Cloudy Days.

[Love Is Not Enough]

+1000 Cloudy Days!

This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn and things improved a lot once I let go of controlling my gf and focused on myself. My anxiety has also improved a lot through acceptance and setting boundaries.

This is also a great topic and I have been wanting to start a thread similar to this on the staying board for us nons.

I have found while intermittently using marijuana (and even cigarettes) is that my anxiety would get much worse the following days when I was not using. I really do not think people understand how much havoc these substances can cause in your body. I can see why someone with BPD would have a very hard time quitting as their anxiety would get the better of them. I also believe that over consuming carbs also contributes to depression. I was very overweight and follow a low carb lifestyle to maintain my weight. The soaring/crashing of my blood sugar always made me feel very bad. I think all the things together can cause many problem for someone with a PD. Unfortunately it is such a tangled up mess that is is easier to continue abusing substances or food instead of working on themselves.

All that being said I think I have found a wonderful and amazing substance that has recently been the reason for a huge improvement to my life. It is so incredibly simple that I can't believe I didn't find it sooner. A friend recommended magnesium to me for my sleep issues and the more I researched it the more interested I became in trying it. I tired the pills and it seemed to be working. My research had pointed me to magnesium citrate because it is bio-available so I tried a product I found on Amazon called Calm. It is amazing and I feel great all the time now and I am sleeping better than I have in 15 years. I also use tryptophan to sleep and it works much better than all the other things I have tried. I have very little anxiety now and have been able to bounce back from negative situations quickly. My mind races much less and I have been feeling great.

While doing my research I also found a few other things I have been trying for anxiety, but I think the magnesium has been working the best. I am currently trying holy basil, schizandra berry extract, calcium and l-glutamate.

One thing I can tell you to steer your bf away from is Welbutrin. My gf is currently on it and I am sure it is causing her to dysregulate more easily. They call it welbutrin rage. Unfortunately she got a prescription from someone who is unaware of her BPD and I have been trying to get her off of it or to try something else. Trying to not be controlling, I just keep asking her how she feels it is helping her. She decided on her own to wean herself off of it soon.

So I would recommend the magnesium to you for stress relief and you can always offer it to your bf to try. My gf has seen my improved mood and is interested in trying it. Interestingly enough, when I did a search for interactions with Welbutrin I found a guy that posted he uses magnesium to combat his Welbutrin rage. He said he could tell a major difference on days he didn't take it.

Hope this helps 

[Perdita]

A friend recommended magnesium to me for my sleep issues and the more I researched it the more interested I became in trying it. I tired the pills and it seemed to be working.

I used this myself years ago and also felt it helped me.

One thing I can tell you to steer your bf away from is Welbutrin. My gf is currently on it and I am sure it is causing her to dysregulate more easily. They call it welbutrin rage.

I wasn't aware of this.  Thanks for sharing, Love Is Not Enough.  I'll make a note of this.

So I would recommend the magnesium to you for stress relief and you can always offer it to your bf to try.

I think he might want to try that.  He is taking calsium at the moment.  I think magnesium will work well with that.

Hope this helps 

It does, thank you!

[maxsterling]

Interesting about the Wellbutrin.  My GF had been placed on this a few months ago, and for awhile it seemed to make her less depressed, to the point one day she actually said she was happy (the only time I have heard that word out of her mouth in year).  Now, she complains of racing thoughts and wants to be taken off the wellbutrin.  So maybe there is some truth to this - it could be stimulating her brain.  For most people, that may make them more active and more happy.  The problem with my GF is it seems to cause her natural negative thoughts to race.  I asked her directly yesterday if in the many years of her taking meds if any of them have had much effect.  She said "no".  A few months ago she told me she was stable for a few years on lithium, then her AA friends convinced her she wasn't sober if she was taking lithium.  She quit cold turkey, and attempted suicide shortly thereafter.  Now she is telling me that she has too many pill bottles in the house and was saying that maybe I should hide them just in case.  My gut is telling me she is really down right now, and maybe thinking suicidal thoughts but keeping them to herself.

From what she has told me, she has been up and down on the meds over the years, and tried almost all of them.  According to her, she was on a low daily dose of Xanax while living overseas, in addition to various antidepressants.  Then she got pregnant, stopped all her meds cold turkey, raged at the father, he ditched her, and she had an abortion.  She was then med free for about a year, then while living with me got worse and worse until she went to the doctor and was prescribed an antidepressant.  After a week, she said it wasn't working, and demanded another.  A week later, she was in the hospital with suicidal thoughts.  They diagnosed her bipolar.  She since has been given more and more meds (I think she is currently on two mood stabilizers and the Wellbutrin, in addition to thyroid medicine).  Nothing seems to have mad a positive difference.  The wellbutrin may be contributing to her racing thoughts, but from what she describes, she had racing thoughts before this. 

The only thing I can see related to diet or herbs that help her probably has less to do with what she eats but when and how much she eats.  if she is hungry - look out!  She can't be trusted to feed herself on a regular schedule.  And eating sweets or bad for her foods she describes as a self harming behavior that brings her shame.  And shame tends to build, and within a few days leads to some really scary behaviors.

What she needs is daily DBT, and to actually STICK WITH IT and DO THE HOMEWORK.