Do the courts understand BPD and the affects it can have on a child?

[lalove714]

So I'm almost 8 months pregnant with my BPD ex fiance and I left him about a month ago. (actually, exactly month ago today). I have considered contacting him when the baby is born, depending on circumstances at the time, as I am awaiting proof of mental help. He does contact me every few days-week to see how the pregnancy is going/how the baby is doing.  I do not plan on putting him on the birth certificate and would like to avoid getting courts involved if I can, because I feel like the courts wouldn't understand the severity of the situation.  They are part of a legal system and they are not psychologists or specialists in BPD so it makes me VERY nervous to leave the ball in their field.  I have been receiving advise on here that says I should seek out advise through the courts though. Im just a little confused on what to do.  My plan was to play by ear on letting him come see baby when he's born and not put him on the birth certificate.   If he chooses to go through the courts he would have to pay for a paternity test and put in effort to see him and come up with child support (he never worked when we were together and I doubt he is working now), in which case I would then request a psychoogical evaluation from the courts and only SUPERVISED visitation.  I would really rather avoid this route though, and as of now my ex seems okay with me making the rules as to how it will go/ when he can see our son as I told him I require him to show me proof that hes been seeking mental help before seeing the baby and his reply was okay. He didn't argue it.  ADVISE PLEASE!

[lalove714]

I should add that he is a pot-smoker. So if the courts requested a random drug test (I don't know if this is something they would do), it would likely come up dirty. He also has a domestic violence incident on his record with the mother of his other child, and now has NO contact with either the mother or child. So this would probably help my case I assume, unless he has his record expunged by the time this all comes up in court.

[ForeverDad]

I have been receiving advise on here that says I should seek out advise through the courts though.

Most of our members report having possessive ex's.  (My ex is possessive to an extreme, there was no way for us to avoid family court.)  So since they know they'll end up in family court sooner rather than later - or are already in court - they are encouraged to take a proactive rather than defensive posture.  (As they say regarding football, a team never won with only defensive plays.)  However, in your case you have an ex inclined to stay in the background so it may be smart to handle it as you've been doing since a mere mention of possible testing, past DV or legal encounters might keep him in line and not causing problems.

But 18 years of parenting is a long time and your situation can change.  For example, be aware that if you ever go on government assistance, the agencies may require you to disclose your child's other parent's name so that person can be garnished to share the support expenses.

If you suspect he might expunge his prior record, then I'd suggest you go down to the court and get copies to hold just in case.  If it gets expunged then maybe you can't use them in court, but you can still wave the papers around for good visual effect.  You can never have too much documentation.

[ForeverDad]

Seeking legal advice is not the same as going though the often callous and unpredictable court process.  Seeking legal advice lets you know where you stand legally, what your options are and what strategies are advantageous for you.  We are happy to be peer support - we've "been there, done that" - but we're not lawyers (and may not even live in your state or country) and so legal advice has to come from local family law attorneys.  It would be wise to at least get a general overview so your decisions can be more informed and more confidant.