Sometimes the crazy leaks in public and you just gotta laugh

[Cassy]

I don't think I ever shared this story on here (I'm getting old and forgetful). But sometimes all you can do is laugh.

My BPM mother was going to supper with my aunt (her sister) and her sister's husband. Aunt invited an old family friend, me and my husband. Well, mother refused to talk to anyone and sulked during the whole supper because her sister was not focusing on her (these women are in their 60s and 70s). She was openly rude to the family friend and then started a fight with the poor waitress who wasn't refilling her pop fast enough.

After the meal, we decided to go to a coffee house. We had to cross several lanes of traffic and a landscaped median to get there. I was lagging behind the group, mother was ahead of me and everyone else was further up.

As I crossed the street (mother had already crossed and was now walking along the other street, in front of me) I notice her head bobbing. She didn't realize I was behind her... . she was walking by herself, behind my husband moving her lips and swinging her hands in an exaggerated motion, mocking my husband behind his back! On a public street. Good grief. I couldn't do anything but laugh and other people passing by were just giving her a double take.

What I found interesting about this is I guess they don't always play to an audience. She thought she was alone and unseen, yet still acting like a four-year-old.

[clljhns]

Oh, wow!, Cassy,

Can I ever relate to that story. It brought back an episode with my mom in 2005. For my daughter's high school graduation gift, she wanted to go to New York City. I told her to invite one friend to make the trip more memorable. She asked her closest friend and with her parents permission, we began to make plans. As soon as my mother got wind of it, she invited herself! Oh, God, here we go again, always intruding. I told my mom it wasn't necessary for her to come, but she insisted saying that we could be killed in New York City as we had no idea what kind of people were there. Really? And what exactly did this 5' 1' pudgy woman think she was going to do? I relented and said she could come, as she called for weeks giving me a guilt trip.

On our trip into China Town, I asked the girls what would they like to see and experience. This trip was, after all, for them. My mother insisted that we not go into any stores or shops because they might be making opium in the back. What?  We saw many stores that looked fascinating, but my mother became more hyper each time we mentioned going into one of the stores. Finally, I told her there was nothing to worry about as many tourist come to China Town and shop. At this point is when Mt. Vesuvius blew! Right there on the sidewalk in China Town in broad daylight! She started bouncing up and down, like there was a hidden trampoline in the sidewalk, all the while gritting her teeth and cursing at me saying "You don't know a G** D****d thing about New York City. You are going to get us all killed! Your such an idiot!" At this point I looked to see where my daughter and her friend were. They were a few steps ahead but had stopped to watch the show. I was mortified! I just turned and began walking away from her as if I didn't know who this crazy lady was. Unfortunately for me, she followed. She continued gesticulating and cursing at me under her breath until I started a conversation with my daughter and her friend. Of course, my daughter's friend's eye were popping out of her head in disbelief and her jaw hit the ground. I moved them forward and we crossed the street to get away from her. She still followed, but I guess she had spewed all of her venomous magma out. All that remained was a beet red, deflating glob of flesh.

It wasn't funny at the time, but my daughter and I have laughed about since then. I had to apologize to her friend as I could see how shocked and upset she was. Man I don't miss those days!

[Cassy]

I can completely picture your mother in my head. When I was in high school I called my step-father to come and get me as I was sick. I waited and waited and no one showed up, so I walked down the exit door to the front of the building. Mother was on the main steps (the school never allowed dismissal from the front, but she wouldn't bother to remember something like that), anyway, she saw me and started screaming and swinging her arms and jumping up and down on the steps absolutely enraged. I'm sure the entire admin staff had a good show, as their windows looked right on the steps.

[clljhns]

Mortifying! It is amazing to me how they can behave this way and dare to go out in public again.

When I was 12, I was visiting at a friend's house. My mom called to tell me she was on her way and I had better be looking for her. It was only a 15 minute drive from my home, so I went and looked for at the specified time. She was not there. I went back about every five minutes looking out the front door for her. Finally she arrived about 30 minutes later than she should have. She rang the door bell and was furious that I wasn't waiting outside for her. It was 30 degrees outside, so, no I wasn't waiting outside. When I got out the door, she grabbed me by my hair and shook me all the way down the path to the car. It was not only painful, but humiliating, as I just knew my friend and her parents were watching from their door.

Crazy is all I can say!

Peace and blessings. 

[Deb]

This reminded me of an ex-friend (S) that I suspect is BPD. I was in a coffee shop and making a comment to the barrista about a news item. In walks S and she orders her drink, than turns to me and begins screaming that 1) it was "none of my business" and 2) I was wrong because of a, b and c reasons.  So, thinking I would shut her up, I agreed with her. She immediately switched her argument to what I had said, still screaming. I switched again and so did S. In fact, I switched sides to agree with her about 4 or 5 times. Than the barrista told S her drink was ready, to which she calmly replied "Oh, thank you. How much do I owe you?" She paid for her drink, left a tip, than stomped over to me and snarled "I like you but I can't stand you!"   And left, trying to slam the door. The barrista and the other customers were staring, open mouthed. And then the barrista said "What was that? You agreed with you and she kept arguing anyway?" I just laughed and said "Yeah, I noticed. One of the reasons I am backing away from her as a friend." And we both laughed.

[P.F.Change]

Please keep in mind the policies for this board:

This is a place to find solutions.  Please do not use this board as a place to complain about your relative without seeking constructive relationship advice.



The work on this board is about taking charge of our own behaviors. To do this, it is important that we move beyond co-rumination and injury submersion. We've been abused as kids--that's a given. It is also a given that our relatives with the disorder will still be hurtful, annoying, frustrating, confusing, and at times even infuriating. The difference now is that we are adults, too. We are no longer helpless victims. We are survivors who can look at our own behavior and work to find solutions.

In abuse recovery, it is appropriate to share memories that surface and describe the feelings associated with the abuse. It is equally important to keep the recovery process in mind during this time without becoming consumed in our childhood ruminations or keeping others stuck by co-ruminating with them. This is a place to encourage each others to see it, grieve it, and step above it--to grow and to heal.