Protecting my son from exBPD exposure

[Exeter]

The title kind of sums it up, I have majority/primary custody of my son, meaning 9 months of the year he is with me during school and she gets him in the summer.  We set it up with every weekend the other parent during the time periods stated previously get to see the child.

However I had it set up specifically so that my son would have to attend the school of the local area I am living in, which means if I moved anywhere he has to go to school there and there is nothing she can do about it.

This is not a revenge based question, I assure you.  I have read tonight on the effects that BPD parents can have on children and it can impact them psychologically.  Granted we do not know how severe her case is, yet by examining her life from her first husband with 2 kids, to me with 1 child with her, now on to her current replacement who has no job/car currently - which could change of course, I am thinking the BPD is taking her down even darker holes.  Just my observation and it is not based on any rejection, just opinion, I broke up with her, she quit going to therapy and found a replacement guy.

My question is do I live locally so that I can see my child every week to ensure his safety and psychological sanity, OR do I move far enough away where she can get him for the entire summer without break, yet not at all for the entire school year aside from a holiday here and there if she is willing to pay for flights?

You don't have to be an expert here, I would just like opinions from people, is it better to stay close that way we can keep seeing the child every week each so that abuse does not go undetected OR do I move so that I can have a solid 9 months with my son yet he then has to spend 2 1/2 - 3 months straight with his mom?

This kind of goes along with NC and I'm comfortable moving, I have a city in another state I can go to, get a job in, and have lived several times.  The NC would be peaceful for me, yet I'm not sure if the 3 months straight with the mother would be helpful or more helpful if he does not have to be exposed to her emotional/irrational patterns on a weekly basis?

[Nope]

Well this is timely for me. I don't have any answers but I do have a similar enough situation to have my own thoughts on the subject.

The kid's GAL is about to make a recommendation on Monday. The kids currently live with their uBPD mom three states away from their dad. Late last week the GAL sent both parties an email asking each party what they would want to see visitation look like a) if the kids go to school where they are and b) if the kids go to school in their dad's state.

So, what we did is take an honest look at everything we know of uBPD mom's behaviors and wrote out our responses primarily based on that. You said you do not know how severe her case is. Think about behaviors you have witnessed or heard about that could be potentially harmful to the child. If most of her acting out wouldn't strongly impact him then it may be best to let him have those shorter weekend periods with her to learn how to deal with her illness before suddenly having three full months with nobody but her to turn to. As long as the BPD and the environment the BPD creates is generally safe then it is probably enough that a healthy parent has majority time.

It also sounds like, from what you are saying,  that other jobs in the other area will continue to be a possibility. So maybe in the future if it turns out that the weekends with mom are having significant negative effects you can revisit this.