Okay, this is an example of how profound the networking can be here.
Began on a great topic started by AwakenedOne
Then Turkish offered another thread on emotional maturity
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=60935.0Went there, learned a lot. Got some great insight to the last little bits keeping me hooked. Went to reply to that thread and got the usual warnings about it being an old thread and I should post a new one.
I replied to that thread and also thought I would start a new one.
I am guessing most of you have lives outside of this board. Perhaps I should get one too
So if you don't have time to read the whole thread, this post is based on A.J. Mahari's post (reply #3)
I think this should be read particularly for AJ's post as I appreciate hearing from people who have struggled with their BPD to recover.
Here is what I took away from it.
First off, the emotional immaturity thing is the clincher for me.
As for many with partners that begin with "u" (uBPD), there is always those nagging questions.
"Maybe she isn't. Maybe she just shares a few traits. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion." In my case I didn't have the constant instability. Quantitatively, I can honestly say the the good times out numbered the bad. But the bad times were so extreme, the stress nearly killed me once, set my emotional health back so many times, and this last time destroyed everything I worked for over the last 2.5 years. The only absolute constant... . her complete inability to process complex emotional situations... . her emotional immaturity. AJ makes that point so incredibly clear.
"But then again, she has her life together in so many ways. She is incredibly intelligent. I have great experience in emotional intelligence. She taught me a lot about taking care of my physical health, perhaps I can help nurture her emotional health. She is certainly smart enough to get that."AJ makes clear that emotional and intellectual intelligence can have very little to do with each other. In fact, intellectual intelligence can even be the coping mechanism guarding the emotional immaturity. It is not about intelligence, hers or mine, its about doing the difficult and painful work to recover.
"Yeah, but she is special. We are special. Surely something this special has to have a way to succeed."This is the point that I will meditate on tonight. AJ and all those brave individuals who faced themselves (including nons) and held on to the love they found for themselves to overcome the darkest parts of their lives are special, the most special. This woman who can punish me because she hurt my replacement the last time she cheated on me with him... . and a myriad of other examples... . is not special. To believe there is some magic bullet that can make us live happily ever after is profoundly insulting, and a slap in the face, to the strength, bravery, and commitment of those who truly are the most special.
I am not only wasting my energy on my uBPDex, I am insulting the experience of those who are brave enough to walk the difficult path. I hope to be counted with "the most special."
