She told me "I Love You" after two days

[AwakenedOne]

She told me "I Love You" after two days.

After four days she told me "I want you to be my husband one day."

After seven days she told me "When we have our kids, I think having 3 of them would be the best."

Just had some random unfortunate thoughts of her today, my (uBPDstbxw). Thinking in specific about "our beginning". I am trying to resist being mad at myself for being such an idiot for not waking up from this too good to be true fairytale dream. This was the beginning of a 4 year roller coaster hell ride. I got in the roller coaster seat though like a fkn idiot.



Anyone else hear "I Love You" super fast. Too fast?... .

Peace,

AO

[maternal]

I was very caught off guard when my ex first told me that he loved me.  Very, very soon.  The marriage talk started shortly thereafter and the talk of having twins wasn't far behind.  He even had a name for the girl we were going to have.  He told me repeatedly early on how I "made him want to be a better man." Even if he never made any progress on that front, it was crazy nice to hear. 

I fell for this stuff so hard.  it really drew me in.  I have been angry at myself for quite some time because of how easily he snagged me.  I am not angry at myself any longer, though.  I did what I did and as much as once focused on the pain (just a few days ago, actually), I am content with the fact that I loved someone as much as I loved him and that I am still able to love.  I can't run around and continue to lament all the pain and confusion he caused me anymore.  I gotta move on, get myself well, and find someone who will love me from a healthy perspective. 

[Xstaticaddict]

I know where you're at AO

My ex and I did a lot of messaging before we physically met, and I think it was maybe a week before she said she loved me, (although she joked not in a weird way) and was really quick to let me know how much she adored me and how she'd had a dream about me a couple weeks before she met me. Basically a ton of stuff that made me feel really good and set me up to be something amazing to her. Over the next 6 years there was as much love as there was the polar opposite, and around year 4 i got my head out of my *ss and figured out that it wasn't really me that she loved and adored but rather what i represented or the me she wished i was that would save her and take care of all the things she wouldn't take care of herself.

To be honest though it went both ways. I was a year out of a 7 year divorce when i met her, and had dated a string of women only available to an emotional cripple. She seemed like the first person that i could connect with in a way that meant something.

Best thing is not to be so brutal with yourself. You probably just really needed to feel loved and the big test will be to not rush the next relationship, but not shut down to it either.

I struggled for a while with the question of "do i wish i'd never met her" because of how much chaos and pain i felt when she completely turned her back on communicating or trying to work on "us" and my main regret at this point is that i didn't start off slower and test her out as a friend first.

Tempering that desire and lust with common sense and making sure a woman has true character is what I've committed to from here on out. There were certainly enough red flags that i ignored that should have slowed things down, or made me bail completely before things even started. Showed me a lot of neediness that i had and am now working on. It seems like these relationships have a lot of self esteem issues on both sides.

What do you think about that? What was your situation leading up to when you met yours?

It's just really hard to turn down what you think could be a really good partner based on a few flaws especially if you're aware of your own, although if i'd been paying attention and not taken her word for why her life had so much chaos (never her fault, always her ex's), and just looked at the fact that it DID have so much chaos, then i wouldn't have jumped in with both feet.

I'm just so glad i never had kids with her or got trapped.

Good luck with your recovery.

[outside9x]

Hi A-One,

My BPDEX waited about 2-3 months before saying I love you. I said it first but she & I are much older, when we met and she was engaged 4 times and married three, and she did have some control, and very experienced so we are not talking about someone in there 20's, 30's or 40's .  She even belonged to a  12 step program and some charitable organizations, but that all dropped quickly. She denied who she was, but knew deep down.  They all are not the same, and many are very intelligent, and they mean well at 1st.  Mine, as I was going thru my divorce would say, I don't want to be the one that keeps you if you really want to go back to your wife, but if you do I'll kill you.  Yes she raged and screamed and punched etc.  Sometimes out of the blue.

So, no not all of them will wilt right away and drag you in.  She is a women of means and has $$$, knew how to play her game, but she was in love, and sexually we were hot for each other of course,  very passionate, and throwing herself all over me, and texting me sexy and seducing messages about her body even while I was at work, and what she wants done etc, so, they do work in different ways , and yes, they truly do fall in love, and that's a wonderful period isn't it but so unreal and as you know doesn't last and in comes those feelings an they paint you black and demean you and soon, its all you can do and wish for a return to that wonderful person you knew, and she does reappear from time to time, and that keeps us hoping.  Bad news.  It will never get better and only gets worse.  Its so hard to break but we all can do it, and we need support to do that.

You will make it and I feel her grip less and less everyday.  It takes time.  I am still healing, and it will be ok.

So whether you heard it right away or later, it makes no difference.  Get away, and love yourself.   

[Narellan]

The day after I met him he told me " Narellan I've been waiting my whole life for you"

A couple of months later when I said similar something like " I've never felt like this before", he laughed and said " hey, that's my line"

WOW I think I have stupid stamped on my forehead. The truth is I had been waiting for him my whole life. I'd never felt like that before. Unconditionally loved and adored.

The day he ditched me he had told me " you are forever entwined in my soul now Narellan" then split an hour later. I still battle with these sentiments he literally poured out to me daily. It's very sickening to feel conned. I prefer to think he meant it at the time but it was all too consuming and his flight mechanism kicked in so he bolted. I can't believe he was a callous cruel player ( sociopath) that had no feelings for me. It appears that way but I can't accept it. It's easier to believe he loved in his way and left. I can cope with that.

But yes, all intense all consuming very full on from the first day basically. And I slept with him too soon, which ultimately brings attachment feelings for me.

[AwakenedOne]

Best thing is not to be so brutal with yourself. You probably just really needed to feel loved and the big test will be to not rush the next relationship, but not shut down to it either.

Good advice. 

[Trent]

She told me she loved me the first night we hung out, after about 2-3 hours.  Too soon?      I thought it was the alcohol talking so I wrote it off.  Just the first of many s ahead.

[BlondeRunner]

I was told on the first date (8 months ago) "I am so going to fall in love and marry the heck out of you!", I was told at the end of week one "I love you", was told 3 months in of his big proposal plans and was relentlessly (and I mean relentlessly) badgered over the next 8 months about moving in together.

Fortunately I kept some distance. I didn't say "I love you" until I meant it (at six months) and I always used to say "You don't love me yet, it's infatuation", I didn't get caught up in the marriage talk (I used to say "We've got years for that kind of stuff. There's no hurry" and thank the Lord I trusted my instincts and did not move in with him.

We had a recent disagreement on the moving in issue (it was actually starting to cause fights because he was so angry I wouldn't even consider it), I simply gave an inch on the matter by agreeing to discuss a possible suitable timeline for moving in together since it was causing him so much distress and yep, my dBPDbf freaked out, did a total 180 on me, claimed he never wanted to live together and got all angry at how things "got serious so quickly" between us and now I am currently into week 3 of the silent treatment! Great!

[antjs]

first date: sex

second date: i love you !

third date: you are my source of happiness. i don't feel happy except when i am with you. i have been waiting my  whole life for you. God have sent you to me.

fourth date: i am getting a new apartment !

seventh day: come sleep over

eighth day: an expensive gift for my birthday

twelfth day: i realized that i technically moved in with her !


two weeks of honeymoon. devaluation, Triangulation gas-lighting, abuse started and lasted for one week. i broke up with her. next day, lured me back by sexual seduction. one more week of both of us (i knew her reality by then) playing freaking mind games then mutual break up.


i tried to chase her during the desperation of break up for some time. my therapist says i am ok and i am within normal. but i find myself stupid ignoring all these read flags. what do you all think ?