I cant explain why she left?

[dillan6241]

Hello bpdfamily,

I was moving today and my friend and I happened to have a discussion about our exes. When it came time to trying to describe my ex BPDgf ... My friend tried to ask me what had happened, why she left. I tried to explain it ... . But then I found myself almost defending her. I stopped because I found myself STILL not understanding why we broke up. She gave me all these reasons they would change with the weather ... . She felt trapped, she wanted to party and have a good time and not hurt me, she said she didn't and never loved me, she said we were living a bad life. It was All over the place and she broke up via a text ... . Left and haven't seen her since just a few messages. It all happened so fast I had no time to think. But I guess my main point is that I can't understand her reasons and my mind constantly is trying to figure it out. When I tried to explain it to my friend o was at a loss ... . I realized I never received closure and my friend thinks she's immature and not good.

She said we could have coffee and just talk about what happened but I I went NC on her and said no thanks. She destroyed the rs and broke all my boundaries and besides all it would do is enpower her to come up with yrt another reason. I just don't understand why I can't explain why she left to anyone, even myself. I'm at a loss and my mind wants to solve it but I just can't. I realized this when trying to explain and almost defend her actions, what the heck am I doing?

[arjay]

I just don't understand why I can't explain why she left to anyone, even myself. I'm at a loss and my mind wants to solve it but I just can't. I realized this when trying to explain and almost defend her actions, what the heck am I doing?

We all "get it", but people never exposed to someone with BPD simply don't.  How could they?  Here we all are still trying to wrap our heads around dysfunctional behavior. Additionally most of us had to find closure and validation ourselves, because we were never going to get that either.

I received my validation and closure through my work here and by realizing from all the posts, that many of us came away feeling the same as you - no validation - no closure - no understanding of what actually happened.  Little of it ever made sense and why we are often left with this "hole" inside of ourselves initially.

If your 'ex' was BPD, then "what happened" was she is living a life with dysfunctional views and dis-regulated emotions.  Her logic makes sense to only her.  It is their dysfunctional ways that so twist our thinking and leave us questioning.  BPD is a serious mental disorder and that is really the only thing we really need to know.  The rest of it is simply irrelevant.

Peace to you

[Mutt]

My best man at my wedding can understand, because he had a gf he suspected was bi-polar, but he had done his own research on BP, he's receptive. Everyone else can't relate. I can follow and understand her behaviors, the logic I can't. Simply because I can't think disordered. I eventually had to give myself closure. Normally in a breakup, two mature adults can give each other closure, but we are dealing with an emotionally immature person with maladaptive coping skills.

I don't get into the nuts and bolts of my r/s and breakup in real life. It's not my duty to justify, defend or explain either positions. My family knew the r/s was bad anyway. I come here to cope, vent and get support from people that understand, because they have a loved one with a PD in their lives.

[MrEveryman]

Re: I cant explain why she left?

Something my friend said to me when i was struggling with this.  Blunt and straight to the point.

" Neither can she ".