Researching how she was created can give you leads

[Blimblam]

so deciphering her subtype of borderlines, such as queen, waif, siren, hermit.

then the roles she takes from the 5 types of the karpman triangle.

the underswtanding that they are like a chameleon and will change their opinions based on who has been feeding them their new reality.

like I got the feeling my ex was cheating on me. she started using slang I invented 10 years earlier and stopped using long ago.  IN HS I created a bunch of slang and humor style that a group of ppl I havnt hung out since still use.  So I got the feeling she was messing around with someone that knew the ppl that copied the slang I invented a decade ago. AND BINGO I was right.

I just figured out who y exgfpwBPD is.

she is just a lost scared little 3 year old.  She just wants an adult, "real man" to sooth her and distract her from the terrifying fact she does not know who she is or where she is going.

Our need for reciprocal love is only perceived as a constant neediness for them to do something they don't understand which allows their self doubts to creep back in.  So, they resent us for it.

When I was 3 years old I got lost in circus circus casino and was terrified.  That is who they are deep down forever.  Our need for them to be anything more than that is I think interpreted as being controlling.

the fact they can experience a fantasy with you in the first place is as good as it gets.  Our job is to uphold this fantasy at all costs, of which they want to know nothing of.

[Blimblam]

I think the thing I realized is the idealization phase is a shared experience so a shared lie. Untill they've got you. ANd when they do they find  a flaw. then everything after that point is a lie I think at least. Because once they find the flaw then they are no longer honest with you they will lie and deceive.  But this is part of who they really are too. the problem is they convince you to look past and doubt yourself.

so its like they bring out the best in you and feed off that energy then they find the flaw and empty out all their negative energy into you and discard you like the emotional tampon they used you for. and convince themselves and you that the problem is you and you are the source of that negative energy through inception.

Even still the only things that seem real now that I look back are the triangles themselves. 

the karpman triangle.  Rescuer, persecuter, victim.

and the bowman triangle, adding another person to an existing relationship to avoid confronting existing conflict.


I think these are always in affect.

You are added to the harem of guys they keep in their stable but you become the primary focus. while they act the role of victim and their exbf or their dad is the persecuter. 

essentially you are just a placeholder.

[Infared]

You are pretty smart for a guy made out of gingerbread? 

[Blimblam]

You are pretty smart for a guy made out of gingerbread? 

Well my ex at least.  I have experience with mainly uBPD waifs, a waif siren, a waif hermit.  My mom is a dBPD witch queen and I don't think their is any way to satisfy her she rages to a level that I cant begin to describe.

I think it is easy to generalize about BPD people but their is a spectrum and each person is still an individual. 

[Blimblam]

Awakened, I can totally relate.

In fact, by the time I was ready to divorce by BPDx, I didn't know her... . or ME. I had changed and compromised so much of my core being to stay with her that I had no idea who I was anymore. I was a shell of a man. Leaving her was the first step in reclaiming my manhood.

Me too brother.   Me too.  

I completely feel this way.  I was listening to that radiohead song with the lyrics "I lost myself" a bunch and crying the other day.  Also the pixies "where is my mind"

[Infared]

Ya know... . when I was young... . (LOL!)... . and my wife had run off with a doctor... . (she should have... . I was in my addiction, full bore... . not that she was any better... . but it was all a mess and I had a LOT to do with it... )... . and I had this giant bldg... . I was renovating into a photo studio... . in this beat up, old depressed town on the East Coast of the US... . I started 12-step work, etc. and was trying to get my act together... . I was overweight... . so I joined the run-down YMCA.   So... . I go into the gym one Sat. night. 10:00 pm... . nobody there... but this old guy... . (rough looking)... . nothing is said... Just me and him... doing our thing... .

I get on a bike and start riding... . and then he says the following to nobody in particular... .

"Yup... . they beat you down, they take all your money, they tell you that you are no good. Then you get fat and broke and they run off with another guy and leave you like a broken splinter.  So you get up... . dust yourself off and get fit, get some money and get it all back together, you are even HAPPY... and then you go out and meet another one and do the same damn thing... . ALL OVER AGAIN." I never forgot it... .

OK... . I will be 60 years-old in Nov... . and I am going to say... . from what I have experienced... . he was right!

[Blimblam]

sometimes I wish I had just left things as friends with benefits and never fallen in love just a had a booty call.  That sees like the way to go with borderline chicks

[Infared]

sometimes I wish I had just left things as friends with benefits and never fallen in love just a had a booty call.  That sees like the way to go with borderline chicks

ah... . to be human... . wait... what am I saying... . you are made of gingerbread! LOL.

[Blimblam]

I remember when I read my exs texts and ha my mind blown That she had been secretly seeing like 3 dudes and hooked up with them the same day.  I did a lot of internet searches on hoes and hoodrats.

Thinking "does that make her a hoe?"  And the phrase "can't make a hoe into a housewife."   

And her fan club of dudes she has now does that make her a hoodrat?

[Tausk]

I remember when I read my exs texts and ha my mind blown That she had been secretly seeing like 3 dudes and hooked up with them the same day.  I did a lot of internet searches on hoes and hoodrats.

Thinking "does that make her a hoe?"  And the phrase "can't make a hoe into a housewife."   

And her fan club of dudes she has now does that make her a hoodrat?

But the question is even if I did know who she was in the end, and even if it was a Ho and Hoodrat... .

Why did I lose myself and fall deeply in love and entrenched into the life of a Ho and a Hoodrat?

[Blimblam]

I remember when I read my exs texts and ha my mind blown That she had been secretly seeing like 3 dudes and hooked up with them the same day.  I did a lot of internet searches on hoes and hoodrats.

Thinking "does that make her a hoe?"  And the phrase "can't make a hoe into a housewife."   

And her fan club of dudes she has now does that make her a hoodrat?

But the question is even if I did know who she was in the end, and even if it was a Ho and Hoodrat... .

Why did I lose myself and fall deeply in love and entrenched into the life of a Ho and a Hoodrat?

Great question and way to reframe.  Really I don't know! Asked myself this and asked the internet with and I wound up on pick up artist forums declaring me a beta or chump. I just don't know.

[bruised]

sometimes I wish I had just left things as friends with benefits and never fallen in love just a had a booty call. 

I don't think you get to choose whether you fall in love Blim.

[Tausk]

I remember when I read my exs texts and ha my mind blown That she had been secretly seeing like 3 dudes and hooked up with them the same day.  I did a lot of internet searches on hoes and hoodrats.

Thinking "does that make her a hoe?"  And the phrase "can't make a hoe into a housewife."  

And her fan club of dudes she has now does that make her a hoodrat?

But the question is even if I did know who she was in the end, and even if it was a Ho and Hoodrat... .

Why did I lose myself and fall deeply in love and entrenched into the life of a Ho and a Hoodrat?

Great question and way to reframe.  Really I don't know! Asked myself this and asked the internet with and I wound up on pick up artist forums declaring me a beta or chump. I just don't know.

Stranger than Fiction  

You can't make this stuff up 

Keep postin and readin !

[Blimblam]

sometimes I wish I had just left things as friends with benefits and never fallen in love just a had a booty call.  That sees like the way to go with borderline chicks

ah... . to be human... . wait... what am I saying... . you are made of gingerbread! LOL.

dangit infared! what are you insinuating?

[Infared]

Well... you have to admit... . we talk about some serious things here... . and every once in a while I look over and see that I am posting to a gingerbread man... . I HAVE to start laughing. I will take any humor I can get around this stuff! Thanks for that.

[Blimblam]

Well... you have to admit... . we talk about some serious things here... . and every once in a while I look over and see that I am posting to a gingerbread man... . I HAVE to start laughing. I will take any humor I can get around this stuff! Thanks for that.

I am glad you still have humor intact!  I hope in time Mine will come back.  The gas lighting has caused to me to look for hidden meaning in everything I encounter.

There is a song from the Band tool called at the bottom, some lyrics, "I will find the center in you. I will chew it up and leave... . Trust me... . trust me... . trust me... . " I feel like that song is the demon that torments the borderline and the codependant and the addiction to wanting to trust it.  WHen you listen to the lyrics its like part of you knows something is wrong but you want to trust the lies but you should trust that your want to trust them and there very nature is to " find the center in you" and "chew it up and leave." And the our own, addiction to love is the our demon convincing us to look past the red flags and trust the lies.