Need some encouragement before I lose my mind

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Haven't posted on this board in so long.  God, have I been stupid.  Said he was in therapy, and after many recycles, I fell for it. I moved into a new house, good college kids with me. He needs somewhere to live since he sold his home. Decorates  my entire house beautifully, fills my garage to the brim with all his stuff. Not even 3 months and texting old girlfriends, making plans to golf with a guy who really is a woman,  etc. Call him on it, and here we go again. Raging, I assaulted his character,  he is not going to live under my scrutiny when his conscience is clear,  I have insecurities,  and walks out. Comes back 3 days later with boxes. He can't take me any more. I have a whole house of his crap. I am so embarrassed for my kids. They look at me like, what the hell happened? Now I have no help with rent and beating myself up. Please, some advice... .

[topknot]

Haven't posted on this board in so long.  God, have I been stupid.  Said he was in therapy, and after many recycles, I fell for it. I moved into a new house, good college kids with me. He needs somewhere to live since he sold his home. Decorates  my entire house beautifully, fills my garage to the brim with all his stuff. Not even 3 months and texting old girlfriends, making plans to golf with a guy who really is a woman,  etc. Call him on it, and here we go again. Raging, I assaulted his character,  he is not going to live under my scrutiny when his conscience is clear,  I have insecurities,  and walks out. Comes back 3 days later with boxes. He can't take me any more. I have a whole house of his crap. I am so embarrassed for my kids. They look at me like, what the hell happened? Now I have no help with rent and beating myself up. Please, some advice... .

[Tausk]

I'm sorry for the relapse.  Welcome back. The damage the Disorder leaves behind is exponential with each passing relapse.  We understand.  We've been there before. 

Are you wanting to leave? or Undecided?  

My only suggestion is keep reading and posting.  And, are you seeing a T?

[LettingGo14]

I am sorry you are suffering.  I don't know if I have advice, but I do have thoughts and a perspective which I hope helps.

At the moment, everything feels overwhelming.  It feels like quicksand.  Or a heavy weight that immobilizes us.  This, in fact, could be the bottom -- which, ironically, can be the turning point where you begin your journey back to yourself.   You can mark a bottom here, take a deep breath, and acknowledge the present moment.

When you mark the bottom, you accept what is happening and you don't need to fight it anymore.  It becomes radical acceptance.   You can now turn toward what you need to do to reclaim yourself.

What steps do you need to take now?  It's important to put your oxygen mask on first.  I don't know what that will mean for you, but it means you need to ensure your safety and your boundaries.   I write things down.  I visualize where I want to go, even if I am helpless in the moment.

Please be kind to yourself.  Please stop kicking yourself.  You are here and it's okay.  We start where we are.

Keep posting.  We are here for you.

[topknot]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I have decided to keep promoting my business and do what I need to do to protect myself.  He showed up unannounced yesterday saying Hi as if nothing happened.  I just said I am in the shower, your mail is on the table, and shut the bathroom door. No personal contact,  no talking. Text only if relates to moving his things, otherwise no contact. He can do what he needs to do. No charming  chat to rope me in. So far, so good 

[Trent]

Sounds like you're at the end of your rope, and I can't blame you one bit.  We've all been there.  You know what needs to be done.  Stay strong and keep moving forward!