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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Telling her goodbye  (Read 393 times)
BPD_NYY

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 11


« on: June 19, 2014, 07:32:46 PM »

Well. It's been a process with many meetings with T. Many losses of family, friends, and respect of myself. The road starts tomorrow. I finally hit the bottom. Finally recognized how bad I had let things get.

Tonight I tell her its over.
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Veronykah
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 66



« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2014, 09:26:45 PM »

Wishing you all the best luck. Unfortunately, you, I and everyone else know now she will bring out the big guns. Either the super nice ones or the super horrible ones.

Stay strong. I'm rooting for you.
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myself
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3151


« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2014, 10:38:04 PM »

Thank you for reaching out. This is a trustworthy place to talk about what you're going through. Post. Ask questions. Many of us have felt and been alone in what we're facing, but here we're not. We have each other. The best way I've found to regain self respect is to pick myself up and keep going. My bottom line was walking away from the toxic relationship I was in. It was also a new beginning. I saw light right from the start. Light I knew was there all along, but it took breaking my own patterns to be able to accept it. It was a difficult choice to make, but the one that makes most sense. Sorry you've come to a similar decision, but also, Congratulations. A new chapter, with less 'bad things', is now yours.
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BPD_NYY

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 11


« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2014, 07:15:16 AM »

Despite my attempts at being concise, clear, and not accusation she still proves she has a highly sharpened arsenal of tools. Each word (which is why being concise) provides her another crack in the wall to try to pry at.

NC is clearly in the future as a means to manage the situation. Continuing to communicate clear and simple boundaries and making appropriate plans to keep myself busy focusing on things I enjoy doing.
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 6211


« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2014, 11:15:31 AM »

Hey BPD/NYY, I suspect you will find yourself going around in circles in your discussions with her.  Be concise and let her know its over.  Get on with it!  Relationships with family and friends can be rebuilt, but not until you make the break from your pwBPD.  Good luck, LJ
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
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