My girl had the baby A beautiful little girl and I am so stressed

[ynguns2]

Well the day finally had come this last monday and my girl had given birth to a 7 lb 14 oz beautiful baby girl. I got home from the firehouse that morning and was exhausted I get off at 7 a.m. And went hone right to sleep.

She texts me at 8:15 a.m. And says " My water broke on way to Hosptal " i did not get message till 9:20 a.m. And immediately rushe to Hospital which took me an hour to get there. I walk upstairs and explain to desk who I am and they gave me room # so I went knocked on door and all I hear was " Get out " and that was coming from her mother who is s complete b-word.

The good thing is they let me into room but said dit in corner which pissed me off and was unfair but I did it to not start up trouble. My mom came there too and thst was a relief to me.

A fee hrs passed by and her mom was stewing for an argunent because I never marrried her and we had words.

I want to see my kid but I refused to sign birth certificate because name was not on it as last name of child. I have attorney working on it.

I am s good man but why cant she give the child my last name?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, ynguns2... .I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles with your girl... .It's got to be very stressful with the new baby and all that is going on with her, besides. I see that you've been posting (previously) on the Leaving and Undecided Boards; are you planning on trying to make this relationship work now that the baby is born? Are you planning on checking out the links to the right-hand side of this page to learn how to make things better between the two of you? The Lessons to the right would be very helpful with that, and I'm just curious if that is what you would like to do... .If so, we are all here to help you try to figure that out, ynguns2.

As to your question "Why can't she give the child my last name?"  You mention that you haven't been interested in marrying her, and that has caused some tension with her family... .As a female, I suspect that is probably one of the reasons she is being unwilling to give her daughter your last name, as well as because of this: "I want to see my kid but I refused to sign birth certificate... ."  I'm not saying it's fair to you in any way, but as a female, that is my hunch. You say you have your Attorney looking into it; I hope you can figure this out and make it work... .

I'm mostly wondering if you are interested in making this relationship work; if so, there are ways to try to make that happen, and things you can learn and do to start that process... .What are your thoughts about this?

[ynguns2]

Hi and thanks for reading my post. I wanted to make this work i really did but she had kept raising the bar so high that I could not possibly meet her expectations. I could not afford to buy her a $7k ring or for that matter a $400k house. I have a beautiful house and I offered her to move in with me for awhile to we figure out things such as buying anew home in the future and also because we are both new at being parents.

I cannot move out of Indiana because of my job and she is a school teacher in Illinois  (45min away) she has many options I don't and giving my age of 36 i am too old to transfer to another dept. and I have been on 16 years 4 more till retirement but I can't collect pension till i am 52 so i will be here at least 16 more years.

She was awesome at first and then she got pregnant and instead of focusing on the relationship she was worried what everyone was going to think about her at her school. She is a public school teacher and also Union they cannot fire a teacher just because she is pregnant and she refused to accept this fact.

Her mother is a huge problem and I think that is why she is being so stubborn in this whole situation. Her family even went looking for engagement rings and I was like "No" I will buy one when I am ready and having only dated for 3 months there is no way I was ready.

Another problem was she refused to come to see me at my house and says it's because she was pregnant I understand at 8-9 months but come on "give me a break" and she hated my family because she thinks they did not want me to get married which I told her was wrong but they wanted me to make sure it was for love not just because of a child.

I have seen a therapist and even he said this is a dead end situation and that she is very stubborn especially refusing to go to a therapist together. She has major trust issues and I can recall many times her asking me to send her a pic while I was out with my friends (crazy)

I am trucking along but I am so lonely and I cannot do this by myself. I want to be happy and I should be so happy having a little one but I just cannot seem to be at this time.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, ynguns2... .Thanks for the additional information; I'm really sorry for all the stress this is putting you through. I'm glad you have a Therapist; is he counseling you to detach from this woman? Is that what you are trying to do? I do realize that the addition of your first child does make this process very difficult, and I can imagine the angst you are going through wanting to have a relationship with your baby daughter.

Since this is the Staying Board, our focus here is to preserve a relationship, keeping it intact and loving and working... .The Lessons I mentioned before (the links to the right-hand side of this page) would still be very beneficial to you in figuring out how to at least preserve the relationship enough to work out an arrangement for you to see your new baby. And the Co-parenting after the Split Board would be helpful in navigating the co-parenting waters, also. Maybe you should check out that Board, and all of its educational information, and post your dilemma there, too. What do you think?

I'm really sorry you are having to deal with all of this, yngguns2, but you are in Therapy and on this site, and that really is a good start to figuring this all out... .I wish you well on this new chapter in your life; being a parent is very rewarding