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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: How To Tell My Child About His Mother's BPD  (Read 430 times)
cookiedough21

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« on: August 12, 2014, 05:12:33 PM »

I have tried to get my son into counseling several times. At first I wouldn't bring up the BPD diagnosis of my ex-wife. Now, though, it's something I always mention. My ex typically rages at therapists on the first meeting though so I prefer to warn them of what is coming.

I struggle with what to tell my child and haven't a good answer for that one yet.
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livednlearned
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
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« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2014, 05:15:38 PM »

I have tried to get my son into counseling several times. At first I wouldn't bring up the BPD diagnosis of my ex-wife. Now, though, it's something I always mention. My ex typically rages at therapists on the first meeting though so I prefer to warn them of what is coming.

I struggle with what to tell my child and haven't a good answer for that one yet.

This is a tough one. For 3 years I didn't say anything to my son -- although I did tell him when he was 9 that his dad's behavior was from alcohol. I talked to a child psychologist about whether to tell my son, and she said, "Kids know. They may not know what it's called, but they know something is going on. You're just giving them a name for it."

My T helped me tell S13 the truth -- kids don't need labels is what she said. But she felt he needed to know that I felt there was something wrong, and that there were other adults who agreed.

When we finally had that conversation, it was cathartic for S13.

But it's really important you can be present for your kid, and not have some skin in the game when you have that conversation. That's me paraphrasing my T  Being cool (click to insert in post)
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Breathe.
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
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Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2014, 05:26:49 PM »

We usually recommend this children's book to members: An Umbrella for Alex

It may be, however, a little below your son's age now, as he is what, 9?

In summary, it tells, age appropriately, "Alex" how to weather his mom's emotional storms. You may find it somewhere you can preview. The caution is that in the afterward, it does mention BPD by name. I bought it for my kids, but their mother is undiagnosed, so I will have to be careful if I read it to them later. I have it on our tablet, but it's under my profile, which is password locked.

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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
cookiedough21

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« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2014, 05:31:36 PM »

My son is only 8 and probably not ready for that type of conversation. I know he is aware that something isn't quite right at his other house. He has been especially tearful in the last month or so when he is with me. It was not as much of an issue when he was younger because he was not aware that other Moms were different from his Mom.

Now he sees my wife and how she acts as a mother to our child and to S8 and he sees a big difference. I will go on and brag and say my son is extremely smart!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) A chip off the old block! I can't get anything past him anymore.
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