It's been 25 days and I still think of him.

[Michellinda]

I have not contacted my BPD ex boyfriend and he has not contacted me since the break up. Break up was really bad... him raging screaming like a lunatic at me, punching walls and pushing. It was shocking. The day before we were looking at houses together and he was professing his love to me. This was our second attempt at a relationship. The fight that triggered it was me telling off his best friend's girlfriend who was drunk and disrespectful. I would think he would have sided with me but he didn't. Anyway, I went with my Dad to get all my stuff from his place and I told him I want everything of mine. He brought down three bags packed and my Dad turned to him and said "don't you ever call my daughter again."

So when I get home I see he didn't give me back everything (my leather jacket, high tops and other clothing are still there) Last week as my friend and I were walking home from work I see him he sees me and keeps walking fast. We have been together for a year, we went to get a marriage certificate, our families met and know each other, I miscarried his baby and broke my nose right before the break up (I was hit by a cyclist) and he couldn't say a word to me?

Now I am on day 25 and there has been no contact from him. He did write to a friend of mine saying how painful it is for him and how I deserve better than him. I don't understand how he can be so cruel? I just cant wrap my head around it. I am constantly thinking about him and I feel like such a fool. And I cant help wondering if he is thinking of me. I still cant make sense of it all. Do they think of you? Do they feel sad? Will he ever how wrong he was?

Also I don't want to contact him for my stuff.  I am waiting for his mother to come in September and ask her for it. What do you all think? Need advice. Thank you...

[HopefulDad]

I'm sorry you are suffering this pain.  You are going to be thinking about him for a long time as most do who fall in love.  Try to understand that this is part of the recovery process.

I'm about to pull the plug on my 14 year marriage if my BPDw doesn't seek help for her PD.  I've decided it's the right thing to do.  And just thinking what life will be without her pains me.  I can only imagine how hard it will be when we're actually divorced.

Nobody said the right choice is an easy one.

[Michellinda]

HopefulDad,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I cant even imagine if we had gotten married how much pain I would feel. I know in the long run we will both be better off but its hard to look at things that way now.

[HopefulDad]

HopefulDad,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I cant even imagine if we had gotten married how much pain I would feel. I know in the long run we will both be better off but its hard to look at things that way now.

It is hard and I think that's a big reason why so many stay with their pwBPD.  Yet there are threads like, "Would you do it all again with your pwBPD if you knew about their BPD in advance?" and those same people who stay say "No way!"

If only our head and our heart could be on the same page.