Re: Looking for some insight from people who's SO was BPD

[Youcantfoolme]

 *welcome*I just read through each and every one of these answers and I realized two things, one being that, it doesn't matter how old or mature you are, BPD knows no age limit! Secondly that insecurities seem to be the driving force behind BPD and isolation. I cannot believe how many if you had very similar stories.

there was just way too many things to quote and I'm typing from my phone, so sorry if this is all over the place, in advance!

My one hope is that my brother, at one point in time, realized something wasn't right about his wife. One day, after almost 6 months of not speaking to me, he showed up, unannounced to my house. He and his BPD wife were in the middle of an epic battle because two weeks prior to that day, something had prompted my brother start researching online and whatever he was researching, led him to believe his wife was BPD. In his head, I guess he thought he could fix it by getting himself into therapy to, "learn how to deal with her." That day was the first day he went to therapy and his wife went into a crazy rage because he wouldn't share, exactly what he and the therapist had discussed. Without getting into detail, simply put, it was one if the most dysfunctional fights I've even seen occur between two people who supposedly love each other! She called him, repeatedly ,  over and over again. At one point he was out on my front porch, fighting with her, over the phone for at least 15 minutes straight. When he  finally hung up she kept dialing his number one time after the next. That was the same day he informed me that he wanted to fix our relationship but it would have to be kept a secret until he could figure something out with her.

I don't doubt they have good times but being that I dated a person just like her, I'd imagine those are becoming less frequent at this point. I will always be there for him but at this point, it will only be, when he is ready to leave her. I need to have boundaries. Following that day, I saw then on two different occasions and they acted as if me, my husband and my son, didn't even exist. I haven't spoken to him since.  He's not going to put me through the emotional push-pull, he undoubtedly is going through with her. I won't allow it. He can't just come running to me, whenever things with her aren't going good and then completely ignored me the rest of the time when things with her are good.

[Tibbles]

Youcan'tfoolme - I totally get you setting your own boundaries and choosing not to go through the emotional push/pull. I acted the same way as your brother with my family and while I am sure it looked like I was fine with it and things between me and my ex were good, inside I was so ashamed and embarrassed and disgusted with myself for how I was treating my family. It was so wrong and I could not stop what was going on as I didn't understand how I got into the mess or how I could get out of it. Applying logic to the situation from the outside won't help either your or your brother. He is in a life that has no logic, it lurches from one crisis to the next. My brother listened to me over and over as I fought my way out and I am sure he felt hurt and rejected as I ignored him for long periods of time. He was and still is my life saver - a sane voice when I need to check my understanding of things because I no longer trust my own judgement. I so hope your brother can find his way to you, without hurting you too much in the process, so you can be there for him, the way mine was for me.