maxsterling
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« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2014, 10:36:07 PM » |
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The only way to make things better for you is to put the focus on you instead of on him. Unfortunately, that's much easier said that done. Control what you can control, and leave the rest up to him. His moods, you can't control. When you try and control his moods by altering your behavior, that's called "walking on eggshells", and eventually that will fail in a miserable heap of stress.
You eventually have to come to a point where you accept he is moody and there is nothing you can do about that and not much you can do to prevent it (bad moods will happen and 99% of the time you have nothing to do with it). You protect yourself from being affected by his bad moods through boundaries. When he is raging, validate that he is upset, and then don't engage. Find something else to do. When he is distant, ask him if there is anything you can do for him, and if he says no, go find something else to do. If you come home late from work, "sorry honey, I know you like to see me in the evenings and I know it stinks to be home alone, but sometimes I have to work late, and there is nothing I can do about that." And if he wants to carry on about it, don't defend or explain yourself further. Tell him you already discussed it. If he wants to continue, leave the room.
Again, the key thing that takes a while to learn is that you aren't causing his bad moods, you can't control them, and you can't cure them. That's up to him.
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