How long will it take man... Im tired...

[bunnysc]

Somedays I feel the need to recycle so bad, maybe to search for validation as they say... Man its so hard to deal with your brain and thoughts, our mind plays a ''cheating game''... .I feel like an addict that needs the drug even if I know it will bring MORE PAIN and I know that... .Iv'e been NC for almost 3 months... Its hard not to think about her and the new life she has, why am I the one suffering damn... .

Some days are better and I keep going, looking to do my stuff and being strong... But I wish to have more of that than being stuck thinking about the same old crap.

I just remember our fights her lies, her way of handling life and it gives me chills. But I also remember the great times together, oh GOD why is this so difficult. I would just like to flip a switch and forget it all. As I lay down my brain won't stop 

[lm911]

Same here, patience is everything. You are on the right path, if you think back 3 months ago I am sure that you were feeling worse than today.

[Recooperating]

Hey bunnysc,

Im so sorry you are in so much pain! It really is such a hard thing to get over! Its a real struggle and its so unfair.

Embrace those good times, remember them with love, be thankful that out of this chaos, drama and pain you at least had some beautifull times too. Also realize that these good times were a scenario from a romantic movie. She gave you the leading part, she wrote the script by reading you and what you would like. She made it the " Bunnysc story" to attach you to her. To you it was as real as it gets, I am sorry to say, she just played her part.

Maybe you can try to distract yourself in there hard times. Do a physicall activity to shift from mind to body.

Also know that you dont need to settle for this kind of relationship. Somewhere out there is a woman who will give you very good times, but wont give you the lies, manipulation, the cheating, the rage... .There are healthy women outthere! The kind of woman you deserve!

Hang in there! Try to stay positive. Believe in your own strenght and selfworth. Keep focussing on a happy, peacefull, harmonious future and you shall overcome!

Stay NC.

This to shall pass... .

 for you in these dificult times.

[Lost23]

I know how you're feeling man. It's been 6 months separated for me. Unfortunately we have 3 kids so I can't ever go N/C unless I bring courts into it. I still care about her and I worry too much what effect that would have on her mental state. For myself, the first 3 months were just like you described. The I started to accept it and look forward to my future. I was happy for her moving on. Then everything got hostile between us. Now it's her changing her story and trying to get me back. I don't think this is ever simple. Sometimes the good times cloud the memories of the bad. It's strange it's kind of like our brains become conditioned to function the opposite of how our BPD partners do. They remember only the bad sometimes and make it bigger than it was, while we've spent so much time dwelling on the good to endure the pains. How do we rewire ourselves after so much time like that?

[Nomad1027]

It is hard. It is. I understand how you feel.

I last saw her on July 21 and communicated with her on August 4 for the last time. Not a day goes by that I do not wonder how she is.

But it gets better. Stay no contact and get busy rediscovering who you are. It gets better every passing day. It takes a while, but the jumbled thinking, the internal negotiating, the turmoil, and the doubt all do slowly fade.

Hang in there and take time for yourself.

[drummerboy]

Exercise really helps me and recalling the constant drama and crisis. A BPD r/s wears you out. Don't feel guilty if you just want to lay around the house but then then get up and go for a long walk, sit in a coffee shop, think about joining a meetup group. The trauma may mean you need to see a therapist, not to talk about her but to work on yourself.

[bunnysc]

Thanks you all so much! Your guys really help a lot I mean a lot! I don't know if you guys get this but for some reason I blame myself for what happened. I think I was the crazy one, I was the controller, I was the one responsible why the relationship went in to flames. But as a ''hope2727'' says

I find it so sad that they bring out the worst in us in some ways.

I was a different person with her, I sure became a controller, a freak and overall just like paranoid waiting what her next move was. I never trusted her, neither what she did with her friends or when she was in college... .She was a WAIF so she never ''raged''... I think this is the worse being ''passive aggressive''  :'(

There must be something with all this, and I think its the way she lived day to day (Lying, manipulating playing the victim)... So I developed like a ''sense'' that I had to take care of her   Jesus, I was like her slave when she needed me, but when she was by herself she lived her miserable life whether if it was with her friends, at college etc... .