Today starts delete and throw fairy tale memories and pictures away

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Actually yesterday started my "throw things away day" . Today I have started to delete the pictures in my phone. There are hundreds of them. I don't know how to delete many at a time, so it is painfully one by one. I'm thinking maybe I should ask for some help. It does hurt quite a bit, but I know I will feel better knowing this is just another step towards my total control of me and my emotions. It's healthy and it will feel good even though it hurts right now. I have decided to daily make another conscious effort to erase the fairy tale I created in my mind.

Yesterday was no tears the entire day! I feel myself distancing and getting stronger every minute of everyday by having no contact N/C.

There are thousands of pictures on my iPad. This will take time!

Anybody know how to delete multi pictures on a samsung galaxy 3 or iPad. Your tech advise would help me speed up this process.

Thank you in advance.

[Rifka]

Actually yesterday started my "throw things away day" . Today I have started to delete the pictures in my phone. There are hundreds of them. I don't know how to delete many at a time, so it is painfully one by one. I'm thinking maybe I should ask for some help. It does hurt quite a bit, but I know I will feel better knowing this is just another step towards my total control of me and my emotions. It's healthy and it will feel good even though it hurts right now. I have decided to daily make another conscious effort to erase the fairy tale I created in my mind.

Yesterday was no tears the entire day! I feel myself distancing and getting stronger every minute of everyday by having no contact N/C.

There are thousands of pictures on my iPad. This will take time!

Anybody know how to delete multi pictures on a samsung galaxy 3 or iPad. Your tech advise would help me speed up this process.

Thank you in advance.

[camuse]

on galaxy 3 I think if you press one picture and hold it down for a couple of seconds, then tap all the other pictures, it selects them all so you can then press delete to delete them all.

[thereishope]

... .Can you have someone else do it for you?  It might help to just "get it done" without having to put yourself through the misery of looking at ANY of them anymore... .Just a suggestion... .I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, and am dreading it myself... . 

[Rifka]

on galaxy 3 I think if you press one picture and hold it down for a couple of seconds, then tap all the other pictures, it selects them all so you can then press delete to delete them all.

Thank you so much. Yes I did it and that was so much better!

[Ihope2]

I am not a tech expert, so I have no advice about how to multi delete, but I can offer my empathy and words of support.

Detaching is painful, but it gets less painful as time progresses.

I do not have tons of pictures to throw away, but after my divorce, I deleted each and every email I ever received from my exBPDh.  I tore up every note he ever wrote to me.  I gave away whatever of his things he left behind.

I still have our wedding rings, they are cheap jewellery, as we eloped and there was no money or time to do things in style.

I am soon going to be travelling to a part of our country that is desert-like and very sparse, but yet quite beautiful. I will be in a place called the "Valley of Desolation", which is a big canyon in the middle of nowhere.  That is where I will toss the rings... .

[freedom33]

This is tough man. I feel for you. I have deleted pictures and then collected all the triggers, pictures (print) and other stuff in a box and shoved them in the loft. When I will completely clear my head I will throw them away. Or maybe when that time comes I will have forgotten about it and I might find them after years when it wouldnt matter anymore.

It is so tough what you are going through. Just do as much as you can. Don't push yourself if you are not ready yet - this might push you the other way. Keep in there! You will feel relieved when you are done.

[freedom33]

I am soon going to be travelling to a part of our country that is desert-like and very sparse, but yet quite beautiful. I will be in a place called the "Valley of Desolation", which is a big canyon in the middle of nowhere.  That is where I will toss the rings... .

I love this bit!

If I get a chance I might go and throw our broken dreams reflected in letters and cards at a place called ":)eath Valley"

[Mr Hollande]

The last photos I deleted of mine were six month old stragglers on an SD card. What I saw was a haggard looking woman. A shadow of the pretty girl I had first met 5 years earlier. I deleted them with the same determination you'd throw out a cat who'd dragged a dead rodent into the house. It felt neither good nor bad. In the name of hygiene it just had to be done and quickly.

[drummerboy]

You're going the right thing Rifka! I did it, it didn't help heaps but it meant less triggers. We are all in this together and here for you whenever you need to vent.

Actually yesterday started my "throw things away day" . Today I have started to delete the pictures in my phone. There are hundreds of them. I don't know how to delete many at a time, so it is painfully one by one. I'm thinking maybe I should ask for some help. It does hurt quite a bit, but I know I will feel better knowing this is just another step towards my total control of me and my emotions. It's healthy and it will feel good even though it hurts right now. I have decided to daily make another conscious effort to erase the fairy tale I created in my mind.

Yesterday was no tears the entire day! I feel myself distancing and getting stronger every minute of everyday by having no contact N/C.

There are thousands of pictures on my iPad. This will take time!

Anybody know how to delete multi pictures on a samsung galaxy 3 or iPad. Your tech advise would help me speed up this process.

Thank you in advance.

[Rifka]

... .Can you have someone else do it for you?  It might help to just "get it done" without having to put yourself through the misery of looking at ANY of them anymore... .Just a suggestion... .I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, and am dreading it myself... . 

I took a deep breath and did it! Hard but necessary! I had to do it myself because for me it is part of my healing. I could not feel any stronger pain than what I felt in my r/s, and finally putting my foot down and ending the abuse I was allowing in my life. This first month away from him has been heart wrenching, felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I felt confused, swung back and forth with so many emotions in my head and heart. Tomorrow will be 1 month of my freedom! I know I'm trying to rush this to end but I guess that is just me. I feel I already let this 9 month r/s has suck so much of my energy out of me. I'm putting myself on a recovery plan for myself. I might fall off the plan a bit, but I will get back on track if I do. NC IS MANDITORY FOR ME ! I need to be strong for myself and health. I was really so physically I'll from the stress I allowed in. Headaches, stomach aches, pains, lack of appetite,. Everything has basically gone away since the breakup. I eat better with others, but I am eating again. There was no appetite. I was forcing myselfDay to eat, not that a few lbs off could hurt.

[Rifka]

Thank you everybody! I am here for you all too!

I love the ring idea and the symbolism!

I feel it's good and healthy.

Ok I did my phone! Any advice about deleting multi photos on the iPad?

I have the texts still on my phone, but since I had to file a stalking police report, I will keep them for another month in case I need proof of anything in writing. I know I need to delete them because there are many pictures and words that could trigger me to feel unfocused and melancholy.

I picture us all at the beach with a bonfire, laughing and tossing away all of our pain and memories into the fire together. How cool would that be to do it together?

[thereishope]

... .Can you have someone else do it for you?  It might help to just "get it done" without having to put yourself through the misery of looking at ANY of them anymore... .Just a suggestion... .I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, and am dreading it myself... . 

I took a deep breath and did it! Hard but necessary! I had to do it myself because for me it is part of my healing. I could not feel any stronger pain than what I felt in my r/s, and finally putting my foot down and ending the abuse I was allowing in my life. This first month away from him has been heart wrenching, felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I felt confused, swung back and forth with so many emotions in my head and heart. Tomorrow will be 1 month of my freedom! I know I'm trying to rush this to end but I guess that is just me. I feel I already let this 9 month r/s has suck so much of my energy out of me. I'm putting myself on a recovery plan for myself. I might fall off the plan a bit, but I will get back on track if I do. NC IS MANDITORY FOR ME ! I need to be strong for myself and health. I was really so physically I'll from the stress I allowed in. Headaches, stomach aches, pains, lack of appetite,. Everything has basically gone away since the breakup. I eat better with others, but I am eating again. There was no appetite. I was forcing myselfDay to eat, not that a few lbs off could hurt.

This makes very much sense... .I envy you.  I too feel as though an endless mourning after the fact is completely unnecessary because we've all endured SO MUCH PAIN while IN the BPD r/s!  If I ever get there, it is going to be completely NC, and with every possible trigger removed.  So much of my "self" has been swallowed up already... .once I make the break, I need to be "full steam ahead" in healing myself and getting healthy!  I regret having recycled the last time because I had been at my parents' house, out of state for a week, and really felt happy and free, and did not miss him at all... .I KNEW that if I came back, I would be DIVING INTO THE OBLIVION OF LOSING MYSELF AGAIN... .but I did it anyways... ."hoping for the best"... .DUH!   

[Rifka]

This makes very much sense... .I envy you.  I too feel as though an endless mourning after the fact is completely unnecessary because we've all endured SO MUCH PAIN while IN the BPD r/s!  If I ever get there, it is going to be completely NC, and with every possible trigger removed.  So much of my "self" has been swallowed up already... .once I make the break, I need to be "full steam ahead" in healing myself and getting healthy!  I regret having recycled the last time because I had been at my parents' house, out of state for a week, and really felt happy and free, and did not miss him at all... .I KNEW that if I came back, I would be DIVING INTO THE OBLIVION OF LOSING MYSELF AGAIN... .but I did it anyways... ."hoping for the best"... .DUH!   [/quote]
I recycled three times. That reminds me I have to delete the saved voice mails (another trigger)

We all do, don't beat yourself up! When you are ready is the time it will be the time.

We all deserve to be loved, not abused.

If we don't completely love ourselves then it is basically impossible to have somebody love us.

I am not talking of BPD people, who are not capable of what we the nons know as love.

Hugs to you, I know how I felt this past month and during this r/s. It is the strongest pain other than the death of a very close loved one.

It is only up to us to let this go and have pleasure again in our lives.

I remember through out this r/s thinking and focusing on the fantastic times, which were so many. My life is very exciting and we did all of my events and nightlife activities together. Weekends full of great events and high adrenaline fun filled hours.

The thing was, that was my life before him and slowly is becoming my life again after him.

I allowed him into my life, my home, my friendships, my brain and my world! It was very exciting for him! I was slowly pulled from everything, had a man basically living in my home for free for months on end, never even brought a bag if groceries. We had so many money discussions and debates that I always lost and eventually stopped because of his nastiness afterwards. I put my foot down to him paying for the occasional meals or drinks out. He has a great high paying job.

I took him everywhere, he was so excited by his exposure to my fun crazy fun life.

My question to myself after each big debate was how much do I really need from this man and what the hell was the pull other than the amazing sex( ok that was it! ) there was not any hope of a future with such an angry cheap man.

It was hard to escape that controlled state of mind that they all seem to have the capability of bringing us to. ( I totally accept that I allowed it) I have self reflected so much over this past month! Thank goodness I was told the last lie and intense form of disrespect that I could take, which made my head pop and realize I could not do this to myself any longer.

There are great meetup groups all over the world for you to get out and have some fun with people of all of our ages.

Keeping busy and having something to do any night or day has really helped. The meetups are people who want to do specific things, movies, dinner, bowling, theatre, discussions, dancing, hiking, biking but not alone. They are wonderful!

I know I'm done going backward on this path to nowhere good.

My friends were so mad at me and truly could not understand why I would not leave when I was letting myself be so abused. Only people in these threads understand the feeling of not knowing that answer ourselves.

All of the information is here and all of the answers to give us the power to go forward if we choose to endore the intense pain initially. It is horrible at first, but does get easier with NC!

Lots and lots of hugs to you all. I feel the pain, I also feel the love!

[thereishope]

Rifka... .Thank you for the encouragement.  I trust you know what you are talking about, and I appreciate your input from "the other side".   

[camuse]

Thanks for the thread. I removed every possible memory of her - all the things she bought, anything we bought together, all photos, all gone. All that remains is a picture she painted for me. I did one for her too. I wonder if she threw mine out? I haven't quite decided to throw it out yet, I wonder if one day I'll be sad I did, after all at the time it seemed a lovely thing to do. She worked hard on it. I realise now she did it because she wanted to, not to please me, but still feels sad to throw it out. But I probably will do. The r/s is not a happy memory for me now, all the good memories are tarnished, and that is sad, but it is the fact which has to be faced.

[freedom33]

Thanks for the thread. I removed every possible memory of her - all the things she bought, anything we bought together, all photos, all gone. All that remains is a picture she painted for me. I did one for her too. I wonder if she threw mine out? I haven't quite decided to throw it out yet, I wonder if one day I'll be sad I did, after all at the time it seemed a lovely thing to do. She worked hard on it. I realise now she did it because she wanted to, not to please me, but still feels sad to throw it out. But I probably will do. The r/s is not a happy memory for me now, all the good memories are tarnished, and that is sad, but it is the fact which has to be faced.

Maybe just remove it and store it somewhere that you dont go often. A loft, garage, shed?

That's what I did with the stuff that reminded me of her. Not in a state to go through and decide what stays and what doesnt. You can look at it in 10 years and at that time the power this stuff has over you will be dispelled

[camuse]

Thanks for the thread. I removed every possible memory of her - all the things she bought, anything we bought together, all photos, all gone. All that remains is a picture she painted for me. I did one for her too. I wonder if she threw mine out? I haven't quite decided to throw it out yet, I wonder if one day I'll be sad I did, after all at the time it seemed a lovely thing to do. She worked hard on it. I realise now she did it because she wanted to, not to please me, but still feels sad to throw it out. But I probably will do. The r/s is not a happy memory for me now, all the good memories are tarnished, and that is sad, but it is the fact which has to be faced.

Maybe just remove it and store it somewhere that you dont go often. A loft, garage, shed?

That's what I did with the stuff that reminded me of her. Not in a state to go through and decide what stays and what doesnt. You can look at it in 10 years and at that time the power this stuff has over you will be dispelled

That is exactly what I have done for now.

[Rifka]

Rifka... .Thank you for the encouragement.  I trust you know what you are talking about, and I appreciate your input from "the other side".   

I'm not there yet until I feel strong enough to leave these threads as every bodies words help me keep going forward everyday. I look back on the last week here and all of the strength and power I have taken back for myself. I love that I know I'm not completely insane because I became involved in a BPD r/s. I now understand how it happened, why I stayed as long as I did, why it was so addictive. I totally agree oxytocin and cortisol played a big part. Those chemicals can be dangerous. I respect the power of the person who has BPD. I also understand the need I have in myself to play Florence nightingale and try to save the world. I need to be careful as a caregiver to understand the sometimes unclear boundaries that we all step over at times. I am working on my issues. I understand now what to look for when those huge red flags are waving in my face (DO NOT IGNORE!) I just pushed right through them to save him from all of the pain he shared with me, I know I had no business taking on that role. We were friends first who became lovers and I fell in love. It happens to the best of us! I know he has this illness only recently after I already had broken up with him. Sharing his diagnosis was his last attempt to pull me back in to help him further, thankfully at that point I was so exhausted from the insanity of us that I had nothing more of myself to give. I was also able to ask myself what was he offering of himself that will make my life happier again. There was silence in my mind. I had everything to give at one point, but he had taken it all and I allowed it. I took it back! It's mine! I know I won't go back, for what!