"let's be friends and get together later"

[Tater tot]

Mine said,  " I just want to put this on hold right now".  He went out on a date within 3 days of us last seeing each other before he told me he wanted to put us on hold, which of course was my fault for figuratively putting him up against a corner by asking him to talk with me about his feelings after an argument.  He's words were telling when I confronted him on this girl, and he said I write you a check you can cash that I won't be talking to her in a month because she'll say something I don't agree with and I'll give her the boot too.  Well they lasted less than 2 weeks.

[Penumbra66]

My xBPDgf dumped me for a married guy she'd been seeing (and getting high with) off and on for a few weeks, while we were supposedly trying to repair the damage of their affair. The next day she insisted that she loved me and couldn't picture me not being in her life, just not "romantically," because she had to be with someone else "for now." But we were still soulmates and she could see us getting back together "one day." She also said she had a feeling she would wake up sooner rather than later, possibly sober, and realize she had made a "horrible" mistake, because she had feelings that would not go away. I am honestly not sure what her feelings were, because in most cases it was a sense of guilt for hurting me rather than missing me or trying to make amends (or so she claimed).

Even if she felt these things at the time, expressing them is totally unfair. Most people don't wish to add confusion and ambiguity to an already difficult situation.

[Infared]

My xBPDgf dumped me for a married guy she'd been seeing (and getting high with) off and on for a few weeks, while we were supposedly trying to repair the damage of their affair. The next day she insisted that she loved me and couldn't picture me not being in her life, just not "romantically," because she had to be with someone else "for now." But we were still soulmates and she could see us getting back together "one day." She also said she had a feeling she would wake up sooner rather than later, possibly sober, and realize she had made a "horrible" mistake, because she had feelings that would not go away. I am honestly not sure what her feelings were, because in most cases it was a sense of guilt for hurting me rather than missing me or trying to make amends (or so she claimed).

Even if she felt these things at the time, expressing them is totally unfair. Most people don't wish to add confusion and ambiguity to an already difficult situation.

I had to read that twice to make sure that I had read it correctly. I am so sorry that you had to go through that situation in your life... It must have been very painful. What struck me with my situation, I see here in yours so clearly,  is that with pwBPD they act as though they are the only person that matters, we are just an adornment or better yet an accessory.  The level of self-centeredness and to me, outright cruelty is just mind blowing. I identify with your situation. In my case  my pwBPD did similar actions yet expressed no guilt at all. It was very damaging to my psyche. Hope you are doing OK.

[Popcorn71]

What struck me with my situation, I see here in yours so clearly,  is that with pwBPD they act as though they are the only person that matters, we are just an adornment or better yet an accessory.  The level of self-centeredness and to me, outright cruelty is just mind blowing.

This is exactly what my ex was like too.  The fact that he was abusing a child didn't matter.  My son's feelings and my feelings didn't matter.  All that mattered to my ex was that he was OK.

It is so difficult to understand that any human being could think like that.

[Heartandsole]

Ive spent today pondering the whole recycle thing.

As some may be aware Ive taken an interest in how hormones affect peoples moods and how cortisol in particular may have a major role in BPD.

One of the things that muddys my theory is that prolonged high levels of cortisol cause severe health problems.

This got me thinking about the whole cheating/ new relationship/ recycle issue. Could it be possible that these are nothing more than a means for the BPD to balance out their hormones and prevent more severe health issues.

The fact that a BPD wants to return to one person may actually be that they like them and not some twisted game as some people see it. The BPD doesn't know why they do these things all they know is that when theyre with one person for a long time they end up more and more upset.

Just a thought.

Whoa... .no I had never heard of this.  My uBPDw has had Lymphoma then chemo and her hormones were all over the place.  I used to think that hormonal dysregulation was the core problem, later to know that BPD is the core problem, but hormones are no joke!  We are all just a water bag full of chemicals after all.  I helped her get on bio-identical hormones and she was a lot healthier and more stable for some time.  But you may be right that if they are not happy intrinsically and they are with someone for a long time, it does end up being their fault... .OBVIOUSLY! 

Cortisol is nothing to play around with.  I was so stressed out at one time with work and personal life I had adrenal fatigue from too much coritsol all the time and I crashed into a depression and it took me a long time to crawl out.