All of us nonBPDs can learn from this website, and all of us nonBPDs have different tolerance and different patience levels.
I have been tolerant and patient with my BPDw for a long, long time, almost 13 years. Early on in the honeymoon stage when she really did not reveal her true identity of being a BPD, we made separate wills. Having been totally in love with her, I made her and her now D17 the sole inheritors.
More and more, I see how negative both of them are, and, more and more, I see how my daughters from my first marriage truly are loving people whom I love so very much, and one of them in particular is much closer to me than the other.
I am thinking about changing my will so that any money that is available after my demise will be equally divided between my BPDw, her now D17, and my daughters. I don't want any fights about any money left over, and I am thinking about putting in a clause that if anyone does contest my will, that there are not given anything at all.
I want to do this independently, because it is my will. As for anything else involved with my will, I am thinking to have a very dear friend who is like a sister to me to be the executor or whatever the term is. I trust my very dear friend more so than my own BPDw.
There are parts of me that love my BPDw, but there are parts of me that truly do not trust her.
Obviously, this is a personal matter for all of us, but I was wondering if any of you have modified your wills due to your BPD's behavior.
I have not modified my will because it does not principally affect my estate. They can scratch with the assets still in my name, but it isn't much. This because my assets are in trusts, two of them. One a family trust and the other a business trust. The family one has safe assets with no risks, cash, endowments etc, the business one holds the riskier assets, shareholdings. The principle is that nothing can touch the family trust, there is no risk in it.
Also, I have changed the beneficiaries to only my 3 daughters. My w has threatened divorce 18 times, so I am managing the risk there. There are two trustees, my sister and a lawyer. I trust my sister implicitly (perhaps similar to your friend) to dish out the money in a responsible manner to my children. My instruction to her is to make sure my wife never has access to the money, ever, even when it in the children's accounts. I know that sounds harsh, but my wife is very clever at fraud and all sorts of other financial nonsense. This is black and white for me. She would blow all the money otherwise.
The beauty of this that there is no winding up of the estate. If I die tomorrow my sister has access immediately as the trustee, and the only lawyer involved is the on I trust to sit with her and make the appropriate financial decisions at the right time.
Perhaps you can explore the trust option? It has alot of benefits, and very flexible. You write an instruction about who is beneficiary etc and the trustees execute it.
