New here with 11yo son

[mamaafrika]

Hello everyone. I recently joined the group and have been doing loads of reading. My 11yo DS has recently moved from a bipolar dx to emerging BPD. I have had a hard time getting my head around it. We have already had so many hard years, and I'm feeling exhausted by the thought of what might be to come. We live in South Africa, and there doesn't seem to be much therapeutic support here.

I know he is really young to have a doc willing to give voice to this dx. But there is definitely something serious going on. Both psychiatrist and T agree that he displays intense emotional dysregulation, and has no core sense of self. He struggles with anger and intense sadness. Lots of suicidal talk, he genuinely wants to be dead. We are seeing an increase in the beginnings of self harm behavior, banging his head against the wall, scratching and pinching himself, writing all over his body when distressed.

So, that's the basics of our story. Any input from those who have insight would be so welcome.

mama afrika

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Elbry]

 

Just wanted to drop a note to welcome you to the board.  You will find a lot of support and information here.  I'm sorry to hear there is a lack of services where you are but it is a good thing your son is getting diagnosed. 

My daughter is 15 and she is unofficially diagnosed because even though many people including therapists, psychiatrists, nurse practitioners, case managers, doctors, etc. have told me she has BPD, no one will officially diagnose her until she is 18.  I am so thankful she is being treated for it though with DBT.  Right now she is in the hospital for the 4th time after her 4th suicide attempt and we have started the process of getting her into a DBT based program for adolescents at a Residential Treatment center.  That is the VERY condensed version of my story. 

[jellibeans]

Dear mamaafrica

I am so sorry your are all struggling right now. Your son is so young and although that is hard it is also good to know what you are dealing with and get him the help he needs. I want to suggest a book by Valerie Porr "Overcoming BPD" it really has helped me understand this disorder and gave me sight into how the person with BPD thinks. Also I am glad you have found this site... .there are a lot of tools and articles to read here. Look to the right side bar and there is a lot to read and it all has been very helpful to me. Using SET... .setting boundaries... .validating are all key to helping your son.

The support here that I have personally received has helped me so much. I just don't know where I would be without the support and advise I have got here. I suggest to post a question or share a concern and then people can give you their advise and there experiences. Welcome here... .hang in there... .you are not alone

[tristesse]

welcome mamaafrica,

Like everybody else, I am sorry that you are struggling right now.

my pwBPD is my 30 year old daughter. I have been living this life for a very long time.

There is a wealth of information and support here on this site. We understand what you are going through and how you feel.

I want to suggest that you read any information that you can about reactive attachment disorder as well as the information on BPD. Reactive attachment disorder is generally what children are diagnosed with in liew of BPD, and going untreated or having been mis-diagnosed in childhood they are diagnosed as adults with BPD.

I think you have taken a big step in searching this board out and posting. please keep us updated.

[qcarolr]

mamaafrica   

So glad you have found us. There is so much pain in your family. There are others here with young one with traits of BPD. The strategies here work for young and older children as well as our adult kids.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? It is so important to keep from getting burned out and overwhelmed. Self-care routines have so helped me to function better in caring for my girls. Only with reaching out to build a solid support network have I made progress with my family - BPDDD28, gd9, dh and myself. This support group was a first step. Sounds like you have a start with the treatment team.

What a gift to have this pdoc and T in your son's life. Is the T able to work with you and your son on at least the DBT skills? These helped me so much when I first found out about BPD when my DD was finally diagnosed at age 23.  She too struggled from infancy (well 11 months is the last baby-book entry; "she is having really bad tantrums!".

She had ADHD dx age 4, bipolar dx age 6, then anxiety, depression, etc. When her 2nd child, my gs now 6, was put in foster care the court ordered a psych and neuro-psych exam. The BPD dx was added to the mix. This led me to bpdfamily and my gaining more effective survival strategies. She still makes bad choices and gets emotionally unstable/dysregulated in cycles. I sometimes wish for a 'do-over' to know what I do now when she was young. I think her life would still be somewhat of a roller coaster. Maybe she would have used better strategies to manage instead of the drug choices she has made. My life may have been more stable. Dh and I are raising our gd age 9. My gs will be age 7 soon and was adopted by his foster parents where he lived from 5 months.

Things can get better. Valerie Porr's book "Overcoming BPD" is a really good resource. She has the newest research based information about what BPD is and how it impacts the pwBPD and the family. Another book that gave some great insight and some strategies is "Brained-Based Parenting... ." by Daniel Hughes. This comes from an attachment focused parenting model. It gave me a new perspective for parenting both my DD28 and gd9. His P.A.C.E. program fit well with the values/boundaries/validation model that the tools and lessons in the sidebar explain.

Here are links to the reviews of these books:

"Brain-based Parenting"      https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=195469.0

"Overcoming BPD"      https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=128777.0

Keep coming back and sharing your story, asking questions... .We care.

qcr

[jessmomof8]

Welcome, I just joined a week or so ago.  My 14yo DD is also newly diagnosed with BPD.     It's so hard seeing our babies in so much pain.