absolutely SICK to my stomach.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Today I actually posted on the undecided board.  I was low,  her breaks of NC combined with other information that the replacement had left had me concerned and I was considering reaching out.

I've been worried sick all day going back and forth in my head,  maybe she needs help and support.  Maybe I should do something.

Then what do I discover?

She's begun a recycle with a dude from a couple of years ago.

I feel vile. She makes my skin crawl. I am literally SICK to my stomach.

Never underestimate these people. They will break you again and again and again. 

I'm disgusted beyond words.

To think... .

Arghhhhhhhh

[Infern0]

Today I actually posted on the undecided board.  I was low,  her breaks of NC combined with other information that the replacement had left had me concerned and I was considering reaching out.

I've been worried sick all day going back and forth in my head,  maybe she needs help and support.  Maybe I should do something.

Then what do I discover?

She's begun a recycle with a dude from a couple of years ago.

I feel vile. She makes my skin crawl. I am literally SICK to my stomach.

Never underestimate these people. They will break you again and again and again. 

I'm disgusted beyond words.

To think... .

Arghhhhhhhh

[enlighten me]

You need to use this and every other thing she has done to you to break the pull she has on you. With my uBPD ex wife I am at the point of indifference. When she came to me this summer and asked my advice I could happily give it and felt no emotional attachment. This is the ultimate goal for most of us on the leaving board. Im still working on my feelings towards my uBPDexgf but everyday they are getting closer to indifference.

Stay strong your doing great.

[Tolou]

Inferno.

I used to believe what will she do if she is really in trouble, or hurt, or needs someone? But the truth is, she was surviving for 35 years prior to meeting me, and she will survive without me now as well.  I know nothing of her personal life as this literally almost the only social media I am involved.

I am 13 months N.C. and I see her at work all the time, she's here now, I don't go out of my way to ignore her or be cruel I just do my job and keep it moving. I don't sasy anything to her and she eventauly mirrored that behavior or just got the point that I was done.  Really, I tried to be cordial, but how can I if I became her biggest trigger.

It's okay to sway back and forth with want you want and think you want from another person, but try not to subject yourself to something that is unhealthy for makes your self worth and value far less and comprise all that you are.  I had to let go for myself adn though there is pain from what happened still here because I see an every single day reminder, I know the real side to her misery and I don't want that. She respects people and treats them nicely after painting herself the victim, but the truth is, that feelings are facts to her, and she is the victim, and I let her be that so as long she stays away. It super hard in the begining, but once I concentrated on me, I was no longer worried about "what if she" because she would never do the same for, I just wish her well and tell myself this didn't work, need to move on to someone who can return something more healthy and mutual, reciprocal, maybe it is easier because I have that now, and found someone.  Someone who respects me, is there for me, and me for her, no shadiness, no lying, stealing, manipulating, mind games, none of that, just two people who respect eachother and appreciate one anothers time.  With her if wasn't all about her, it wasn't anything, that's not  love.

[Infern0]

I actually just threw up.  Her behavior actually made me physically sick. I am in a state,  friends.

I just can't belive her on any level. I'm so disgusted with myself.

[Tibbles]

Inferno - its ok. You are human and the hold they have over us is very strong. Yell - vent, get it out. You may have started to sway but you held strong. You are still on your path to healing, and this has been a big bump in the road but you are still on that road. You are a strong, determined, caring soul and it is OK to make mistakes, but not to beat up on yourself. That's been done enough. Time to let go and heal. x x

[camuse]

Sickening. But this says nothing about you, only about her.

This might be just what you need to help you detach. But it's horrible, I know

These people are truly sick.

[Tolou]

sorry man... .

you need to think about yourself and your health and do your best through the down to remember that you will get back up!

[Witchway]

Hi Infern0,  sorry to heat you are struggling today. When I first came here I would sometimes have really bad anxiety resulting, sometimes in bring physically sick, so I know where you are coming from. Try to relax and control your breathing as this is a reaction to your thoughts. So try to be kind to yourself and not believe everything you think. Try to write down negative thoughts and reflect on them - I found it helped a lot. Another thing I would do was hold an ice-cube (yeah seriously) ... .I don't know hoe but the coldness seemed to focus my mind on the physical discomfort and not the psychological discomfort - unfortunately a legacy of being involved with BPD.

[Take2]

I actually just threw up.  Her behavior actually made me physically sick. I am in a state,  friends.

I just can't belive her on any level. I'm so disgusted with myself.

Inferno... .you have no reason to be disgusted with yourself... .  you've done nothing wrong here.  Your initial thoughts were of caring about someone.  Your reaction is totally understandable to finding out something so horrifying.  Be gentle to yourself today.  Do whatever you can that might ease your stress... .   

[bewildered2]

you may feel sick to your stomach today, but you will get better.

she will not. ever.

if you can keep that in mind, the you will realize that she is in a far worst state than you, and that she deserves your compassion.

hang in there, it will get better (for you)... .

b2

[merm49]

you may feel sick to your stomach today, but you will get better.

she will not. ever.

if you can keep that in mind, the you will realize that she is in a far worst state than you, and that she deserves your compassion.

hang in there, it will get better (for you)... .

b2

Exactly.

It's tough as hell, but there is no helping them nor reasoning with them nor logically explaining your behavior.  Block her on all phone/email/social media platforms--batton down the the hatches so to speak.  Surround yourself with friends and family--those who actually care about you and whom you trust, get a therapist if you don't already have one. 

This is the only way.

[maric]

Hi Inferno,

I'm with you in this. Same sensation. I've spend days thinking about should I send a happy birthday email or not – her birthday is this week... .but today I discover the kinda guy she replaced me with... .jesus, it's a disgusting human being... .I mean, the vision of him made me feel like throwing up too.

No happy birthdays for this succubus! How could she did what she did to me? Leave me waiting for her while she was f... .this piece of s... .! Saying I LOVE YOU, YOURE THE ONE FOR ME, while she was having sex with this disgusting thing... .Oh lord, give me strenght... .

[BlackandBlue]

Im really sorry and I certainly can relate. I have to to work with my ex girlfriend who is BPD and its terrible. I recently found out she is already in another relationship and was also in a relationship with someone else I work with (before I met her) and hes an disgusting a piece of crap. I heard rumors that they were once together (while she was married) and when I asked if they were true she of course denied it. I never quite believed her though... .my gut feeling told me otherwise. Deep down I think she is so ashamed and doesnt want to admitt to cheating on her husband with such a worthless piece of trash. My advice is to stay clear of tue social media stuff... .its just bring more heartache. I know you guys care about your ex's but if the tables were turned would they be concerned about your well being? I know it hurts like hell... .i had and awful week last week to the point where I was making myself sick too but hang in there... .dont give up fighting

[Infared]

Inferno, I got physically ill numerous times during the early stages... .sometimes I would just wretch. Needless to say, it was Godawful! I think our bodies are trying to evacuate our emotional pain from us.  It was that intense for me, too.

Take solace in the fact that you were giving your heart honest and true. Take solace in the fact that YOU have that ability. It is a beautiful thing.  Unfortunately we discover that we have been giving the best part of ourselves to a very sick, but very crafty and manipulative person, who has perfectly deceived us, but because they are mentally sick. They cannot help their behavior. It is who they are.

All we can do is focus on ourselves and work at recovery and understanding the situation and how we were a part of it. Try to be easy on yourself, and very understanding of you and your pain. Just take baby steps and move forward through this... .it slowly gets better! You can do it!

[Leaving]

Inferno,

My husband has BPD, he's over-the-top dangerously passive aggressive and he's narcissistic.  I'm in the process of leaving and it's taking me longer than I had hoped because I have no job, no money and no friends or family to support me. My husband won't help me of course.  I noticed a very profound change in myself this past weekend in how I react to my husband's chaos, negativity and destructive behavior. I don't know how to describe it exactly but although I will always care about his welfare as a human and I feel sad that he's the way he is because he was never loved by his parents,  I really don't feel any need to protect him or manage his bad character and behavior. This is truly a miracle because he constantly destroys our finances, our property and anything else he can to upset me and hold me back from being happy and independent. Self- care is absolutely critical for you right now.  I stayed in a hotel this past weekend to treat myself to some R&R and peace of mind and when I returned home, the house was in disarray, mold in the coffee pot, dirty dishes from 3 days, clothes everywhere and I immediately began cleaning up and didn't resent doing it.  I think I finally reached a point where I found comfort in knowing that doing the right thing and being a responsible mature adult was just a good part of my character and that I wasn't going to compromise it by living with resentment and frustration because of my husband's childish, ugly, evil behaviors. He is responsible for his own character and while I realize that he lacks a conscience and doesn't care what he does to hurt anyone, it doesn't matter to me anymore. He is what he is.  Count your blessings and focus on how fortunate you are to be able to build a new life now and be glad that you are the person you are.  Would you consider other employment?  Perhaps a different opportunity will come at some point when you're ready and able.  I was talking to a man last night, a subcontractor for our company that was in the same type of marriage with a woman who had BPD and he told me that it took all of 5 years after they split up to heal from the emotional and financial damage.  Everyone heals at different rates but because he told me that, I don't feel so uncertain and lost and afraid.  I feel like I have some sort of framework to work within and that I'll escape this emotional limbo once and for all.