Am I making excuse to break nc?

[merlin4926]

Have been nc for couple weeks after final bust up. I do miss him but feeling much better in myself.  At the beginning of the year he asked me to pawn some gold for him as he didn't feel well enough to do it himself.  The money is due to be paid on Monday and he can't get the gold out as the pawn slip is in my name.  I don't know what to do.

A lot of my friends say it's not my problem and they are probably right but I do feel bad? I'm scared to get in touch with him but on the other hand I don't want him to have yet another reason to hate me and I know the gold is important to him.

[Trog]

If its important to him why hasn't he contacted you?

[merlin4926]

He's so chaotic I doubt he remembers that it's due out. He was and I guess still is drinking and using drugs a lot.

[Trog]

He's so chaotic I doubt he remembers that it's due out. He was and I guess still is drinking and using drugs a lot.

Well, this may seem harsh, but you're not his caretaker and picking up the slack is enabling, if you're not together, I would 1005 focus on you and not go out of your way to do anything for him.

[merlin4926]

I guess yr right. He won't have the money to get it out anyway and He wanted to pawn it so I guess it is down to him if he loses it. Thanks trog

[Infared]

I agree with what has been said. Let him get in touch with you. It's his problem. You already helped him out by pawning his gold for him. Be careful... .he may have played this game before.  If he does contact you, maintain NC by having him give the sum to a mutual person, you pick up the item with that money and return gold thru mutual acquaintance.  

You can take care of you, facilitate the problem and do the right thing for you (and you are actually doing the right thing for him, too).  

Do your best not to be tricked or guilted into being his enabler. He may want or expect you to pick up the item for him with your money. Don't play his game. Just keep the focus on you and taking care of you. Be careful and good luck.

[merlin4926]

I realise that if I remind home about the gold he won't be able to afford to get it out so I can see where it would head. It's not my problem and so what if he blames me! Thanks guys it really helps to have people just give me the extra resolve I need!

[christoff522]

Have been nc for couple weeks after final bust up. I do miss him but feeling much better in myself.  At the beginning of the year he asked me to pawn some gold for him as he didn't feel well enough to do it himself.  The money is due to be paid on Monday and he can't get the gold out as the pawn slip is in my name.  I don't know what to do.

A lot of my friends say it's not my problem and they are probably right but I do feel bad? I'm scared to get in touch with him but on the other hand I don't want him to have yet another reason to hate me and I know the gold is important to him.

What is your gut saying? Could you do it without getting drawn back in? If it's important it needs to get dealt with for YOUR peace of mind. If it's over let it be over, but get this done or it's going to be a source of guilt and shame and something he can use to get at you. Sort it out, make sure you have a friend or family with you at all times.

[freedom33]

I agree with the earlier person who said it is not your role to caretake or think ahead for his needs. This kind of mentality is what I think brought many of us in such a difficult position with them in the first place. I would advise you to not do anything unless he comes back and specifically asks for it.

[merlin4926]

I ended up ringing him (quite surprised he hasn't changed his number) I told him about the gold and that i arranged for the pawn shop to keep it for another week. He didn't thank me but was polite. He told me i had really messed his head up I said I never intended to do that but I was also very hurt and had to put myself before him. I said I hoped things work out for him and I don't hate him. That was it. I feel ok. Didn't feel like he hated me but certainly doesn't care.  At least I know he's as ok as he ever can be.  Anyway just wanted to share with you guys

[OutOfEgypt]

What Trog said is right on.  This is a great example of caretaking and being a rescuer to a person who is a perpetual victim.  This is part of the drama triangle.  You play into it by seeing him as a victim and always being there to rescue him.  He is no victim.  He allows himself to remain "chaotic" because he always finds someone who will come wipe his rear end for him, and they help him remain unchanged.  In truth, does he really need a reason to hate you?  You can't let that control you any longer.  You could so much as breathe in the wrong direction and he would find a reason to blame and hate you for that.  That is how they are.  If he is truly interested in solving *his own* problems, he would know how to find you if he needed to.  Absolve yourself of any remaining guilt to be his caretaker, and write yourself a Declaration of Independence.  It isn't your job.  Period.