My exBPD still watches my Youtube Videos?

[Mr Hollande]

It was a rough ride. I'm only one of many here. As are you.

You ask a a very good question and it's made me consider things. No I wouldn't use those words to a friend but the sentiment would be the same with a few additions. As I am the closest person to me I afford myself sterner words. They come from care and self preservation, not self loathing.

[freedom33]

This tone of language you used is similar to the one I used to use Hollande.

I have recently found out that it is positive reinforcement what works best and negative reinforcement should be only be extended when there is an important issue and in a productive (i.e. that gives one options to make things right) and not in a stern harsh way that sentences one in a guilt hole. Positive reinforcement instills a sense of optimism and empowers one to proactively deal with the issues at hand. When I was growing up there was noly negative reinforcement in my household. While on one hand if you did something bad there were consequences to pay, if you did something good, it didnt matter. No one noticed. I think being used to negative reinforcement was another hook with the BPD. No good deed was acknowledged by her or even worse left unpunished. On the other and every minor mistake was punished with a pound of flesh.

I have made a promise to myself to take care of myself and treat me as good and as kind as my caretakers failed to treat me (due to ignorance and their own issues). Also with the BPD I have taken parenting lessons that no doubt will prove useful when I find the right woman to have children with. And all my effort will hopefully help to change a bit the intergenerational traumas that was passed down to me whe I am dealing with my children.

[Mr Hollande]

I don't see how owning up to myself for my mistake is a bad thing. I don't believe in caning myself over past mistakes either but f#cking up on a grand scale is hardly a cause for rewards or celebrations.

[Mutt]

I can see what you are saying freedom33. I believe that I had met my ex due to my FOO issues and the lack of boundaries. After having gone through the pain of the break and recognizing the reason why I had enmeshed with her, I chose to be a positive role model for my kids and I would hope that they mirror that.

I could have chosen to keep engaging with my ex but my kids had seen enough of that when we were together and I didn't want to put them through that again. I chose to take a different, healthier path. I chose to put up boundaries and to work towards a goal of becoming indifferent to my exe's behaviors and work on my triggers.

I understand having anger towards our exes, these are painful life experiences. What had hurt me the most was the lack of sympathy and closure from my ex. I was dealing with a confusing disorder and most healthy adults will give you closure. I had to give closure to myself and work through my anger. Anger can be a mask for pain as well.

[Waifed]

They have numerous attachments on the go plus a boyfriend. It's not only your stuff that she is looking at, it's more than likely that after she checks your videos, she peaks at her ex's ex's facebook profile, then she checks and old email from an older flame, then she chats on whatsapp with an acquaintance that might be the replacement of the current supply, then checks a few handsome dudes at tinder, then masturbates with a fantasy of the perfect man and goes to sleep. Don't take it personally, too seriously or feel too special about it. It's part of the disorder package.

I have a feeling my ex would need to have a photographic memory to keep track of all the exes, flings, etc. that she has trouble detaching from

[Algae]

They have numerous attachments on the go plus a boyfriend. It's not only your stuff that she is looking at, it's more than likely that after she checks your videos, she peaks at her ex's ex's facebook profile, then she checks and old email from an older flame, then she chats on whatsapp with an acquaintance that might be the replacement of the current supply, then checks a few handsome dudes at tinder, then masturbates with a fantasy of the perfect man and goes to sleep. Don't take it personally, too seriously or feel too special about it. It's part of the disorder package.

I have a feeling my ex would need to have a photographic memory to keep track of all the exes, flings, etc. that she has trouble detaching from

Same.  My ex has bfs from the past... but ALL of them have hurt her or been abusive or been in prison and lie to her, and she always goes back to them as a backup.

[freedom33]

Same.  My ex has bfs from the past... but ALL of them have hurt her or been abusive or been in prison and lie to her, and she always goes back to them as a backup.

You are one of those 'ALL of them' now. In her mind you have hurt her and abused her, lied to her (have you been in prison too?) and that's how you will be described to the new supply.

[Algae]

Same.  My ex has bfs from the past... but ALL of them have hurt her or been abusive or been in prison and lie to her, and she always goes back to them as a backup.

You are one of those 'ALL of them' now. In her mind you have hurt her and abused her, lied to her (have you been in prison too?) and that's how you will be described to the new supply.

Nope.   Havent been to prison or even commited a crime.  The difference was they were 'bad boys'.  And I was new.  She dated them only for like 6 months at a time but dated me for 4 years becasue I was actually there for her at 3am with my phone in my pillow case if she was depressed... cutting and needed me... so I would come to help and calm her down, when nobody else did.  I also did super cheesy stuff to help her feel normal and accepted and special.  

Like one time for xmas I flew to a different state to go to a concert and have her favorite singer in a band she loves call her personally and talk to her.

And I do think this new replacement is a fake... all because they have nothing in common and she has to fake herself to get him to like her... when she never had to fake herself for me.  And im 100% sure she didnt fake herself because the things she was into were things she did before i even met her.

But now when she meets someone... she copies every hobby they do and music and etc.