Extinction burst. How long?

[meerkat1]

Been 5 days going on 6. How long can these last?

Is this going to go through the weekend? 

I really can't take it much longer. Am a big part of it I was not even at home. About to be home for 3 days

Any advice how to end this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

I'm so sorry this is happening, meerkat1 

What actually happened?

Do you have any way to take care of yourself right now?

Are you being given the silent treatment? Being raged at?

Can you politely escape to a good book, a TV movie or show, an errand or something that gets you out of the house?

Sometimes us just doing something out of the norm--with love and in a friendly manner, but as a self-care action--can change the dynamics of a dysregulation.

What's going on? 

[sweetheart]

Hello meerkat1,

I remember replying on your initial post about being painted black. I said that I thought you might be in for a tough time following involvement from the police. I know when I had occasion to involve the police my dBPDh took a really long time to return to his usual level of functioning. It really was how long was a piece of string each time.

Like rr says try and stay as detached as possible, do not get drawn into any attempts to rehash what happened. Focus on you and the children, could you take them out somewhere, for a movie or something ?

I know I used to have to force myself to be normal and do normal things whilst my husband was returning from a serious dysregulation. Now I no longer have to force myself, I just go about my business knowing eventually he will be alright. I read in a book somewhere that even if you have to act ok at first it will get easier overtime.

All that said,staying detached amidst a sea of negativity and being overwhelmed by it is very difficult to manage.   

[DreamFlyer99]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Meerkat1, I know how hard it is. If only our partner could mark a date on the calendar for us--"I will be back to my kind self today." Right? 

For me one of the hardest but best things for me to do is something both sweetheart and Rapt Reader touched on: being your own self and taking care of your own self ANYWAY. Even in the face of the burst. Not being drawn in, but instead finding a way to still do something fun by taking the kids out to a movie or somewhere, or even getting yourself a massage.

It takes serious self-control to not let myself be drawn into the storm.

What are you dealing with at the moment?