Had a tough day

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm visiting the folks this weekend and got on the old PC. I found pictures of my BPDEX. I looked through them, and then deleted. Had to. But seeing them just reminded me of that person I was attracted to. There always seemed to be a sweetness about her face. Friends tell me she was a 5 or 6, but to me goddamn she was a dime. When she was nice, she was amazing.

Anyway, at work today, a song comes on the radio and I think of times we slow-danced. How she'd smile, how it would always end up with a really long hug. I nearly cried.

I'm missing her, and reminiscing about the nice moments. I know that she's gone. I know that when I was with her, it was just fleeting bliss followed by hurt. But today I particularly felt bad because I'm sort of coming face to face with my own faults in the relationship.

I miss her and today was difficult. I want to be over her already.

Don't really know why I'm posting it here. Just been a tough day and felt I needed to tell SOMEONE.

[Vatz]

I'm visiting the folks this weekend and got on the old PC. I found pictures of my BPDEX. I looked through them, and then deleted. Had to. But seeing them just reminded me of that person I was attracted to. There always seemed to be a sweetness about her face. Friends tell me she was a 5 or 6, but to me goddamn she was a dime. When she was nice, she was amazing.

Anyway, at work today, a song comes on the radio and I think of times we slow-danced. How she'd smile, how it would always end up with a really long hug. I nearly cried.

I'm missing her, and reminiscing about the nice moments. I know that she's gone. I know that when I was with her, it was just fleeting bliss followed by hurt. But today I particularly felt bad because I'm sort of coming face to face with my own faults in the relationship.

I miss her and today was difficult. I want to be over her already.

Don't really know why I'm posting it here. Just been a tough day and felt I needed to tell SOMEONE.

[Loveofhislife]

Well, isn't it awesome that there is always "someone" here?  Today for me it was songs on the radio--every lyric sounds like it's from the narrative of my r/s.  Then I come home to watch TV--full of movies that he and watched together.  I needed to restore my I-Phone after an update, and guess what came up on the I-Cloud?  Lots of pictures and texts I thought had long ago been erased.  Constant reminders.  Don't laugh, but when I was 32, I got chicken pox from my older daughter.  That's really old to contract chicken pox, and I was miserable.  It lasted for weeks.  My brother sent me Scott Peck's book, "Further Along the Road Less Traveled," and the author kept talking about walking through the desert.  That's where I think we are my friend:  the hottest, most desolate, most arid part of the desert.  We must keep walking forward.  Look for streams in that desert.  Today, it was a giggle with my adult son; a phone conversation with a best girl friend, and a phone call with my brother.  A lot of time has been spent writing on this board.  Whatever it takes, we will get through this.  I have been missing him SO much today--it was all I could do not to call or to text or to drive by.  I did reach out to his exw just to be ignored completely which made me feel even worse.  So I'll stick with NC and gear up for the walk through the desert tomorrow.  Soon, we both will reach an oasis.

[Tibbles]

Some days are just tougher than others. For me this week has been tough too. My Mum is here visiting and the kids and Mum and I are all playing cards, laughing having a great time and in the back of my mind I am thinking: Their Dad should be here too. Enjoying his kids, laughing, being part of the family. It sucks that he isn't, that he cannot relate to his own kids or me any more. We all used to play cards when the kids were little. We taught them 500, all sorts of games. It was a fun Sunday afternoon thing to do as a family.

I know that he is gone. That I am is trigger and so are the kids and that peace and joy of being together will never come again, but I miss that so much. Just got to keep going. Trusting we will all find our way through it all.

[Deeno02]

Just having random horrid thoughts of her and the other guy and how quickly i was forgotten. Started talking to him the day after she dumped me. Im shattered and broken. Im not sure why she moved on that quick, but its killing me. Im just so lost.

[Loveofhislife]

Deeno02:  Please keep posting here and reading the resources.  This is an incredible family. Maybe start a new post with a specific question--for instance, I can't fathom why my exbfBPD just suddenly walked out on me.  Why do they do that?  It's crazy making, and by not having closure, we tend to obsess and have trouble letting go.  Please let us know how you're doing.