BPDer's never cease to amaze me.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Today was my birthday... .  On Thursday, 2 days ago, my exBPD emailed me some seemingly heart felt stuff... What am I doing for birthday (she knew), I miss talking to you, I want to have a one on one talk with you, I have things to say. I will always love you... yada yada yada...

Today, on my actual birthday. Nada. No text, no email, no nothing.

I can only speculate what happened between Thursday and today. Split me black due to my response to her email? (i never said love back) Split whomever the new supply is back to white after having him split black on Thursday? Trying to hurt me so I will chase her or react? Don't know.

Part of me hurts, it does, unfortunately. Part of me marvels at the lack of common decency or games she's playing

The worst part is now I am back to analyzing her, she's drilled back in my head like a virus.

Damn her

[tim_tom]

Today was my birthday... .  On Thursday, 2 days ago, my exBPD emailed me some seemingly heart felt stuff... What am I doing for birthday (she knew), I miss talking to you, I want to have a one on one talk with you, I have things to say. I will always love you... yada yada yada...

Today, on my actual birthday. Nada. No text, no email, no nothing.

I can only speculate what happened between Thursday and today. Split me black due to my response to her email? (i never said love back) Split whomever the new supply is back to white after having him split black on Thursday? Trying to hurt me so I will chase her or react? Don't know.

Part of me hurts, it does, unfortunately. Part of me marvels at the lack of common decency or games she's playing

The worst part is now I am back to analyzing her, she's drilled back in my head like a virus.

Damn her

[blissful_camper]

Happy Birthday, tim_tom! 

I know it hurts.  What would you have done had she contacted you today? 

[tim_tom]

Happy Birthday, tim_tom! 

I know it hurts.  What would you have done had she contacted you today? 

Thanks!

I'd just say thank you

[RR4U]

Happy birthday. Hope you still were able to have a good day...

[Loveofhislife]

Happy birthday to one of our most prolific and insightful posters!  Thanks so much for your sharing--compared to how she once was; you know she is "messing" with you.  It's what I should have paid attention to before getting dumped on my head weeks later.  Did we say this or not say that?  Was it our tone?  Did we wait too long to respond; did we respond too quickly?  It's just not how healthy people communicate.  And I'm talking to myself here!

[tim_tom]

Happy birthday. Hope you still were able to have a good day...

ehh... it was the day I was supposed to have.

I am not really surprised.

And tbh, the act of not sending a note means she's more attached then if she had sent one... .So I win!

[kc sunshine]

Happy bday timtom!  

[tim_tom]

Happy birthday to one of our most prolific and insightful posters!  Thanks so much for your sharing--compared to how she once was; you know she is "messing" with you.  It's what I should have paid attention to before getting dumped on my head weeks later.  Did we say this or not say that?  Was it our tone?  Did we wait too long to respond; did we respond too quickly?  It's just not how healthy people communicate.  And I'm talking to myself here!

Thank you!

Yep, it's dysfunctional thinking on her part. Trying to hurt me. Seeing if I would react. Mad at me... w/e... she's playing a game that I am not playing anymore.

I win!

[tim_tom]

Happy bday timtom!  

Thank you my friend! How did day 1 of phone block go?

[myself]

If birthdays seem too intimate to her, that could have scared her off. If she would have just kept it on the surface, without true friendliness or feeling, it wouldn't really mean anything. I add my happy birthday to you! Same day as a friend of mine, who has been through a lot of stuff in his life and is still going, doing better, so I wish the same for you. My ex, who said I was the love of her life, only shared one really good birthday of mine with me. And only one of hers, too. The first ones. After that, she always broke us up right before them, went silent/destructive, etc. She couldn't take being close like that. Which seems to be a pattern with BPD. Once they're gone/it's over, expect even less, unless they're fishing, which, you're better off without it.

[tim_tom]

If birthdays seem too intimate to her, that could have scared her off. If she would have just kept it on the surface, without true friendliness or feeling, it wouldn't really mean anything. I add my happy birthday to you! Same day as a friend of mine, who has been through a lot of stuff in his life and is still going, doing better, so I wish the same for you. My ex, who said I was the love of her life, only shared one really good birthday of mine with me. And only one of hers, too. The first ones. After that, she always broke us up right before them, went silent/destructive, etc. She couldn't take being close like that. Which seems to be a pattern with BPD. Once they're gone/it's over, expect even less, unless they're fishing, which, you're better off without it.

Well, she asked me what I was doing for my bday on Thursday.

A simple Happy bday text is easy, takes no time and is not intimate. In fact it's the opposite

And thank you for the birthday wishes!

[toomanytears]

Happy birthday tim_tom!   Hope you're going to do something fun today - with other people - and if not - hang around here with friends  

Birthdays can be very difficult, esp after long time relationships. When mine came around 9 months after my BPDh (31 years married) left, I thought I was managing fine until I got home from work and found a card from him had arrived through the post. It hooked me right back and within seconds I was in pieces sobbing on the floor. It totally did my head in for a week. I sent it back torn into shreds together with the silver pencil he'd given me the year before. Childish I know. I should have just binned it. No doubt my reaction only served to prove to the OW how mad I was.

'You've got to wash that man right out of your hair' my mum's boyfriend sang to me down the phone the other day... .

If only it were that easy... .we've got two grown up children who love their dad for all his faults... I'm stuck with him for a long time yet... .

[tim_tom]

Happy birthday tim_tom!   Hope you're going to do something fun today - with other people - and if not - hang around here with friends  

Birthdays can be very difficult, esp after long time relationships. When mine came around 9 months after my BPDh (31 years married) left, I thought I was managing fine until I got home from work and found a card from him had arrived through the post. It hooked me right back and within seconds I was in pieces sobbing on the floor. It totally did my head in for a week. I sent it back torn into shreds together with the silver pencil he'd given me the year before. Childish I know. I should have just binned it. No doubt my reaction only served to prove to the OW how mad I was.

'You've got to wash that man right out of your hair' my mum's boyfriend sang to me down the phone the other day... .

If only it were that easy... .we've got two grown up children who love their dad for all his faults... I'm stuck with him for a long time yet... .

Thank you for the birthday wishes. I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling. So sad, the turmoil they cause

[Mutt]

tim_tom,

It's bad timing that she contacted you a couple of days before your birtyday. I'm sorry that it hurts. She's putting out her feelers.

She may have replied if you responded. Then again she may not have, she's just checking.

Take it for what it is. She's checking. Happy Birthday  

[tim_tom]

tim_tom,

It's bad timing that she contacted you a couple of days before your birtyday. I'm sorry that it hurts. She's putting out her feelers.

She may have replied if you responded. Then again she may not have, she's just checking.

Take it for what it is. She's checking. Happy Birthday  

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

I responded and we had a pleasant chat, she was the last to respond. I don't hate her anymore, I know she is a wounded soul just trying to find happiness. It's true, she does so indiscriminately and without concern for others, but such is her nature.

[tim_tom]

... so the day after my birthday I get a text saying how does it feel to be 40.  She's in her late 20's ... amusing

[BlackandBlue]

happy birthday Tim Tom. I can say that my birthday back in June was the worst one of my life (im not a big birthday person any, but it still sucked). I spent it alone moving and cleaning out the apartment I got for us. She did absolutely nothing to help. Also, I got no birthday wish or anything from her. A month earlier when we still on speaking terms, for her birthday i got her a $100 gift card to a fancy hair salon, a book she needed for school, and took her out to eat. Just sad to be forgotten on mine.

[Mutt]

I can say this from my experience.

She would make me feel guilt on my birthday and say that I'm selfish i.e. I took the day off one year.  Never heard the end of it year after year on my birthday.

She would also make me feel guilt on hers for not doing enough. Not giving enough attention.

I dreaded either birthdays because it was drama. Lose-lose.

She was jealous because it was my day. I look after her 364 days of the year. I want a day off

Perhaps that's why yours went radio silent tim_tom. As you say without concerns for others. It's about her.

[uncrx]

Happy birthday timtom!

You're right, she is playing games trying to provoke a response or reaction. These games are based on her knowledge of you and how you probably responded or reacted in the past.

Your best response or reaction is no response or indifference. This confuses and infuriates them because they feel they no longer control and own you.

You have the right attitude ... .you win!

[tim_tom]

Happy birthday timtom!

You're right, she is playing games trying to provoke a response or reaction. These games are based on her knowledge of you and how you probably responded or reacted in the past.

Your best response or reaction is no response or indifference. This confuses and infuriates them because they feel they no longer control and own you.

You have the right attitude ... .you win!

yes... I responded with indifference, it's what I feel. Then she asked how my weekend was and told me about the wonderful plans she has this afternoon. So I just responded, it was good, enjoy!...

and that was that...

I thought of ignoring her, but then I figured it would make her think she bothered me, and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. So I guess I did play her game a bit... oh well

and thank you for the birthday wishes

[fred6]

Happy birthday timtom!

You're right, she is playing games trying to provoke a response or reaction. These games are based on her knowledge of you and how you probably responded or reacted in the past.

Your best response or reaction is no response or indifference. This confuses and infuriates them because they feel they no longer control and own you.

You have the right attitude ... .you win!

yes... I responded with indifference, it's what I feel. Then she asked how my weekend was and told me about the wonderful plans she has this afternoon. So I just responded, it was good, enjoy!...

and that was that...

I thought of ignoring her, but then I figured it would make her think she bothered me, and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. So I guess I did play her game a bit... oh well

and thank you for the birthday wishes

That reminds me. My exgf's birthday is on Nov. 1st. I wonder how I should handle that? Send a text, FB message, mail a card? Remain NC? I doubt she even gives a damn whether she hears from me or not? I don't even know why I care.

[tim_tom]

That reminds me. My exgf's birthday is on Nov. 1st. I wonder how I should handle that? Send a text, FB message, mail a card? Remain NC? I doubt she even gives a damn whether she hears from me or not? I don't even know why I care.

Well, depending on how long post breakup, I think common decency requires at least a text. Doing what she did is completely wrong. Particularly given the email she sent the other day essentially begging me to be part of her life

[freedom33]

Happy belated birthday TT! I wish that she doesn't contact me at all for my birthday in 3 months from now. I have the feeling that I will be at a better place by then.

[tim_tom]

Happy belated birthday TT! I wish that she doesn't contact me at all for my birthday in 3 months from now. I have the feeling that I will be at a better place by then.

Thank you !

Well, I would've taken a happy birthday text over a gushy email on Thursday, an FU on my birthday and then a devaluation the day after (your old text)

[Bak86]

Happy birthday indeed!

I don't think my ex even remembers my birthday.

[Caredverymuch]

Today was my birthday... .  On Thursday, 2 days ago, my exBPD emailed me some seemingly heart felt stuff... What am I doing for birthday (she knew), I miss talking to you, I want to have a one on one talk with you, I have things to say. I will always love you... yada yada yada...

Today, on my actual birthday. Nada. No text, no email, no nothing.

I can only speculate what happened between Thursday and today. Split me black due to my response to her email? (i never said love back) Split whomever the new supply is back to white after having him split black on Thursday? Trying to hurt me so I will chase her or react? Don't know.

Part of me hurts, it does, unfortunately. Part of me marvels at the lack of common decency or games she's playing

The worst part is now I am back to analyzing her, she's drilled back in my head like a virus.

Damn her

Happy Belated Bday Tim_Tom!  

We have had several discussion threads here on the subject of birthdays.  It's interested and not at all unusual that bdays trigger pBPD's. They generally do something to make their partners bday upsetting. After all, your bday is not about her.

I love bdays. I think it's a wonderful reminder of the special day you were born. Every year, your bday is the day that belongs to only YOU! I hope your bday was wonderful and warm.  

I made my expBPD bday so special. I didn't do it for credit. I just knew he loved bdays too ( mirroring bk then) and he baited me into believing no one ever made a big deal of his bday ( lies, manipulations). I believe this all. I had no reason not to.

I wont go into great detail but let's just say that his bday was an adventure of the heart from start to finish. Full of endearing little things that he could not believe I remembered he told me he loved.

When he split me, he threw away the beautiful cards I wrote to him. Which in itself were gifts from my heart and so highly personnel.

The gift I gave him I later saw was broken. It was a pc of jewelry. He said he dropped it or something crazy that really could never have happened.  He just left it there where I could clearly see it broken, kind of amidst some random other things in his car.  I searched high and low for that gift as it was unique and had very poignant meaning to him.

I think the "big" gift I had given was also dumped somewhere. I ordered this very unique musical instrument and had it costumed for him. I never, ever saw it after he opened it.

He went on to ruin my bdays for the following 2 yrs I was with him.  On my first bday I "shared" with him, he initiated a fight, when I reacted he manipulated w a suicide attempt/OD. My bday was spend concerned, frantic, and in torment of worry. About him.

The day later, when I saw him.  He was "all better", but not a thing about my bday. Not even a card.

I love cards.

The following year on my bday, I had been split black for months.  It was a significant bday. Many, like many here have for you, said happy bday to me. Mere acquaintances acknowledged me that day.

I really wanted to hear from him.  I was sure I might. Even a text. It was my bday. I wanted to hear from the man I loved so very much.

Nothing.

So, I say this to you. On this BPD forum.

 Celebrate the gift which you are.  You are a gift. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise  

[Loveofhislife]

Happy Belated Bday Tim_Tom!  

I love bdays. I think it's a wonderful reminder of the special day you were born. Every year, your bday is the day that belongs to only YOU! I hope your bday was wonderful and warm... .So, I say this to you. On this BPD forum.

Celebrate the gift which you are.  You are a gift. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise  

And therein lies a gift for us all: ourselves; celebrated on the day of our birth. Thank you caredverynuch

[Waifed]

Happy birthday. Hope you still were able to have a good day...

ehh... it was the day I was supposed to have.

I am not really surprised.

And tbh, the act of not sending a note means she's more attached then if she had sent one... .So I win!

Exactly... .It's a control thing. You can get the control back on her birthday  happy birthday!

[fred6]

That reminds me. My exgf's birthday is on Nov. 1st. I wonder how I should handle that? Send a text, FB message, mail a card? Remain NC? I doubt she even gives a damn whether she hears from me or not? I don't even know why I care.

Well, depending on how long post breakup, I think common decency requires at least a text. Doing what she did is completely wrong. Particularly given the email she sent the other day essentially begging me to be part of her life

Well it's been 8 days NC. Well not exactly NC, on the 2nd or 3rd day I sent an "I love you!" text and liked some of her 6yo daughters cheer leading photos that she posted on FB. It will be around 40 days since I moved out when her birthday rolls around. I guess that I'll have to evaluate the situation then and get you guys advice when November 1 rolls around. Like I said though, she probably doesn't want anything to do with me, so it probably doesn't matter anyhow.

[tim_tom]

Well it's been 8 days NC. Well not exactly NC, on the 2nd or 3rd day I sent an "I love you!" text and liked some of her 6yo daughters cheer leading photos that she posted on FB. It will be around 40 days since I moved out when her birthday rolls around. I guess that I'll have to evaluate the situation then and get you guys advice when November 1 rolls around. Like I said though, she probably doesn't want anything to do with me, so it probably doesn't matter anyhow.

imo, you do it for yourself. Do it cause it's decent, and right and don't worry about how she receives it