Anyone have a theory on why most BPD's are attractive?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Thanks for sharing your story Goldy. I can see some similarities with my story too. I broke up with my gf on month 3 as her abuse would also push me away. Went LC for a month. Decided to give it another go. Stayed with her for another four months which she'd do things to push me away and I did go away again. Broke up and stayed NC this time for a good month. All these times she would come back asking for another chance - We decided to give it another final and this time proper go.

I already by that time knew about BPD and applying SET techniques and things were actually going better. She introduced me to her parents and things impoved. I think she felt more secure after having met them and that in her mind we have made some sort of official commitment to each other. She 'd still do hurtful things to push me away though. Not the extent and the scale that she 'd do them at the start. Perhaps also having set some clear boundaries had put things in perspective in her mind.

But by this point I had lost faith and stamina in trying so I am sad to say this but I just gave up on her in the end and left her alltogether by the time we hit month 14. The reintermittend abuse didn't make me come closer to her - quite the opposite - this is why I broke up with her so many times. But until I realised that it was BPD I was obsessed in trying to understand what the hell was going on. I have never been in a rs w a pwBPD before so for me this sort of stuff was just unheard. How can someone love you on one moment and behave this way the next? Wasn't that confusing for you? How did you explain it particularly before knowing what BPD push/pull was all about?

[freedom33]

Thanks for sharing your story Goldy. I can see some similarities with my story too. I broke up with my gf on month 3 as her abuse would also push me away. Went LC for a month. Decided to give it another go. Stayed with her for another four months which she'd do things to push me away and I did go away again. Broke up and stayed NC this time for a good month. All these times she would come back asking for another chance - We decided to give it another final and this time proper go.

I already by that time knew about BPD and applying SET techniques and things were actually going better. She introduced me to her parents and things impoved. I think she felt more secure after having met them and that in her mind we have made some sort of official commitment to each other. She 'd still do hurtful things to push me away though. Not the extent and the scale that she 'd do them at the start. Perhaps also having set some clear boundaries had put things in perspective in her mind.

But by this point I had lost faith and stamina in trying so I am sad to say this but I just gave up on her in the end and left her alltogether by the time we hit month 14. The reintermittend abuse didn't make me come closer to her - quite the opposite - this is why I broke up with her so many times. But until I realised that it was BPD I was obsessed in trying to understand what the hell was going on. I have never been in a rs w a pwBPD before so for me this sort of stuff was just unheard. How can someone love you on one moment and behave this way the next? Wasn't that confusing for you? How did you explain it particularly before knowing what BPD push/pull was all about?