Poll: Why do we not care that they have had sex with others?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

These posts help so much. My SO BP gets mad at me when I am feeling hurt by him having been with someone 2 weeks after he wanted to marry me and I WAS "THE ONLY WOMAN" for him. The kicker is (well, there are a bunch), is that I would laugh at his exaggerations of how much he loved me, marry me marry me over and over again... .I am not stupid. Those are lines! BUT after he fell in love IN 2 WEEKS with someone who was nothing like anyone he would have ever spoken to no less loved, THOSE ridiculous lines haunted me. They hurt so badly like betrayal. How does that happen? Scary. And yes, he was like my most compatible sex partner. So crazy how they can shift and be that for all of their partners. I guess that is evidence of what they mean when a person with BP doesn't have a self. A core self. They can identity change.

[whiteswanred]

These posts help so much. My SO BP gets mad at me when I am feeling hurt by him having been with someone 2 weeks after he wanted to marry me and I WAS "THE ONLY WOMAN" for him. The kicker is (well, there are a bunch), is that I would laugh at his exaggerations of how much he loved me, marry me marry me over and over again... .I am not stupid. Those are lines! BUT after he fell in love IN 2 WEEKS with someone who was nothing like anyone he would have ever spoken to no less loved, THOSE ridiculous lines haunted me. They hurt so badly like betrayal. How does that happen? Scary. And yes, he was like my most compatible sex partner. So crazy how they can shift and be that for all of their partners. I guess that is evidence of what they mean when a person with BP doesn't have a self. A core self. They can identity change.

[Blimblam]

To be honest I would have done the open relationship thing with my ex IF she didn't devalue me and was respectful.

In the beginning I got the vibe from her she was a bird to free to be kept in a cage and I talked to her about it a lot but she kept insisting she could handle a monogamous relationship I think because she was afraid if losing me.

[AlonelyOne]

To be honest I would have done the open relationship thing with my ex IF she didn't devalue me and was respectful.

I did the open relationship thing. And I was able to handle her having other partners. She even moved one into the family home.

What hurt, wasn't sharing her. It was the raw neglect, the control, the expressing how her actions hurt and just receiving glares or being immediately attacked for how horrible I was. How horrible I was for persistently demanding from her. (Now mind you, many times all I was asking for was a kiss good night or a kiss as I left for work. And during periods, these would be refused.)

I just read this in another thread and was like WOW. That totally makes sense.

"A borderline never " ends" a r/s.  They leave for another.  They do none of the in between work of honest communication and appropriate closure.  They never "end" a r/s and they will never leave a r/s unless they have already begun a new r/s. And have a safe place to land. "

[Blimblam]

To be honest I would have done the open relationship thing with my ex IF she didn't devalue me and was respectful.

I did the open relationship thing. And I was able to handle her having other partners. She even moved one into the family home.

What hurt, wasn't sharing her. It was the raw neglect, the control, the expressing how her actions hurt and just receiving glares or being immediately attacked for how horrible I was. How horrible I was for persistently demanding from her. (Now mind you, many times all I was asking for was a kiss good night or a kiss as I left for work. And during periods, these would be refused.)

I just read this in another thread and was like WOW. That totally makes sense.

"A borderline never " ends" a r/s.  They leave for another.  They do none of the in between work of honest communication and appropriate closure.  They never "end" a r/s and they will never leave a r/s unless they have already begun a new r/s. And have a safe place to land. "

It all comes down to trust and open communication.  She kept thinking i was trying to control her and eventually I was.  I even tried communicAting to her about it but no she needed a bad guy.

In the begining when my head was more clear i realized we needed another person in the relationship to make it work.

Maybe one day if I find the right woman we can add her as a third party to the relationship.