Contacting exBPDbf ex girlfriend crazy idea?

[Climbmountains91]

I know this might sound a bit messed up but for a while now I've been thinking of contacting exBPDbf ex girlfriend.

From what i know about there relationship and what I've been told they were happy, met in college, exBPDbf first love, they used to play war craft all day long together, never seen without eachother, they lived together for three years, madly in love, but on the third year she cheated on him, sent naughty photos to a guy she met on a game, they met up, did things and few months later exBPDbf found out and BOOM! She was kicked out and she moved in with her new lover. Apparently during the last year of the relationship she was severely depressed, she used to sleep all day and when he went to bed she would wake up because she could not stand the sight of him or being in the same room, she would cry, he controlled her, he was possessed with her, she wanted out, maybe that was her only escape and despite the horrible thing she did i actually feel for her, she lost her mum that year aswell.

But the point is I've been thinking of contacting her, maybe to get answers, insight on what he was like? If all fails maybe i could get a friend out of her atleast as i'm new in this city and need more girly friends. Who am i kidding, i'm so stupid and deluded even thinking this, bit of a kick in the nuts making friends with an ex partners girlfriend. Maybe it would open a new can of worms and them two would rekindle and get back together (shes split up with lover boy now) ! as i know exBPD is still madly in love with her, that would be my worst nightmare. Me and exBPDbf are in no contact by the way (nearly three weeks now).

I was going to contact her via Facebook "Hi ... .You don't know me and i don't know you but i know one thing we have in common, we have both been with ... .I want to know what he was like with you because i feel as though we've been through the same crisis with him. Sorry if this seems like i'm intruding but its been on my mind and i just need to know. hes never been very truthful with me about things and i thought you may give me some insight and confirmation on how he treated you in the past, again sorry if this seems a bit weird and sorry to bother you. i hope your ok."

Maybe I enjoy this detective work, always trying to figure him out, when my energy should be fixing myself but thats where i'm at, at the moment, right now i don't think i want to fix myself, i'm not ready, i just need some validation.

[Rifka]

I know this might sound a bit messed up but for a while now I've been thinking of contacting exBPDbf ex girlfriend.

From what i know about there relationship and what I've been told they were happy, met in college, exBPDbf first love, they used to play war craft all day long together, never seen without eachother, they lived together for three years, madly in love, but on the third year she cheated on him, sent naughty photos to a guy she met on a game, they met up, did things and few months later exBPDbf found out and BOOM! She was kicked out and she moved in with her new lover. Apparently during the last year of the relationship she was severely depressed, she used to sleep all day and when he went to bed she would wake up because she could not stand the sight of him or being in the same room, she would cry, he controlled her, he was possessed with her, she wanted out, maybe that was her only escape and despite the horrible thing she did i actually feel for her, she lost her mum that year aswell.

But the point is I've been thinking of contacting her, maybe to get answers, insight on what he was like? If all fails maybe i could get a friend out of her atleast as i'm new in this city and need more girly friends. Who am i kidding, i'm so stupid and deluded even thinking this, bit of a kick in the nuts making friends with an ex partners girlfriend. Maybe it would open a new can of worms and them two would rekindle and get back together (shes split up with lover boy now) ! as i know exBPD is still madly in love with her, that would be my worst nightmare. Me and exBPDbf are in no contact by the way (nearly three weeks now).

I was going to contact her via Facebook "Hi ... .You don't know me and i don't know you but i know one thing we have in common, we have both been with ... .I want to know what he was like with you because i feel as though we've been through the same crisis with him. Sorry if this seems like i'm intruding but its been on my mind and i just need to know. hes never been very truthful with me about things and i thought you may give me some insight and confirmation on how he treated you in the past, again sorry if this seems a bit weird and sorry to bother you. i hope your ok."

Maybe I enjoy this detective work, always trying to figure him out, when my energy should be fixing myself but thats where i'm at, at the moment, right now i don't think i want to fix myself, i'm not ready, i just need some validation.

During my 2nd b/u & recycle with my dBPDexbf I decided to get in touch with wife 1 and wife 2 after being told what b___es and every other derogatory name you could think of. They both ruined his life, he cried the blues all of the time!

Wife 1 contacted me immediately, we had a 6 hour conversation on Mother's Day eve and have been the best of friends since that day. We still speak for hours many times a week. I love her! She lived with his abuse for 9 years. Her last night with him consisted of a gun to her head and a knife to her throat! He said he left because she hit him!

I tend to believe her, she still has a restraining order on him ten years later and thousands of miles away.

Wife 2 also gave me an earful, but freaked out and didn't want to bring back those thoughts.



If you are going back with your ex, I can understand needing to know everything, if they will talk to you.

If you are not going back, then my advise would be to move forward and try to forget these bad memories of your ex and replace them with a healthy good ones of you and one day somebody else.

Rifka

[Mutt]

I don't think that there's a right or wrong here. I wasn't friends with my exes first bf that she had a kid with, my SD. At the time I didn't know about BPD and believed her distortions. I didn't want to get involved.

The suggestion of BPD came from a family member after the breakup. I had a real hard time accepting my wife was mentally ill. I had joined the boards when I messaged his long term girlfriend on FB. I consider her now a very close friend.

We shared stories and it cemented the fact for me that my exes behaviors had been going on for a very long time.

It's one thing to see someone's relationship from the outside. There's more than meets the eye. It can be an entirely different story behind closed doors. I think you'll see a pattern Climbmountains91 if they're willing to talk to you.

In my case because SD is 15, the truth came out about my exe. She was treating them absolutely horrible for over 10 years. We've become emotional support for each other. Her ex had been split black for many many years. The same trials I'm facing now. My heart went out to them, they had no clue they were dealing with a mental illness and suffered for many years.

Contacting them put my mind at ease, I came closer to acceptance and was able to put many if the pieces of the puzzle together. A person I married was sick since adolescence. They may or may not open their door, if this person is disordered and they're open you'll see patterns. Some people just want to forget things and move on.