As far as BPD goes, how extreme is this?

[Depression = 72% of members]

 All indications point to my daughter's mother being a highly functional BPD but i'm curious as to how extreme her behavior has been at least within the realm of this illness and how any of your experiences compare. Here's a brief narrative of her life the last 6 years:

* Married at 18 and hand two kids back to back

*When those kids are still in diapers she meets me and tells me she's got this big bad abusive husband that she's about to divorce. I stupidly stupidly believe her and start dating her which ends up with her getting pregnant shortly thereafter.

*We moved in togther shortly after she gave birth. Almost immediatley i was sujbect to physical and emotional abuse whenever she would get angry. I chalked this up to "oh it must be some post-baby stress, it'll get better". Stupid Stupid.

*I caught her sending flity messages to guys on facebook. I confronted her about it and she said she was just lonely being in the house with 3 small kids everyday.

*When my daughter was 6 months old we got into the worst argument yet. I had to call the police. That was a big mistake because she lied to the police about what happened and they arrested us both.  Under normal circumstances i would have been done with her but she has my kid and i had kind of got attached to her other two boys so i didn't break up with her after this.

* a couple of months after that incident there was another huge fight stemming from me wanting to hang out with my friends. I left the house to avoid conflict and she eneded up giving herself a black eye and calling the police to say i did it. I was arrested again and this time had to leave the house because of an order of protection.

*since i'm no longer in the house she starts looking for a replacement and “falls in love” with her friends husband. He was just using her for sex but she continued chasing him for 6 months all the while telling me she wanted to work things out with me.

* After she realizes her friend’s husband wasn’t going to leave his marriage, she again turns her attention to me and I stupidly stupidly forgive her and take her back and a couple of months after that I walk in on her with one of my friends and that she was pretty much screwing anyone that looked her away this entire time.

* I breakup with her for good. She moves away and is engaged within 6 months. That didn’t last long as she ended up getting pregnant by somebody else just a few months after the engagement.

That’s just a brief summary. I’ve left out the Child Protective Services case and suicide threats, which I don’t believe she would have acted on and were just for attention.

This monster is the one taking care of my child on a daily basis. How wonderful.

[clydegriffith]

 All indications point to my daughter's mother being a highly functional BPD but i'm curious as to how extreme her behavior has been at least within the realm of this illness and how any of your experiences compare. Here's a brief narrative of her life the last 6 years:

* Married at 18 and hand two kids back to back

*When those kids are still in diapers she meets me and tells me she's got this big bad abusive husband that she's about to divorce. I stupidly stupidly believe her and start dating her which ends up with her getting pregnant shortly thereafter.

*We moved in togther shortly after she gave birth. Almost immediatley i was sujbect to physical and emotional abuse whenever she would get angry. I chalked this up to "oh it must be some post-baby stress, it'll get better". Stupid Stupid.

*I caught her sending flity messages to guys on facebook. I confronted her about it and she said she was just lonely being in the house with 3 small kids everyday.

*When my daughter was 6 months old we got into the worst argument yet. I had to call the police. That was a big mistake because she lied to the police about what happened and they arrested us both.  Under normal circumstances i would have been done with her but she has my kid and i had kind of got attached to her other two boys so i didn't break up with her after this.

* a couple of months after that incident there was another huge fight stemming from me wanting to hang out with my friends. I left the house to avoid conflict and she eneded up giving herself a black eye and calling the police to say i did it. I was arrested again and this time had to leave the house because of an order of protection.

*since i'm no longer in the house she starts looking for a replacement and “falls in love” with her friends husband. He was just using her for sex but she continued chasing him for 6 months all the while telling me she wanted to work things out with me.

* After she realizes her friend’s husband wasn’t going to leave his marriage, she again turns her attention to me and I stupidly stupidly forgive her and take her back and a couple of months after that I walk in on her with one of my friends and that she was pretty much screwing anyone that looked her away this entire time.

* I breakup with her for good. She moves away and is engaged within 6 months. That didn’t last long as she ended up getting pregnant by somebody else just a few months after the engagement.

That’s just a brief summary. I’ve left out the Child Protective Services case and suicide threats, which I don’t believe she would have acted on and were just for attention.

This monster is the one taking care of my child on a daily basis. How wonderful.

[Blimblam]

Ugh that sounds horrible!

What dominant subtype was she?

Queen/ siren I'm guessing?

[clydegriffith]

Ugh that sounds horrible!

What dominant subtype was she?

Queen/ siren I'm guessing?

Exactly.

While i understand it's common for people with this disorder to use people and jump from partner to partner, i'm trying to get a better understanding if it's common to have children with each replacement. I have two theories on why she's had all these kids with 3 different guys:

1) She thinks having the kids will make everything okay and stabilize her but this always fails because she can't contorl herself

or

2) She can get away with a lot more when children are involved and just ends up using the victim as a babysitter and dormat

Or maybe it starts off as 1 and then turns to 2. However you put it, children should not be brought into this world under those cirucmstances.

[Blimblam]

Ugh I'm sorry you have kids with her that keep you tethered. On the bright side at least it's not a boy! A straight son with a BPD mother is in for a life of BPD women.

Well your theory makes sense as the queen likes to see herself in control and the siren is very out of control yet is in control through the means of sex. 

If she wants stability and subjects kids seems to fit the bill and she is probably confident in her abilities to attract new supply but feels like she could loose them at any moment.

It's a whacky world she lives in.

How have you been doing yourself?

[clydegriffith]

Ugh I'm sorry you have kids with her that keep you tethered. On the bright side at least it's not a boy! A straight son with a BPD mother is in for a life of BPD women.

Well your theory makes sense as the queen likes to see herself in control and the siren is very out of control yet is in control through the means of sex. 

If she wants stability and subjects kids seems to fit the bill and she is probably confident in her abilities to attract new supply but feels like she could loose them at any moment.

It's a whacky world she lives in.

How have you been doing yourself?

I'm doing fairly well now but it took me probably close to a year to feel as good as i do now and maintain it.

I just try to look at the bright side. I've got a good job, my own place, a nice car and date regularly. I also lost the 60 or so pounds i had put on while i was with her so i'm back in pretty good shape again.

Having the child with her can't be undone. I could very easily be living at my parents' have no job or possibly be in jail because of continued false domestic violence claims. The few times i do get bummed i just remind myself of that.

[Pieter2]

Clyde,

Just be happy you are out. This could have gotten so bad and so much worse than what it is now. Sorry to hear about it all. So did she isolate you as well? Mine used to fight with me every single time I wanted to go out with friends.

[clydegriffith]

Clyde,

Just be happy you are out. This could have gotten so bad and so much worse than what it is now. Sorry to hear about it all. So did she isolate you as well? Mine used to fight with me every single time I wanted to go out with friends.

Yes she pretty much isolated me from my family and friends. The couple of times i did go out that one year i lived with her there was always a giant fight about it. She would try to make it seem like she's the only that cares for me and say that my family and friends all hated me and made fun of me behind my back, etc. Now while i know none of that is true, hearing it over and over again starts messing with your mind.