Calling after 9:30 at night? seriously?

[ropend]

I want others opinion.

What time range should my parents be open to phone from my BPD sibling?

how many?

how long?

[coldNheartless]

Hi ropend,

BPD's love to push the envelope, they love to cause a stir (possible wake you up? perfect!) and feel like an insider.

If they can't get through on your phone they will start dialing your Significant Other, make sure she doesn't have it. My BPD mom started calling my fiance after she couldn't get me on the 5th time, and when I answered his phone because it was waking us up at 6am, I said "why are you calling fiances phone at 6am?" Her response "why does he finally have a job now?" That was a really well designed trigger for me, the result of insulting him was NC.

Advice, tell her you have a winding down or reflection/meditation time time before going to bed and you won't take any calls, then turn off your phone (turning it off will make it go right to voicemail... .that way she doesn't even get hopeful waiting through the ringing)... .BPDs just go bonkers when people have self discipline or take care of themselves in a way that the BPD didn't suggest and can't penetrate.

When you wake up and turn on your phone, if she has called a zillion times, wait to call her back. Making her wait till the afternoon or the next day or possibly 2 days will show her that her tactic was ineffective. 

A lot of times they want you to feel like its and emergency, because hey, they might be in crisis, and it's how they entangle you in their little chaos fog. This tactic says "hey, Im busy and I have my own life. Im not getting involved in your mess till you cool down, and Ill call you when the time suits me". It may push her buttons but it may give her time for pause too.

Theres nothing more annoying than the phone ringing late at night, and theres no worse person on the line than a BPD. Godspeed!

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

Does the BPD sister drink?  My sister does this to my dad.  Calls him all times of the night.  CRAZY!

I think anytime after 9:00pm is too late more so if there are young kids in house or parents are in bed early for work, etc.

The very latest I would say is 10:00pm.

My dad always stays up for the news at 11:00pm but my sister would call him at midnight or 1:00am and it was so CRAZY!

Sounds like your parents have to step up on this one.   

[Turkish]

I agree with funfunctional. What do your parents say? Are they asking you to set a boundary which they should be doing?

[ropend]

Hi there,

Does the BPD sister drink?  My sister does this to my dad.  Calls him all times of the night.  CRAZY!

I think anytime after 9:00pm is too late more so if there are young kids in house or parents are in bed early for work, etc.

The very latest I would say is 10:00pm.

My dad always stays up for the news at 11:00pm but my sister would call him at midnight or 1:00am and it was so CRAZY!

Sounds like your parents have to step up on this one.   

I wish she drank in stead of having BPD.

Society knows how to deal with alcoholism much better than a crippling personality disorder.

She just calls at inappropriate times of night and my parents would likely hang up on her if their wasn't a chance of her talking about suicide... .again. 

[funfunctional]

Ropend,

My sister does both.   BPD & drinking  I think many people that are ill cope by self-medicating themselves and drinking.

Well I guess at least she isn't calling you that late.

The suicide stuff really makes it difficult for a parent to turn her away no matter what time she calls.   

Rough situation.

Take care

[Coral]

Gently, I ask... .aren't telephone calls between your parents and your sub their business.

[funfunctional]

Coral,

I think the point is that we have someone here posting about a sister that is causing a lot of alarm & drama in everyone's life so it really does affect everyone involved.     That being said.   

Ropend may be the "fixer" in the family.  What I mean by this is that some of us approach having a disfunctional upbringing and seeing specific people in it that disrupted the house and CONTINUE onward this air of drama/disfunctionality in the family as "will this ever end?".     So we try to FIX things.   Sometimes we are even deep down ANGRY at what we perceive as this sibling continuing on the pain/disfunction/drama of our family life.   The anger of the childhood transfers to the sibling that is continuing to carry on the issues.   Us fixers, well, we take on more than we need to.    It is difficult to separate ourselves from our immediate families growing up but we really need to sometimes just let these other family members play out their own dramas and fix their own "stuff". 

I suspect Ropends parents have some things to work on with their late night calling kid.  The parents are adults.

I can speak for myself that sometimes we do need to walk away from all the drama and just remove ourselves from it.  Coming from a "resigned fixer" myself... .stepping away and staying out is often the best solution.    People need to learn how to fix their own stuff (including parents).

All good intentions here as we are all just trying to help each other.     

[Coral]

While I won't presume to speak for others, my therapist emphasized ad nauseam to only engage in healthy behaviors with my BPD sob. As a former rescuer, I worked ever so diligently to run interference between her and the rest of my family with only exhaustion as the results.

If we were discussing elder abuse (child, disabled person), I would engage instantly but something the parents could fix, i.e. turn off phone, block #'s, etc., it seems to be rescuing.  If I require that my boundaries be respected, it's prudent that I honor others'.