Bee Girl,
I'll link a couple of the workshops here and sort of walk through it a bit. A lot of people talk about gaslighting myself included and I have been on both sides of the fence on this topic. I think my ex is doing it deliberatly and wonder why she can be like this, how she can be like this, then I see other peoples threads and as I am not emotionally involved I can see how the situation would be threatening for there partner. At times it can feel like you are being twisted and turned and everything is all upside down. Understanding the behaviour, stepping back from it and seeing our role in these situations can help us step out of it.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=92025.0The thing that is hard to understand is from the pwBPD's perspective. The thought processes that are in a mentally ill persons head are different to ours and we are not psychologists or profesionals capable of diagnosing or treating. Often we know so much out of our own desire to understand from
our perspective.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0I think understanding your role in this dynamic is the important part. For me, my role was the person who took all of the bad accusations, it was easier for my exBPDgf to blame me than accept blame herself. It was only when I remembered my BPDex having breakdowns and I linked it all together, when she is held accountable for he actions she cant handle it. She breaksdown, she either projects or rages and when that doesnt work she curls up in a ball and crys. It is healthier for her immediatelly to project or blame others for her situation than to take ownership of her own actions and feel those emotions herself. She has no way to sort through her emotions and process what has happened on a level that you or I do on an every day basis.
It is easier to blame and project and say, he cheated on me, he wasnt available emotionally. Than accept that they were unable to relate to us, there needs were met and ours were irrelivant in the relationship. The lack of empathy is somethign that we have to get our heads around here.
It's hard to understand as it isnt a normal thought process. Step back, have a coffee or cup of tea and know that we have all been there. It isnt a pleasant process your going through at the moment accepting all of that blame. All of those actions however in the real world. Both you and I know that those hurtful things and horrible accusations are not true.
AJJ.
