Did your expwBPD ever try to warn you in their own way?

[christoff522]

Also during early dating she told me she loved being told what to do and loved when I was in control.  This soon changed once we established we were together in a relationship.

Haha YES, she said the same to me!

"I love you, I feel like a little girl under you, I feel dominated, owned"

Exact quote!

[day2day]

I think so. Once when I told her I loved her, she replied, "I don't know how you can say that."

Other times, when I would see her at less than her best, she made references to me being "stuck with her" or asked me if I was sure I "still wanted in."

I also recall the use of the word "overwhelmed."

Was it unsettling? Yes. Did I realize the full magnitude of it until she abruptly dumped me after six years? No!

She used to describe herself as lost and empty. These may have been the most accurate words she ever spoke.

It's only since our R/S ended about 18 months ago that I've discovered the horror show known as BPD. I've discovered that there was lying... .lots of lying... .cheating, manipulation, callousness, and who knows what else. It staggers me still to contemplate the facility with which she behaved this way and how well she concealed it with her charm and her mirroring.

I'm not in direct contact, but I hear from mutual acquaintances and friends that her current bf is experiencing the same charade, only worse. I think both of them are so desperate not to be alone that they manage to somehow look past the fact that there's nothing good going on there. The overall picture I get is that her life is in one miserable freefall right now.

Without learning that there's a clinical disorder called BPD that explains this nightmare of a R/S, I think I would have completely gone off my rocker by now.

To those suffering through the early stages of this kind of R/S collapsing, I can tell you that things do get better, but there are still days... .oh, are there ever still days... .!

[Craydar]

I think so. Once when I told her I loved her, she replied, "I don't know how you can say that."

Other times, when I would see her at less than her best, she made references to me being "stuck with her" or asked me if I was sure I "still wanted in."

I also recall the use of the word "

She used to describe herself as lost and empty. These may have been the most accurate words she ever spoke.

Did we date the same woman? It seems as if they're reading off the same script 

[no_ordinary]

mine told me, within first few days of our relationship, that her friend told her that she's going to hurt me... .

after she cheated on me (but still didn't admit it) she repeated that warning from her girlfriend again. ("i ve just spoken with ... .and she told me that i'm going to hurt you and that you should leave me"... .

i was already in love and haven't had a clue about BPD thing and her crazy unstable patterns... .  :/

it's been 5 months after our last sex (she cheated on my replacement with me () ), and it's hard as hell, i miss her, but i'm not going to contact her ever again... .

[Seriously?]

Mine always said "I have to have things a certain kind of way. " when I tried to clarify what he meant, he would tell me not to worry, things between us are that certain kind of way. I suppose until they weren't anymore. To him, I think he could detach so quickly because he will only stay while things are how he wants them and he is getting his needs met.  In a sense, he warned me without giving specifics,  that he'd be gone once he felt any discomfort.

[Earthbayne]

Should have believed her when she said she was a commitment phobe. And that applied to many walks of her life.

Should have believed one of her friends at a New Year's Eve party when he warned her to stop "hanging out" with men and take me seriously, because I seemed like a good man.

Should have believed her when she said she wasn't good enough for me on some days.

I should have believed the   

[Ex-Dreamboy]

Pretty early on (six to eight weeks max, with both of us fairly recently having come out of 14-year relationships), she was putting the pressure on heavy for us to be totally exclusive. Since she was the first person on OkC I had felt any romantic connection with, I of course wanted to be with her, but also felt wary of committing to a relationship with, essentially, the first girl who came along after my divorce. Especially because she had told me, no more than a month after our first date, that she had been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder because of the voices in her head. I wasn't too concerned with "dating a crazy person" (I have long realized I prefer the company of weirdos), but I was worried about the rate at which she was becoming infatuated with me, attached to me, obsessed with me, because as much as I was genuinely interested, I was still in the mindset of "now that you're finally healing from your divorce, get out there and date and see what's out there; don't just settle for Miss Right Now... .you'll probably just end up breaking her heart."

Well, she didn't like this attitude much (how dare I presume to be capable of breaking HER heart?), but accepted the logic of it. And soon began the half-jokes about me being her "karmic punishment"—meaning that, for the first time in at least a long while, she was in the position of having to win someone else's heart, instead of vice versa!

Although she meant a little something more, as it turned out. A little over three months in, in a lengthy but genuinely sweet email explaining to me how much it would hurt her if I wouldn't go exclusive, she said this:

"I’ve broken up friendships, ruined families, caused rifts in future marriages, etc. Maybe I don’t deserve to be treated any better than I’ve treated people in the past. I don’t, I suppose. It’s a long story why I would think I could even ask this of you, but I have my crazy, mystical reasons and I haven’t treated you too shabbily, so ask I do."

I reread this recently during a grieving session, and it was pretty chilling, even in my "I miss her" mindset... .

[SpringInMyStep]

She warned me in lots of ways... .unfortunately I didn't listen.

She kept alluding to if I knew all the things about her, I'd leave.

She'd say things like "I don't know why you're with me" and "I don't deserve you".

If she did something she knew I wouldn't approve of, she would immediately become the victim, averting her eyes in shame, knowing I'd become supportive and empathetic and console her.

Oh so many more I can't remember... .

[SlyQQ]

Yes its part of there guilt washing processs made all the more attractive by the risk which many are drawn to it not only gives them a buzz but lets them walk away an say i told you so then drop you completely