Can someone help dissect this conversation please?

[Climbmountains91]

Can someone please help me dissect this conversation please in BPD language or should i just see it for what it is? Is it even truth?  because his friend tells me completely different. Actually sick of hearing all this exBPDbf says then hearing his friend tell me how black his painted my name behind my back. Its like school kids in a playground he said, she said and I'm piggy in the middle. !

I tell exBPDbf that were not compatible, he asks why do i think that, i tell him we don't share the same interests, our personalities are to different. I tell him the only thing we have in common is our daughter then he goes through the list of what he's got me into. Bring me the horizon, converse, nivarna, alcohol ! Then he says

"I know what your saying, there are some things that when i yap on about stuff i know your not interested at all, i don't blame you, no ones interested (he has Aspergers as well so he has certain interests he goes on about, its always the same things but i don't mind to be honest).

Bpd: i don't know where that leave us , how long have you thought that?

Me - for a while, i don't know what to think/how to feel anymore. One minute you push me away, next min you pull me back in its just a constant cycle

Bpd : i pushed you away this week because of last saturday

Me: yeah but you've pushed me away in the past and I'm growing tired of it. One day your going to push me away that i just wont be bothered anymore.

Bpd: my plan with all this, i had some feelings and stuff is to see where things go, that was my idea anyway. I felt like it was going ok until last week but that was last week.

Me: so what was you on about on the phone earlier about you wanna take stuff further

(BPD completely changes the subject for a while to something on Tv)

Bpd: i was looking forward to you coming over tonight, honestly.

Me: i don't think you know how you feel most of the time to be honest

Bpd: in what way?

Me: we've always broken up in the past, all the push and pulls and i explained to him BPD

BPD: i don't know why, do you know how much it hurts because i look at you and you ___ing beautiful in every way and i guess thats why that song touches me so much "Bring me the Horizon, Can You Feel My Heart". "Im scared to get close & i hate being alone".

BPD: why! I ___ing love you you know. I really want it to work. Im getting there you know, I've enjoyed us spending time together lately. I do feel like this is a new page.

Then he asks what new things can he learn about BPD. I tell him about it and tell him to research it.

I told him when he told me he had it i researched it every night only because i wanted to know the best way to support him. What other woman would do that.

Bpd: this is why I'm so gobsmacked by you because theres no other woman like you, no woman, not since a long time ago anyway theres been woman like that, that wait on a f@#$< like me.

I tell him again (now i look back on this conversation and wish i handled it better and don't know why i kept saying this but i said again) I just don't know what to do.

BPD : i hear ya, i hear ya!

Me: Do i let you go, do i let you get on with it or do i be patient?

BPD: its hard, all of them are hard let me guess?

Me: its hard either way.

Bpd: its ___ street every way. Why do you think i feel guilty everyday, honestly, i feel guilty everyday for you, i feel bad. I have a lot of feelings towards you, that i do know, more than before anyway. That isn't right though is it, when we've spent the night together and in the morning I've wanted to be alone, I'm like it even when my friends come round when there asleep in my living room i want them to go. I shouldn't be like that in the morning, that isn't me, that is not normal. Why do i want to be alone. Why do i get that in my head. Its stupid in every way because i f@##€?€ hate being alone.

I asked him at the end of the night by what he meant on the phone again about taking stuff further he said to get back where we were at before last saturday thats all he meant, hang out more and stuff.

This conversation does come across a bit, "aggressive" but the conversation wasn't spoken in that way !

[Mutt]

Hi Climbmountains91,

I went through your message a few times to make sure and I'm quite surprised. I say this because members from time to time will post snippets of conversations with clear projection etc. There could be prior context with your message I'm not sure. It's the self awareness and his attempt at articulating his feelings from the perspective of how BPD feels that I haven't seen here yet. It's not to say a prior Advisor hasn't encountered another message like this.

I don't detect projection or emotional blackmail. He sounds truthful. He's communicating quite clearly to me anyway that he has feelings of emptiness. You're triggering a little bit with talking to him about BPD and I'm not sure if I would delve that far. This is a part of his personality and a serious mental illness. His belief system distorted whereas yours is not. That said, you're talking to him with sound mind and he can't filter that. I would use communication tools like SET. He sounds self aware.

What's your objective?

[Climbmountains91]

Hi Climbmountains91,

I went through your message a few times to make sure and I'm quite surprised. I say this because members from time to time will post snippets of conversations with clear projection etc. There could be prior context with your message I'm not sure. It's the self awareness and his attempt at articulating his feelings from the perspective of how BPD feels that I haven't seen here yet. It's not to say a prior Advisor hasn't encountered another message like this.

I don't detect projection or emotional blackmail. He sounds truthful. He's communicating quite clearly to me anyway that he has feelings of emptiness. You're triggering a little bit with talking to him about BPD and I'm not sure if I would delve that far. This is a part of his personality and a serious mental illness. His belief system distorted whereas yours is not. That said, you're talking to him with sound mind and he can't filter that. I would use communication tools like SET. He sounds self aware.

What's your objective?

I seen a lot of truth in what he was saying. He's quite aware his mentality ill, he knows his got depression, anxiety issues, he has a diagnoses of Aspergers. He knows his diagnoses of BPD though hasn't read up much of it, that's why i told him a bit more about it to try and help him but i know of known its pointless because he has no filter and its a deadly area to cross, i just wan to help him, its so frustrating. This illness would be a lot easier if you could see inside there minds. I will try SET and get practicing, thanks.

[Mutt]

Hi Climbmountains91,

Aspergers, anxiety, depression, BPD.

He's got a lot on his plate. This is stuff that's hard to deal with. Go easy on him. I know it's frustrating because you care.

--Mutt

[Climbmountains91]

I have BPD, AS and anxiety, aswell to being the mother of his child, difference is Ive decided to get help and being accepted for a year of psychotherapy. I know he has so much more potential than this, i never try and push him but at times i just think he needs that push but thats a no go area.

Sorry im not ranting at you, its just frustration of it all.

[Mutt]

You can empathize and I didn't take it as you ranting at me. No apologies needed. These are your feelings. It's frustrating and I'm sorry. I hope he comes to this realization as well.