The dreaded best friend visit. I'm mortified because she was "on"...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

... .during our visit here for an afternoon last summer. The Eureka moment for me. This is when I first noticed vendictive type behavior aimed directly at me in the form of flirtatious behavior. I knew what was happening at the time and I ate it. My friend since childhood was unquestionably embarrassed for me without knowing much at all of any of the additional outlandish facts.

My friend is happily married and doesn't fall for crap but knows it when he sees it.

Nevermind the fact that for the entire (I'm so grateful for all of you and for these boards - truly thank you) time she chose to ride in the back seat of the car murmuring and devaluing me the entire 3 hour drive, when we finally arrived, she was in full game face and actually seeking attention from my best friend of 30 plus years. He knows we split and that it's done and agreed to not get into that encounter. He was able to see clearly the Krazy in her and was likely thinking the truth about her and wondering why his lifelong friend was even involved with this "person."

It was gut wrenching and embarrassing then and nearly as difficult to agree to not discuss the wisdom of my choices and that we all learn from our mistakes.

If is a big word. Miss her? Yes. Love her? Forever and always. I know she is sick. If she wasn't naturally compelled to devalue and cheat I would fight to win her back. Even after the physical violence - because I know she's sick. I know I'm sick to; sick and sadistic.

I can still love her just only from a distance.

We are not allowed to contact by order.

[Sandman1881]

... .during our visit here for an afternoon last summer. The Eureka moment for me. This is when I first noticed vendictive type behavior aimed directly at me in the form of flirtatious behavior. I knew what was happening at the time and I ate it. My friend since childhood was unquestionably embarrassed for me without knowing much at all of any of the additional outlandish facts.

My friend is happily married and doesn't fall for crap but knows it when he sees it.

Nevermind the fact that for the entire (I'm so grateful for all of you and for these boards - truly thank you) time she chose to ride in the back seat of the car murmuring and devaluing me the entire 3 hour drive, when we finally arrived, she was in full game face and actually seeking attention from my best friend of 30 plus years. He knows we split and that it's done and agreed to not get into that encounter. He was able to see clearly the Krazy in her and was likely thinking the truth about her and wondering why his lifelong friend was even involved with this "person."

It was gut wrenching and embarrassing then and nearly as difficult to agree to not discuss the wisdom of my choices and that we all learn from our mistakes.

If is a big word. Miss her? Yes. Love her? Forever and always. I know she is sick. If she wasn't naturally compelled to devalue and cheat I would fight to win her back. Even after the physical violence - because I know she's sick. I know I'm sick to; sick and sadistic.

I can still love her just only from a distance.

We are not allowed to contact by order.

[Mutt]

Sandman1881,

She put an order on you? How did this happen? What compels you to her when she doesn't devalue?

[Sandman1881]

Sandman1881,

She put an order on you? How did this happen? What compels you to her when she doesn't devalue?

I had to have her arrested for assult following our last light together  in "her" (our) apartment. The OP is against her. She also tried to smother me after I fell asleep. I woke up to her standing over me with both hands over my mouth and nose pressing firmly down.

It's the power of Christ that compels me. The no contact order will be in effect for life, so there is truly no hope of any further contact. I can not be recycled or any longer used to triangulate. That was happening and I only realized it after being out a bit. I'm in my second month out. What's sad is I can't be used or manipulated or lied to and cheated on any longer and it sucks. The withdrawal is not easy, but she has me replaced so I'm sure she's fine. But i was an excellent servent and I know she's not thrilled with the replacement. Let's just say I know she's not. I'm completely black because of the charges and the OP. Never to be painted white again. A truly tragic love story. Separated for life. I can'tmake this stuff up. It's so.hard to get over this and just move on. But I realize it for the best and my safety.

[Mutt]

Hi Sandman1881,

I'm sorry. You went through a lot. Are you seeing a T or P?

[Sandman1881]

At least now I realize the truth and I'm free. That is as free as I choose to be.

I can admit that yes, in fact, I fell infatuated with, and spent 14 months of my life in the nest of a psychopath.

I'll never forget that primal stare or the genuine hatred and distain she had/has for me. But the difference was this time, by the time she came back down from that place I was gone.

No contact ever again. Run. Run so fast and far away from these people and never, ever even spend one more minute fanticising about the love in that relationship because there was none. It was all a lie and a living nightmare.

It's time for me to give what I gave to that thing to myself.