Hello, caregiver &
I think that her silence is "tag, you're it", performing acts - cold shoulder - and in the past I would have reciprocated with my cold shoulder, and therefore "I am "it", and then go and try to tag her. I have changed; now I call continue to call her every 4 or 5 hours and leave a message so she knows that I love her and that I am the same with or without her cold shoulder.
What does anyone think about this? What do you suggest that I do or do not do?
I think you are doing the right thing, actually
In our relationships with our loved ones--BPD or not, really--when things are complicated and stressful and hurtful, we can't change them in any way. We
can however, change ourselves and the way we deal with them... .and when we do that, they in turn will react
differently to
us, oftentimes making things better. You've taken a first step by extricating yourself from the tangle of hurting each other, distancing yourself from your own hurt feelings and detaching from the conflict. That's good
In order to continue learning about your wife's disorder, gaining a better understanding of how her mind works and what you can do to communicate and deal with her better, I suggest you check out every one of the
links to the right-hand side of this page, paying special attention to
Tools: Communication, Validation, and reinforcement of good behavior so you can continue to put a plan in place to see if you can make the relationship better.
You are in the right place, caregiver, for the support and insights you are looking for. Keep reading all you can, and telling us your story and asking your questions... .We want to help
