Empathy Deficits

[BuildingFromScratch]

This is really hard for me to admit. But even as a little kid, in many scenarios I've had empathy deficits and shame instead of empathy. I assume most people have some in certain scenarios... .but me? I hit my little cousin in the head with a baseball bat on accident and stood there in shame instead of being concerned with him. I pushed a little girl off the swing on accident and stood there in shame. This shame infects everything. I'm capable of empathy, when I'm calm (rare) and have intent and purpose. But generally speaking, it's a world in which I don't have access to. It makes me feel like a bad person. I'm not generally sadistic or anything. I just feel aloof and have nearly constant anxiety and a lot of shame. Can anyone relate on some level?

[Blimblam]

I had moments in my youth I was too angry to have empathy or was too consumed by shame.  Even sometimes still I am too consumed by my own emotional state to have a lot of empathy. I am still discovering deficits of empathy I have because of beliefs on how things are aippoced to be.

Sometimes the lack of empathy is becuase we are focusing our energy elsewhere. Basically we are distracted by a belief or our own trama.  

One thing I realize is I tend to have more empathy than most people I encounter.  Most of the time I see it is because they are stuck on some belief system to avoid experiencing their inner truama.

Then their are just people that are on the psychopathic spectrum who I feel are in thier own distinct class. But really I feel it is the same underlying emotions that creates a true lack of empathy, those being contempt and smugness.

[BuildingFromScratch]

Well, to make a sociopath, I would agree. But me, I don't have contempt or smugness, although I have in the past. Mainly to compensate for my ridiculously low self esteem. But yeah, my main issue is being stuck in a state of emotional disconnect from the world around me... .Mainly due to neurosis and disassociation.