Will they try to monitor our activity on social media?

[PaintedBlack28]

I wanted to ask you guys your opinion on this question: Will our x loved ones try to monitor our activity on social media, at least  from time to time, just out of curiosity? Or as long we are painted black they will remain distant and indifferent?

Thanks 

[captainp]

I'm painted black, and mine is.  Don't know what the average is though.

[Mutt]

I can't predict what someone thinks or doesn't think. I was in a smear campaign. To not give personal information that could be distorted in her campaign, I chose to deactivate social media accounts for several months until things died down.

I did it the old fashioned way. I called people and sent family pictures by email instead of telegraphing it online.

I know of one of her friends were reading my profile ( at least that's what my ex said it could very well be her ) when I angrily mentioned her in a post. It gave her an opportunity to create conflict.

I chose to simply turn everything off to not give her chances when I was trying to heal. The wounds were deep and fresh. Whatever helps you.

[love2give]

Its been 11 months since the breakup with my exBPDg and as much as I would send her countless emails and text in the beginning letting her know how much I loved her she never replied.

Shes had 2 or 3 replacements since then (her looks get her any man she wants) and has never tried to contact me.  Then just this past month I recieved a friend request on FB which was quickly retracted but the name stayed on my cell.

She has a second face book account under her unmistakable Polish name and she must have been looking at my FB page when she accidentally clicked on ADD FRIEND.   So she never has any intention to contact me again (which I should probably thank her for) but she still feels the need to see what im up to.

Been a very trying time since it ended, for my heart at least, but my brain knows its the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

These people are FAKE

[downwhim]

Its been two months NC for me and I decided to sign up for a dating website. I do not recommend this (too early and not healed yet). I quickly got off it when a man, his age, not picture wanted to chat with me. He lives in a small area so I know it was him. I have cut him off of all other contact. So painful still and fresh... .

[misty_red]

I don't know if that really counts... .BUT: we were both in the same sport's team, she left it because she felt being left out respectively that the team didn't try to integrate/involve her anymore (what a big surprise if you stay away from practice for six weeks and no one knows why or where you even are, right?). She told the team that she's through with them and doesn't want to play in it anymore. Still she's in our group-chat and gets to read all the messages we send, also mine (she even showed up at a match to watch it after she discarded the whole team). I don't know why she's doing that. She always hated the group-chat, always said it annoyed her and now she's not part of the team anymore and she's staying in it voluntary. Weird. I don't get it. There's nothing in it for her. But maybe this is her monitoring.

[maxen]

hi PaintedBlack. don't forget, pwBPD are individuals too, and there's no way for anyone, except perhaps you, to predict if your ex will follow you on social media. i have no social media presence so in my case it doesn't matter, but my stbxw de-whatevered all my family members a few months after she bolted. she has acted throughout the divorce as if she can't get away fast enough (she had started something else, so was all set with a new r/s). otoh, many pwBPD will feel the abandonment pain and try to keep their exes within reach.

what about your ex would make you guess one way or the other?

[evilpepsi]

Mine blocked me before we split. We were playing around and then she deactivated fb. After the split, she has reactivated it but still has me blocked. She actually knows every person on her fb with the exception of 2, and I grew up with them. She knows that they are still on there because they have liked pics of her kids that she posted and this woman checks EVERY like. it's pretty funny... .

[Targeted]

Yes!    Mine blocked me from her Facebook but somehow monitors mine!

I got emails months ago when Adding back lost friends she deleted on me.

Yes! 

[evilpepsi]

Yes!    Mine blocked me from her Facebook but somehow monitors mine!

I got emails months ago when Adding back lost friends she deleted on me.

Yes! 

I forgot one thing. I'm pretty sure that she checks it somehow because one of the things that she keeps throwing in my face is the woman that I dated before her. She is an erotica author and a hot blonde whose daughter just also happens to be best friends with narcissist's daughter. Narc boy also tried to hook up with erotica right before he found out about my connectiom. He made sure to tell Amy about this as well.

Last Saturday she wanted to come get more clothes so I told her that it was ok. Before I left, I purposely left my old phone out in plain view. I lined it up with the grain and had it upside down. I also rubbed some of her base on the power button. When I came home the phone had been moved and was turned around. The powder was rubbed off of the power button as well. All of my old texts with the ex before her were still on the phone and she knew that because the texts also contained story ideas for something that we were working on. I'm almost positive that she read the texts.

Bookgirl  and I have talked and she swears that she swears that she has never said anything to her. The ex throws things out like "I know all about you and miss blonde erotica with the fake t!ts " yet refuses to go into detail. The ex is massively insecure and never believed me when I told her that she was beautiful and bookgirl is well, a smoking hot blonde. The ex also used to throw out things like she isn't my type because she isn't "blonde with big t!ts" and when we split it made sense that narcissist may have manipulated the situation with her.

I'm sure that she checks both of our accounts because bookgirl has a very public fb... .

[Faith1520]

Mine did. During one of his text message rages after we broke up he pointed out that I'm on Facebook in the middle of the night and I never would text him in the middle of the night (he works nights) so obviously someone or someone on there is more important than he was. He said that I obviously have happily moved on. (What?) Yes, I was logged in a few times in the middle of the night bc I couldnt sleep with all I was going through. But I have not moved on. He also said I'm a sadistic person for becoming facebook friends with his family member after we had broken up. What actually happened is I friended his aunt many months ago and she just now accepted. So of course he twisted that to fit his need to make himself feel better by making me seem and feel bad. He'd already said all the hateful things to me that he could think of so I think he was just trying to throw anything else out there, even if he had to make it up, that would get to me. And it did. And I wanted to respond, and defend myself and tell him it wasn't true... .but I didn't say a word. I didn't want to let myself get caught up in his crazy making behavior as I always did during the relationship.

He was always sort of stalkerish about ppl on his Facebook friends list. What they were up to. I know many of us are, to a degree, but he seemed even more so. Maybe that made him feel less lonely or like a better person in some way. Anyways, I should've known he would have been checking up on me. After all of that I unfriended him. We still have a lot of mutual friends so I'm careful about what I post. Next step would be blocking him.

[.cup.car]

Will they try to monitor our activity on social media?



If they can work a computer, they will.

[Lion Fire]

I never gave her the chance to monitor me.

When I committed to Cold Turkey with NC, I blocked her on my phone, whatsapp, FB, Soundcloud, Skype and viber. I erased all pics from my phone and deleted emails. I tried to block her on email but a couple got through in the beginning. She has several email addresses.I told all mutual friends to no longer relay messages and that I wanted nothing to do with her.

Damn, it was brutal but once I had passed withdrawal I felt empowered and relieved that my healing would not be disturbed by her in any way.

I even surprised myself with my resolve and inner strength 

[parisian]

I blocked mine on social media, but she is stalking my sister's FB instead... .nothing on there to see.

[lipstick]

Hi PaintedBlack28,

I am in agreement with many others who have chimed in on this subject. The answer is YES! I started a thread last week about Facebook. Asking why my ex would be posting about how happy he is and how wonderful life is now. Got some great answers!

Anyway - yes, they will stalk your social media. It's been a little over two years now since I was dumped by my ex. The only attempt at contact on his part was a FB friend request sent to me. Over a year after I was dumped by him. This was in December of 2013. I foolishly waited for some type of communication from him explaining the friend request. It never came. Instead - three days after sending the request - he blocked me. Then he also deactivated a second FB account that he used for a type of "blog".  As far as I know - I've been blocked ever since.

Yet he still checks out my page (after over two years!). I would imagine he uses the secondary account. You can activate and deactivate an account as often as you wish. How do I know he is still stalking me? Mutual friends tell / ask me about his antics on his own page. I've observed how he reacts to things as well. A friend told me that he has recently posted a couple of pictures highlighting items that I purchased for him when we were together. Talking about how they are his "favorites". It surprised me that he kept the items. I had imagined that those things would have been thrown out by his spouse when he returned. No reminders of the OW. But he probably lied about how he got them.

I think since our exes don't process the demise of a relationship (which they caused!)- they try to keep some type of connection to us. And social media is a very convenient way of doing so. My ex is currently LIVING on FB - frantically trying to convince everyone that life is awesome. Somehow - I just don't think that's the case.    

[enlighten me]

My favourite analogy at the moment is how BPDs see us as toys. At first shiny and new and the best toy ever. Then we become boring and old and tatty. We eventually get put in the back of the toy cupboard and forgotton about. Sometimes they will take inventory of their toys and see if they are still there. Occassionally they will want to play with them again. The real fun happens when someone else is playing with their toys.

[Deeno02]

As far as I know, nothing. She doesn't care anymore about me and my kids. I've blocked and deleted everything I could think of to block and delete her from. I still see her user name pop up on a mutual friends Instagram thing when she likes something, but that's it. Otherwise, she's done with me, never to darken my life again.

[evilpepsi]

As far as I know, nothing. She doesn't care anymore about me and my kids. I've blocked and deleted everything I could think of to block and delete her from. I still see her user name pop up on a mutual friends Instagram thing when she likes something, but that's it. Otherwise, she's done with me, never to darken my life again.

apparently she and her narcissist are creeping me on fb because i made a post about narcboy saying that he pops pimples on his butt that are bigger than i am. i said "im 6'5 240. that's not a pimple, that's his boyfriend... ."

i woke up to calls from him Monday morning telling me that he is coming for me. he never showed... .

[.cup.car]

My favourite analogy at the moment is how BPDs see us as toys. At first shiny and new and the best toy ever. Then we become boring and old and tatty. We eventually get put in the back of the toy cupboard and forgotton about. Sometimes they will take inventory of their toys and see if they are still there. Occassionally they will want to play with them again. The real fun happens when someone else is playing with their toys.

Oh man that one stung. Props.

[enlighten me]

Sorry cupcar.

It helped me detatch thinking of it that way.