The problems with rescuing behaviors are many.
Adults cannot be rescued. Children and small animals can be rescued. Adults need support to become independent and truly grown-up. Rescuing tends to foser dependency, which is not healthy or rewarding for adults.
Read the article on the Drama Triangle. You should be able to find it with a quick search.
Yes, rescuing involves control. It involves trying to exert control of others (even if with good intentions). The rescued adult will accept it for a short time, even beg for it, then they will resent your continued rescue efforts b/c people do not like one-up/one-down arrangements. If you rescue, you are putting yourself in a one-up position with another adult. You expect the person to get better based on your rescuing efforts, and to love you and feel grateful for all your rescuing efforts. That almost never happens. These relationships are always unstable b/c the arrangement is unstable and involves dependence (and if the person you are rescuing has BPD their moods will be unstable, too.)
Classic example.
Becoming involved with a person who has serious mental health or addiction issues and trying to 'fix' them b/c you love them so much. As mentioned above, that 'fixing' behavior almost always devolves into controlling behavior as the rescuer becomes frantic to prevent the unwanted behavior of another person and to foster dependency and symbiosis. The focus is on the other person as wounded, when the focus really needs to be on controlling your own behavior and your own life, not someone elses. Both of you need to grow, not stay merged via rescue fantasies.
If we feel healthy enough to "rescue" people, why not find another similarly healthy partner and join forces to help others in a practical way rather than get mired in no-win rescue behaviors that involve dependency? These are different ways to think about rescuing and it's impact.
I know a married couple that travel to Africa 1x a year to help build schools and infastructure for children in that community. This is functional, time limited support and they can do that kind of thing together b/c they have a functional and healthy adult working relationship together that affords them the time and resources to channel their helping instincts into something tangible and sustainable. Rather than spending time and energy into fixing another person so that they will stay with us or love us, we can channel the well intentioned desire to assist others in ways that are supportive, that does not breed resentment and dependency, and is collaborative and sustainable. But it takes working on ourselves to do that, rather than fixing others.
The only thing we have control over is ourself.
I like the support your therapist is giving you. You are a good person. Make the most of it.
