An upside to dealing with BPD

[jedimaster]

I had about an hour and a half phone convo with my son this afternoon, just touching base after the holidays and making sure all was well at his place.  We had a good long talk about all of the ins and outs of dealing with my uBPDw, his mom.  With lots of patience and help from a couple of good T's, he and I are managing to settle our own lives down while letting her do whatever she does.  We both felt like we were in a much better place than a few months ago.

Toward the end of the phone call I told him that I realized if anything good at all can be said to have come out of all of this, it is that I have reconnected with my family and realized that I have some really good friends who have my back if needed.  That is an awesome feeling to have.  A few months ago I felt like I was alone against the world.  I also have my T and a wonderful close-knit support group.

Kind of weird to credit all of this to my wife's BPD, but if not for discovering that it was the underlying situation driving our r/s difficulties, I would likely have continued to withdraw into myself away from friends and family, and continued to cut myself off from things that I enjoy and that are good for me in my fruitless efforts to please her.  I feel so much more whole these days and plan to ensure that continues, no matter what else happens.

Hopefully it's not too Pollyanna-ish to find these good things in this situation, but I really feel like the last 6 months have had a net positive effect on my life... .

... .and it's all her fault.  

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[Rapt Reader]

Hopefully it's not too Pollyanna-ish to find these good things in this situation, but I really feel like the last 6 months have had a net positive effect on my life... .

... .and it's all her fault.  

I don't think that is Pollyanna-ish, jedimaster 

I've found that my adult (37) son's BPD diagnosis (the event that brought me to this site), and the subsequent communication tools and techniques I've learned here, trying to understand and help him better, have changed my life for the better. I think I'm a better human being all around: I listen, commiserate and empathize better... .Not just with him, but with my Husband (who has BPD traits), his Mom (the undiagnosed BPD person who left him with those traits), and my D-I-L (other son's wife) who seems to have those same traits.

My relationships with all of my family members are better, and I've realized my own part in all of the dysfunctions that used to be the norm. I can't expect any of them to be different with me, unless I put in the effort to be different with them. And so I am... .I do believe that the BPD/BPD traits in my family have made me a wiser, more compassionate, more humble human being; realizing my own words and actions that would exacerbate their dysregulations and learning how to mitigate them has made me very aware of my own tendencies.

Like with you, this has all been a net positive in my life