So it's over... forever? or just again?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Sri lanka is ni thist time of year or a camel trek across the rajhastan desert it might fill the time

[SlyQQ]

Sri lanka is ni thist time of year or a camel trek across the rajhastan desert it might fill the time

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[AnnaK]

Sri lanka is ni thist time of year or a

camel trek across the rajhastan desert it might

fill the time

We'll see.

[SlyQQ]

You know very well he wont be able to stand you going off an having a good time w out him an you get to have a good time TOO!

[AnnaK]

You know very well he wont be able to stand you going off an having a good time w out him

an you get to have a good time TOO!

Well, right now "it's over" according to him and i am going through "breakup flu"

If he ends the lease contract as he was going to do, a lot of time will pass until i see him again

I am currently unwilling to go out with anyone, as for good time i have my martial arts and soccer games with friends, i am not feeling deprived in any way

[SlyQQ]

You misunderstand you dont have to feel deprived you are entitled to a good time If you are India you may as well take advantage of it if you can everyone should broaden there horizons it seems something you are good at

[AnnaK]

You misunderstand you dont have to feel deprived you are entitled to a good time

If you are India you may as well take advantage of it if you can everyone should

broaden there horizons it seems something you are good at

I am in Spain, surrounded by friends, and unless there is a recycle AND A FLAT, i will stay here

I cant dedicate a lot of time to rajastan desert, because i work full time. Even in India

[AnnaK]

The problem with it currently is that I know there will be a recycle. And you know.

But I don't know if he knows there will be a recycle

He sounds like "I hate you, it is over forever", and he's been talking like he can't tolerate me for a while.

He is probably intelligent enough to remember and understand that living with his father is not going to end well, but emotionally he painted them white and me black, so he must be in conflict.

Luckily, ending the lease contract and moving out of a flat takes a lot of time, so he will have some time to think.

I did suggest him an option that he keeps the flat (I am paying it), but moves with his father in the meanwhile, but I am not sure if he is going to do it or not.

[SlyQQ]

Its like looking after a spoilt child to some extent but you know this make time for yourself as well they can be so boring after a while 

[AnnaK]

Its like looking after a spoilt child to some extent but you know this

make time for yourself as well they can be so boring after a while

Yeah right. However, right now I still feel more attraction than repulsion.

However, to avoid accusations in taking him out of family that he "loves so much", I decided to withhold any recommendations at this time. He currently painted his father white - he needs some time to face the reality (his father is emotionally unavailable man with problems that remind his own, or perhaps worse - the situation smells of NPD there)

I have thought about our options - the owner of the flat is not going to disintegrate in space, and he has 5 flats in the same building. Some of those will always be empty. There is not much demand.

In fact, we can call the owner any moment and arrange another lease contract.

I have the ticket and the visa and I am going to prepare my trip in other respects so that in case of necessity/recycle, we'll only need to make the living arrangements (we'll see)

==

Currently I need to do a lot of healing from my previous stay, because in India I've been through more things that I could process.

I've been through mental abuse, I had to contain unfolding domestic violence cycle, I've been through his cheating (and I even tried to make arrangements to cheat myself, thankfully I stopped before I could go full way) and I even had an emergency gallbladder removal surgery, which I had to face alone.

The mental processing is still going on, and it needs to be finished before I can take more. It should take several more weeks.

One of my Indian friends once described it like this: "You've seen God". This is exactly the feeling - I've seen too much.

It's not exactly bad, I managed everything, but I still have occasional flashbacks

So right now I pretty much went NC, or almost - I will respond, if he contacts me, but I am not contacting him first nor asking any questions. We seem to be stalking each other in whatsapp though, checking the "last seen" stamp

[Grey Kitty]

The problem with it currently is that I know there will be a recycle. And you know.

But I don't know if he knows there will be a recycle

He sounds like "I hate you, it is over forever", and he's been talking like he can't tolerate me for a while.

You don't know there will be a recycle. You do know that 99.9% likely he will attempt a recycle. Of course he doesn't know this.

It won't be a recycle unless you agree to it as well, just an attempt.

Are you paying for half his flat, or all of his flat? (up to his notification to the landlord)

[AnnaK]

The problem with it currently is that I know there will be a recycle. And you know.

But I don't know if he knows there will be a recycle

He sounds like "I hate you, it is over forever", and he's been talking like he can't tolerate me for a while.

You don't know there will be a recycle. You do know that 99.9% likely he will attempt a recycle. Of course he doesn't know this.

It won't be a recycle unless you agree to it as well, just an attempt.

Are you paying for half his flat, or all of his flat? (up to his notification to the landlord)

Well, yes, I never know if there will be an attempt of recycle. Logic says, the previous 10 times there was a recycle, so it will probably happen again. But there is always that 0.01% of doubt... .maybe this time it's really "forever"?

Also, sure, recycle is mutual thing. I will clarify my intentions when I get out of "breakup flu".

I used to pay all of our/his flat in India, but I gave him money in cash and the contract with landlord is on his name, as well as the technical responsibility for writing checks, ending/restarting lease contract etc. etc.

Nah, I don't have any proof that I gave him cash. It's pretty much oral agreement.

But I thought of it - let him break it, if he wants

It won't be too hard to call the same landlord and make another contract in case of necessity.

He has a lot of stuff to move out of the flat, so maybe closer to the end of the month he'll lose part of his enthusiasm, anyway.

Me, what? All my stuff in India fits in a suitcase and I can live in any place. 

[AnnaK]

All in all, don't worry. I am already calm. Nothing has to be decided this very moment, there is still time.

[Grey Kitty]

I used to pay all of our/his flat in India, but I gave him money in cash and the contract with landlord is on his name, as well as the technical responsibility for writing checks, ending/restarting lease contract etc. etc.

Nah, I don't have any proof that I gave him cash. It's pretty much oral agreement.

How far ahead have you given him cash? Any past the current month?

[AnnaK]

I used to pay all of our/his flat in India, but I gave him money in cash and the contract with landlord is on his name, as well as the technical responsibility for writing checks, ending/restarting lease contract etc. etc.

Nah, I don't have any proof that I gave him cash. It's pretty much oral agreement.

How far ahead have you given him cash? Any past the current month?

Technically, it should have sufficed until January. But seems like he did not pay rent, living off deposit. I am not requesting it back though. I know (and always knew) that it is impossible

[Grey Kitty]

So it paying his rent is kinda done for now.

Do you want to rent another flat in India for your next trip, and give him a place to stay?

[AnnaK]

So it paying his rent is kinda done for now.

Do you want to rent another flat in India for your next trip, and give him a place to stay?

I have not yet decided.

He has a place to stay with his parents. If he really moves out (which is questionable), I will probably  stay in spain for now and give him a chance to  taste full-time living with parents.

I don't know any single adult person though who'd enjoy living with parents, indian or otherwise