Anxiety going out

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well, been a month since I found my wife with my replacement. 

I have been doing pretty good and I am eating and sleeping well which says a lot compared to previous break-ups we have had.  Focused on my self, kids and work.

This weekend I went to the gym as usual... .she goes to a different gym so I feel I am safe there but we live in a small town and I find myself doing shopping and stuff at weird hours to decrease the likely hood of seeing her.  I find myself scanning for her car (I gave to her a few weeks ago) everywhere.  Scared I will run into her.

I have never been this bad before but the last one was devastating and being married to her has increased the stakes.  If I am not at work or the gym... .I stay home.  Its safe there.

It has been NC for a while although she keeps texting me which I delete and ignore at all costs.  There has not been a text in a few days now.

I find myself in a messed up thought pattern of praying she does not contact me and that I never see her to wishing she would contact me!  WTH Is it because I wish I felt like I meant something to her that she too feels pain?  I know the FOG will clear and in time she will not rent any space in my head anymore... .trying to get there.

6 months and I can file for divorce and her kids will be done school, and she will be free to move... .that is if she actually puts the kids schooling before her own selfish wants, we will see.  Her pattern is she does not stay put for long.  Constantly hating everything about her job and where she lives.  Never content.  I know she will move by July 1st.  I just need to get through the next 6 months and she will be gone.  Worried about the next few months though... .this is when she will start to hate the replacement and/or feel guilty about her adulterous relationship which she will project on to him. 

Praying for strength and wisdom over the next 6 months.

[wavelife]

Well, been a month since I found my wife with my replacement. 

I have been doing pretty good and I am eating and sleeping well which says a lot compared to previous break-ups we have had.  Focused on my self, kids and work.

This weekend I went to the gym as usual... .she goes to a different gym so I feel I am safe there but we live in a small town and I find myself doing shopping and stuff at weird hours to decrease the likely hood of seeing her.  I find myself scanning for her car (I gave to her a few weeks ago) everywhere.  Scared I will run into her.

I have never been this bad before but the last one was devastating and being married to her has increased the stakes.  If I am not at work or the gym... .I stay home.  Its safe there.

It has been NC for a while although she keeps texting me which I delete and ignore at all costs.  There has not been a text in a few days now.

I find myself in a messed up thought pattern of praying she does not contact me and that I never see her to wishing she would contact me!  WTH Is it because I wish I felt like I meant something to her that she too feels pain?  I know the FOG will clear and in time she will not rent any space in my head anymore... .trying to get there.

6 months and I can file for divorce and her kids will be done school, and she will be free to move... .that is if she actually puts the kids schooling before her own selfish wants, we will see.  Her pattern is she does not stay put for long.  Constantly hating everything about her job and where she lives.  Never content.  I know she will move by July 1st.  I just need to get through the next 6 months and she will be gone.  Worried about the next few months though... .this is when she will start to hate the replacement and/or feel guilty about her adulterous relationship which she will project on to him. 

Praying for strength and wisdom over the next 6 months.

[cehlers55]

Hang in there. I was just like you. Alternating back and forth about wanting to be wanted by her and wanting to be separate. It gets better. I also scan around for her, luckily I'm in a larger town and run-ins would be less of a chance. She will probably move. I think my ex will move soon too. we just broke up mid-November. Stay strong. It will get better. You have lots of support from me and everyone else on this message board. Stay strong. Treat yourself to something nice, and spend time with any friends you have to shoot the breeze and feel normal.

[rarsweet]

Maybe make a countdown calender like waiting for Christmas.

[wavelife]

hahaha I like the countdown calendar.  I know its only 6 months and it will go by quickly... .a little clearer, more healed, and happier by the day!

Thanks for the words of support.  It feels good just to vent once in a while, and the board provides a lot of support, compassion and valuable information.

[rarsweet]

When I was waiting for my divorce I bought a day dress instead of a wedding dress and had it hanging for 6 months