Need to resist breaking NC

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

For some reason tonight all I want to do is reach out to him. I want to tell him how loved he is. I want to tell him he is missed. I want to tell him to keep trying in therapy because he is worthy of a happy healthy life.

I know he will twist my words to the negative and lash out at me. I know its hopeless. I know he can never truly be a healthy happy partner. But I miss the well him so dearly. I miss him so much every day. I can't even explain the loss and longing. Its been since May and I still miss him.

Someone please talk me off the ledge. I am sitting here drinking wine and crying and rereading our last emails where he is so delusional and no matter what I say he lashes out. Its so hopeless but I miss him so much.

[hope2727]

For some reason tonight all I want to do is reach out to him. I want to tell him how loved he is. I want to tell him he is missed. I want to tell him to keep trying in therapy because he is worthy of a happy healthy life.

I know he will twist my words to the negative and lash out at me. I know its hopeless. I know he can never truly be a healthy happy partner. But I miss the well him so dearly. I miss him so much every day. I can't even explain the loss and longing. Its been since May and I still miss him.

Someone please talk me off the ledge. I am sitting here drinking wine and crying and rereading our last emails where he is so delusional and no matter what I say he lashes out. Its so hopeless but I miss him so much.

[rblrdr]

For some reason tonight all I want to do is reach out to him. I want to tell him how loved he is. I want to tell him he is missed. I want to tell him to keep trying in therapy because he is worthy of a happy healthy life.

I know he will twist my words to the negative and lash out at me. I know its hopeless. I know he can never truly be a healthy happy partner. But I miss the well him so dearly. I miss him so much every day. I can't even explain the loss and longing. Its been since May and I still miss him.

Someone please talk me off the ledge. I am sitting here drinking wine and crying and rereading our last emails where he is so delusional and no matter what I say he lashes out. Its so hopeless but I miss him so much.

It's actually good that you're crying. Let it out. Don't try to rid yourself of the hurt by giving in to it and breaking NC ... .work your way through it. Hang in there !

[ADecadeLost]

I can't even explain the loss and longing.

You don't need to explain the loss/longing to anyone here.  We've all been there and/or still are there (mine seems to strike me at random).

As for contacting him, you know what it will lead to.  Just remind yourself of that and let yourself grieve as it sounds like you are.  It'll get better in due time.  Take care of yourself.

[jhkbuzz]

For some reason tonight all I want to do is reach out to him. I want to tell him how loved he is. I want to tell him he is missed. I want to tell him to keep trying in therapy because he is worthy of a happy healthy life.

I know he will twist my words to the negative and lash out at me. I know its hopeless. I know he can never truly be a healthy happy partner. But I miss the well him so dearly. I miss him so much every day. I can't even explain the loss and longing. Its been since May and I still miss him.

Someone please talk me off the ledge. I am sitting here drinking wine and crying and rereading our last emails where he is so delusional and no matter what I say he lashes out. Its so hopeless but I miss him so much.

I'm going to borrow some of your words... .because I think they're the words that YOU need to hear.


All I want to do is reach out to you. I want to tell you how loved you are. I want to tell you to keep trying, and to consider therapy for yourself - because you are worthy of a happy healthy life.

[PaintedBlack28]

Hope,

You must quit reading emails and focus on the NOW situation, I also have plenty of whatsapp exchanges with my xBPDgf and I no longer abandon myself to this practice because it's unhealthy and dangerous for my well-being.

Stay  no contact. You must understand that all that that you long for: the looks, the love, the tenderness, it was all mirrored back to you. It was you that supplied all that. It's a scheme that is worked upon each and everyone of us, we are victims of a disorder. You must detach, and proceed with the grievance in order to start to heal. I just  found out my x gf is doing threesomes with people she meets in the street. What should I do? Drink myself to death? Go and have a depression? Nope. She is no  longer such a factor in my life. I loved her a lot, don't get me wrong. She was very loved, and is very missed. We were talking about getting married. I thought she was sent from above, and in a certain manner - she was. She was sent to teach me who I am. I grieve every minute, but every minute - one at a time - it's easier. She was not meant to be for me anything more than what she was. It wasn't meant to be. And the same goes for you. That guy wasn't meant to be for you. The time you spent together is over.

You had great  projects of love for him, but it turned out to be that both our ex's are emotionally disabled persons, there's nothing we can do about it. I tried to rescue her. i tried to fix her. To no avail. i even signed-up college, to get a degree in Psychology, become a therapist, and save her. It wont work that way. We must detach, and you (and I) at least have the relief that it wasn't because of us, it was because of the disorder, and this can't be beat.

Stay strong, Hope. Stay NC. For your own sake.            

[Deeno02]

I screwed up and did it after 4 months NC. Posted a comment on her instagram pic of her and the new guy. Said I was glad she was happy and good bye. Got a cold text calling me passive aggresive and dont do it anymore, stuff like that. Dont do it. Leave it be.

[downwhim]

Hope,

I too suggest no reading the emails anymore. I read them the other day myself and I could feel my blood pressure go up, then I just felt sad. A whole day wasted.

If it was suppose to be, he would be chasing you right now. You wouldn't have to make the first move. He would be as he was in the beginning, the wonderful man you fell in love with - kind, loving, supportive and free (as you thought) of a mental illness. Delusional fantasy my friend. You want it how it use to be. You can't step in now as he is working on himself and expect a miracle in the relationship. Didn't you also say he had a replacement?

I am calling you in from the ledge, dust yourself off and start all over again. You do that and if and when he comes back you will be strong and you will take one look at the screaming bandit and run the other way. From what I remember in your posts he was combative and abusive. Weren't you the one that left? Am I right about this? A little bit of therapy does not change the man in a short amount of time. It takes years and you are a trigger for him. Stay away.

Right here right now is where you need to be. What can you do for you? Make a list of ways to treat yourself.  I did, guess what? I am tanning today which I haven't done since the 80's  . The weather is dark, gloomy and depressing here so I think it will help. I have also scheduled a massage for Friday to relax and have human touch which I also miss. (both of these I got on groupon so not expensive but good places I checked out). After or before work, I will go work out for an hour too. All of this takes my mind off of him... .We have got to live in the now and treat ourselves with love.

[hope2727]

Thanks everyone. I would have responded last night but I really hit rock bottom. A friend took me out for a glass of wine and that helped.

Yes you are all right. As for all the follow up questions. I am in therapy and have been for a bit with someone who specializes in BPD. The ex left me not me him. He is in therapy and I think has a replacement. I have no confirmation but I am pretty sure. There is some evidence but I am not really trying to find out in truth. I re-read the old email s for the first time as a part of my therapy. I was not ready. I took out his pictures today with the same goal. Nope not ready. Theoretically I should be able to see the disorder and understand that who I knew wasn't who he is. I should be able to do this and not completely lose my mind. Nope still missing him to much. Plus I've been really sick so that doesn't help.

My work cancelled me today so I am home packing up my skinny clothes. I managed to GAIN weight with this breakup of all the insults. So I am clearing out my drawers.  As I lose the weight I can unpack the clothes and it will be just like getting a whole new wardrobe.

I miss my beloved man. I miss him in ever fiber of my being. I know he is in the right place for him and I am in the right place for me but its is super hard. I am working on detaching and leaving, but I won't lie, I wish everyday for a reunion. I know its impossible but it makes me wish it no less.

I appreciate all your support. I am worthy and deserving of a true love. I still believe in soul mates (cringe). I still believe in growing old together. I still believe in the concepts of in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and for richer or for poorer. This is the difference between him and I. I was in it regardless of sickness, poorer and worse. He was not. He was a fair-weather partner.

I miss him. I love him. I forgive him. I bless him and set him free to his own divine destiny. I just hope we aren't both sitting here sad and mad and stubborn waiting for the other person to call. I don't think thats the case though. I think he has moved on and forgotten all about me. Sigh.

Thank you everyone. your letters give me strength when I am weak.

[Deeno02]

Thanks everyone. I would have responded last night but I really hit rock bottom. A friend took me out for a glass of wine and that helped.

Yes you are all right. As for all the follow up questions. I am in therapy and have been for a bit with someone who specializes in BPD. The ex left me not me him. He is in therapy and I think has a replacement. I have no confirmation but I am pretty sure. There is some evidence but I am not really trying to find out in truth. I re-read the old email s for the first time as a part of my therapy. I was not ready. I took out his pictures today with the same goal. Nope not ready. Theoretically I should be able to see the disorder and understand that who I knew wasn't who he is. I should be able to do this and not completely lose my mind. Nope still missing him to much. Plus I've been really sick so that doesn't help.

My work cancelled me today so I am home packing up my skinny clothes. I managed to GAIN weight with this breakup of all the insults. So I am clearing out my drawers.  As I lose the weight I can unpack the clothes and it will be just like getting a whole new wardrobe.

I miss my beloved man. I miss him in ever fiber of my being. I know he is in the right place for him and I am in the right place for me but its is super hard. I am working on detaching and leaving, but I won't lie, I wish everyday for a reunion. I know its impossible but it makes me wish it no less.

I appreciate all your support. I am worthy and deserving of a true love. I still believe in soul mates (cringe). I still believe in growing old together. I still believe in the concepts of in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and for richer or for poorer. This is the difference between him and I. I was in it regardless of sickness, poorer and worse. He was not. He was a fair-weather partner.

I miss him. I love him. I forgive him. I bless him and set him free to his own divine destiny. I just hope we aren't both sitting here sad and mad and stubborn waiting for the other person to call. I don't think thats the case though. I think he has moved on and forgotten all about me. Sigh.

Thank you everyone. your letters give me strength when I am weak.

I love mine too. But I cant condone the conduct towards me and then my kids. I wouldnt survive another spin with her, I cant. I wont. Hang in there hope...

[ShadowIntheNight]

I miss him. I love him. I forgive him. I bless him and set him free to his own divine destiny. I just hope we aren't both sitting here sad and mad and stubborn waiting for the other person to call. I don't think thats the case though. I think he has moved on and forgotten all about me. Sigh.

Substitute her for him and I'm there with you sister. (I'm a woman too.) Had an hour sob session with my therapist this afternoon. T & I have a long term relat dating back over 20 yrs as I began seeing her then for a totally different issue and have gone back to her for tune ups and for this ex repeating her going back into the closet because she's Hispanic routine the last 5 years. UBPDexgf & I have had virtually no contact since last August, which is contrary to everything about our relationship for its entire 9.5 yrs. And we're not kids either. She's 45, I'm 53. Plus were both professionals, my ex is a therapist, and I'm a retired software designer. When I'm thinking clearly, this whole thing between us is absurd!

I don't think I'm at the forgiveness stage. Kind of hard to forgive someone who cheats on you then gives you the silent treatment because she's gutless. I feel myself wanting to contact her, but the fear of her possibly emotionally abusing me or not even responding to me keeps me from calling or emailing. And that's totally unlike any of our past push/pull dynamics.

[hope2727]

Its really hard and I am sorry for everything everyone here has endured. I really wish I knew if mine really does have a replacement. I am pretty sure he does. But I would hate it if he was sitting there being stubborn and so was I. I really miss him. I really miss our life together.  :'(

[Tim300]

Its really hard and I am sorry for everything everyone here has endured. I really wish I knew if mine really does have a replacement. I am pretty sure he does. But I would hate it if he was sitting there being stubborn and so was I. I really miss him. I really miss our life together.  :'(

I'm sorry that you're going through this. 

Did you not yet see the worst manifestations of BPD?  It seems like you likely haven't gotten yourself into the deeper recycles, where your life, career, and social network will all be put in serious jeopardy.

[hope2727]

I did see. I lost my job. It ruined my degree. I lost my GPA. I lost friends. I have no idea why I am missing him so tonight. This whole week in fact. It has been worse than Christmas week . I was raged at, repeatedly abandoned, had promise after promise broken. So why do I still want this person? I have been working on that in counselling. I didn't for the longest time and now I do again. I think it is because I have seen him at his worst and at his best. I really, really like and love his best him. His smart funny ethical kind loving him. God I miss that him. Sorry folks trying to be strong but it seems like a rough patch.

[Suzn]

I am worthy and deserving of a true love. I still believe in growing old together. I still believe in the concepts of in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and for richer or for poorer.

Hope if we can help you just focus on you for a minute... .look at YOU, you're a catch! Not many people truly feel this way. Relationships are work and it sounds like you are NOT afraid to roll up your sleeves. You are taking care of yourself by reaching out to your group, your friends and seeing your T. You should give yourself a pat on the back for that because all of that is a big deal. Kuddos

When times are hard or when we aren't feeling good we look for comfort. It's normal. You are doing well by reaching out for some extra support right now. I'm sorry things are hard right now, I've been right where you are. It will get better.

And you're right, you deserve more than a fair weather partner. What are you doing in the way of hobbies and or activities that you like? Are you trying new things you might enjoy?

Happy, busy people are attracted to happy, busy people.  

[hope2727]

Suzn

I am working 7 days a week to dig out from the financial ruin the last 2 years have left me in . I am recovering from bronchitis and just trying not to lose my mind at the moment.

I would love to try new things but in truth despite trying to get interested in some things I have no desire. I am so physically and mentally exhausted by the end of my work day that I just want to come home and withdraw. I am struggling to even keep the house in the most basic of shape. I have since the day he left tried to do one thing outside and one thing inside every day. But some days its so exhausting that just washing a dish is all I can manage.

l bought a motorcycle I was fixing up but winter is here in earnest and I can't bear to be out in my freezing garage. Besides I've kind of lost interest in riding it. In truth I don't really enjoy riding motorcycles. Fixing it up was fun at first but I never really liked bikes that much.

I was going to the gym but then stupid bronchitis got me. So that is out for awhile. I don't have many friends around and they all have kids and responsibilities. They have tried to be supportive but they are all busy.  So right now I am just trying to survive.

It sounds pathetic but I really have come a long way. When he first left I couldn't even drag myself out of bed. Now I work 50 hours a week. So it is coming. This just seems to be a really rough patch. Not sure why.

I really would like to tell him how loved and missed he is but I know its hopeless. Its to bad. We were an awesome couple before he derailed. I hope he finds some peace.

[Suzn]

You don't sound pathetic at all, you sound exhausted and not feeling well makes it worse. Of course you are feeling down. Get your rest in my friend. Distracting your thoughts with maybe a movie or a book while in bed may help too. I always reach for fluffy pjs when sickness hits. Anything that feels comforting while it runs it's course. Do take care of you.   

[ShadowIntheNight]

I really empathize with you Hope. It seems overwhelming, doesn't it? In AA they tell you One day at a time, but when it's hard you have to say one hour at a time or even one minute at a time. I find that helps me, but even still if I get thru this night w/o texting or emailing it will be a miracle. I'll hold you in my thoughts.

[jhkbuzz]

I don't think I'm at the forgiveness stage. Kind of hard to forgive someone who cheats on you then gives you the silent treatment because she's gutless.

I'm in the same boat, my friend, and it's shame.  Deep, unrelenting shame.

Truth be told, I'd rather be in the kind of pain I'm in than THAT kind of pain.

[jhkbuzz]

I did see. I lost my job. It ruined my degree. I lost my GPA. I lost friends. I have no idea why I am missing him so tonight. This whole week in fact. It has been worse than Christmas week . I was raged at, repeatedly abandoned, had promise after promise broken. So why do I still want this person? I have been working on that in counselling. I didn't for the longest time and now I do again. I think it is because I have seen him at his worst and at his best. I really, really like and love his best him. His smart funny ethical kind loving him. God I miss that him. Sorry folks trying to be strong but it seems like a rough patch.

From a thread in 2010 from a moderator named PDQuick.  It resonated with me; it might with you as well:

"There is a huge difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance is not knowing any better, and stupidity is knowing better, but doing it anyway. During the time I kept recycling, I had a vague understanding of the entirety of what was going on. I was ignorant on several levels. I didn't know of the complexities of these disorders, and I didn't know that someone else's thinking could be so vastly different than my own.

I felt that people should have basically the same thought processes that I had, and that they would act, and react, in similar ways to those of my own. The absence of these things confused me, and left me wondering, and trying to make sense of those things that I didn't understand. I took words as concrete, and actions as maleable. I chose to see what I wanted to see, because it fit my idea of a good outcome. This leads me into the second thing I wanted to point out.

It is a term that is called "scotoma". The mind sees what it wants to see. I wanted to see that she loved me, and I contorted my view of things to flavor that outcome. I took things that should have been red flags, and colored them rose. I sought out those similarities that we didn't share. I tried to see things as I wanted to see them, rather than what they presented themselves in their innocence to be.

I saw two halves to the person I was bonded to. I viewed one as the true core self, and the other as the conflicted person that needed guidance, love, understanding and patience. I gave of myself to try to fix that disordered side, so that I could have the "good" side all to myself. I never once, while we were together, accepted her as she showed me to be. I always saw what fit me, and wanted to keep that, and then desired to discard the rest. I was ignorant in the dynamics of the disordered, and I was blinded by scotoma.

Seeking knowledge and understanding of these dynamics that happened were paramount to realizing the immortal truth of these things. It was I that recycled more times than not. All the while, I held onto the victims mindset, wishing things could be the way I wanted them to be. I was the gladiator, consistently putting my head in the proverbial lions mouth, and crying foul when the ultimate betrayal happened, only desiring more each time, to tame the lion from instinctively doing what they have shown time, and time again, what they will do."

[CloseToFreedom]

I know the feeling all too well, Hope, and I've been trying to cope with it for the past 6 weeks since our latest break-up, this time its the final one.

I often want to just email or text her that I want her back as well, but its no use, as she has painted me black. Plus each time I tried to make contact she'd be all distant or even angry, she literally says she hates me. And she tells the things I say to her friends, which are my friends as well, so contacting her only ensures the joke's on me.

It is hard to not have contact with the person you always had contact with when you had a hard time. But think about it: was this person really there for you in the hard times? I often had to create an illusion for myself that this was the case, but in truth it wasn't at all. If something didn't go her way, there was hell to pay. If I was suddenly sick, she would hate that and instead of taking care of me, she would start arguments, which I always got the blame for.

Let them move on with their lives. It is hard, I know, I have this uneasy feeling in my body for six weeks and it just wont go away, and its eating at me inside out. But in the end we will get out stronger. Hopefully in time we will start to enjoy the small things that we used to enjoy and then we will slowly start to get better, rebuild ourselves, and eventually be ready for someone else, a new person that will be good to us, will fill our void like we imagined our exes would do. We are worth it, even though its almost impossible to imagine that now.

[PaintedBlack28]

I miss my beloved man. I miss him in ever fiber of my being.

I still believe in soul mates. I still believe in growing old together. I still believe in the concepts of in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and for richer or for poorer.

I miss him. I love him. I forgive him. I bless him and set him free to his own divine destiny.

If only I could have a woman love me like this... .

[Deeno02]

I miss my beloved man. I miss him in ever fiber of my being.

I still believe in soul mates. I still believe in growing old together. I still believe in the concepts of in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and for richer or for poorer.

I miss him. I love him. I forgive him. I bless him and set him free to his own divine destiny.

If only I could have a woman love me like this... .

Yep

[downwhim]

Hope,

It sounds like you are overwhelmed. It does not help that work for you is super busy and your sick. It is tempting to break N/C when times are difficult.

I was left with an unfinished remodel. My kitchen cabinets were ripped apart, painting needed to be done and my bathroom was a shell. We were going to buy a house together when my house was finished. My ex fiancé was handy but for some reason (we all know why) he went from " babe, let me tile that bathroom to, why do I always have to work on your projects, get someone else to dote on you." two months ago I sat down and just balled. How was I going to handle all of this alone? I needed a grip on my finances too.

I dug in. Work was slow for me so I painted by myself, listened to music while I worked and cried. I did as much on my own as I could. I sought the help of my son while on college break. Kitchen is done. I have a contractor for the bathroom on a budget. He shows up now and again and slowly it is getting done. I met with a financial advisor face to face something I have NEVER done before. I have a phobia about facing my financial situation. It turned out better than I thought.

My point is, I did it. I was left, dumped, became unengaged with my house literally in shambles. He f... .ed me over and he loves revenge so I am sure he was happy he left me in a mess. He really could care less. I wanted his love forever, I wanted him to be my support and I his throughout life. I wanted to combine homes/kids/extended family. It was what I wanted not him. I thought we wanted the same things but his mind was not at all in the same place.

Scotoma... .everyday I miss him, my heart still gets that pain when I come across birthday cards from him professing his love. It hurts, it sucks, it is my life now. It is just takes time to heal from all I have read. But honestly, if he was on my doorstep tomorrow begging for me to come back... .well, not so sure I could say no.

"It is a term that is called "scotoma". The mind sees what it wants to see. I wanted to see that she loved me, and I contorted my view of things to flavor that outcome. I took things that should have been red flags, and colored them rose. I sought out those similarities that we didn't share. I tried to see things as I wanted to see them, rather than what they presented themselves in their innocence to be."

Hang in there Hope. You are an intelligent woman and we are all here to support you!

[hope2727]

Thank you everyone. Another day done and I have resisted so far. I am convincing myself to at least make it until I see my therapist on Saturday. I think if I can make it to the weekend I will be ok. Maybe. Its weird how I was doing so much better then "blip" I fell down again. Almost called him on the way home tonight. Called a man friend and he told me what it would be like if I did call. He outlined the projection, the blaming the lack of responsibility I would face. Yuck. One breath at a time tonight.

I shovelled the snow. I am going to get some gas and groceries just as soon as I muster the strength. I may pick up some wine and cheese for the evening.

Its just so weird how sad I am right now. I was doing so much better. I don't get it. Maybe he proposed to his girl. In the last year when I am happy he is sad. So he must be super happy for me to be this sad. yuck. I want to have some happy again. I seriously need some joy.

Oh and for you gentlemen who want some one to love you like I love him. I know they are out there. They come in unexpected packages. I am older, not smoking hot, not rippling fit but I am smart, funny, pretty, make excellent money, love to run and work out, proud of my body despite its scars, I love with all my heart and I am loyal to a fault (as we have seen here). So good women are out there just searching for good men. Oh and we have reg flags (or at least I do).  So here are mine just so you can have a good laugh.

  I believe in soul mates, have an abusive ex-husband and now abusive ex-fiance (both cheated and stalked a bit but much). I have a wacky FOO (one side salt of the earth the other picture children for the DMS descriptions of mental illness). I have lots of male friends and some long standing female ones.  Two of these males friends I dated briefly and stayed friends with. We just weren't right for each other. I've been friends with them for over 10 years. I cry easily, have a temper if pushed to hard, and can be a right bag when tired.  See I told you there were red flags.    But I am honest, faithful, pay my way, kind, caring and sincere. I consider my partner in my decisions. I look forward to the end of every day because I can see him. I can be a tad paranoid as I have been cheated on. You can look in my phone anytime day or night. I expect the same. I don't lock my computer or Facebook so look away. I expect the same. I NEVER have anything to hide. The worst thing I've hidden is new shoes on occasion and considering I paid for them and I earned more money I think I am ok. Oh I hid the occasional surprise party I planned but thats it. Seriously look in  my phone I could care less. I am with who I am with. Period. I don't flirt but I will talk with your male friends. I expect the same from my mate. So don't give up. Have your craydar out but give people a chance. Maybe they are out there with their craydar on too. Maybe we are all just a little raw from our experiences and need a chance to build trust again.

Ok I am so exhausted and I MUST get gas or I won't be getting to work at all tomorrow. Thank you for writing me. I really miss my beloved. I wish someone could call him and tell him to get his head together and come home already. I know its hopeless but if we are both sitting here being stubborn I would hate that. It seems so sad that 2 people who love one another can't make things work out.

[jhkbuzz]

Its just so weird how sad I am right now. I was doing so much better. I don't get it.

I think this is normal... .I've experienced it, I've read about other people experiencing it.  This is the thing you have to remember:  you won't be feeling this level of pain forever.  Maybe not even by next week.  It WILL get better.  You're like a drug addict in withdrawal - RESIST taking the hit!

[hope2727]

Its just so weird how sad I am right now. I was doing so much better. I don't get it.

I think this is normal... .I've experienced it, I've read about other people experiencing it.  This is the thing you have to remember:  you won't be feeling this level of pain forever.  Maybe not even by next week.  It WILL get better.  You're like a drug addict in withdrawal - RESIST taking the hit!

This made me smile. Thank you. Yes he is my kryptonite. I love him. I like him. I miss him. I MUST NOT CONTACT HIM! He is the kryptonite and I cannot resist him.

[Deeno02]

Aw hell Hope, I'm 51 and far from perfect. We all have baggage. Hang in there kiddo. I still get the blues too. Drove past her today, didn't bat an eye, I just kept on going. It will get better...

[jhkbuzz]

Its just so weird how sad I am right now. I was doing so much better. I don't get it.

I think this is normal... .I've experienced it, I've read about other people experiencing it.  This is the thing you have to remember:  you won't be feeling this level of pain forever.  Maybe not even by next week.  It WILL get better.  You're like a drug addict in withdrawal - RESIST taking the hit!

This made me smile. Thank you. Yes he is my kryptonite. I love him. I like him. I miss him. I MUST NOT CONTACT HIM! He is the kryptonite and I cannot resist him.

Be careful of the messages you are choosing to give yourself... .you can also choose to feed your mind different messages.

You know what I think?  I think that, somehow, the way you're feeling has nothing to do with him. I think it actually has everything to do with something deep inside of YOU.  Until you believe that - and start to chip away at that mystery - you will continue to focus on HIM and believe that he somehow can ease the pain you're feeling.  He can't.  YOU hold that key.

[hope2727]

Survived another day. Thank you everyone. One day closer to peace.