Dealing with the Past, trying to live in the present

[rebl.brown]

Hi Friends,

Groan, I have to clean my BPD mother's house out.  My brother handles her estate and care.  I don't have to and I couldn't, even if she had no one else.  Despite years of therapy and work on myself, the memories still freak me out.  I haven't seen her in over a decade.  I am dreading this clean out like the plague.  I've started having nightmares again, every night.  I'm going to have to go to my 12 step group every night till I get through this.  Why can't my emotions embrace what I know to be true.  I did nothing wrong, my mother is mentally ill.  I am safe now and she doesn't have any control over me.  Thanks for listening.

[Harri]

Hi rebl.brown.  I am glad you will have the support of a 12 step group as you clean out your mother's house. 

There are a couple of ways you can deal with this.  One would be to hire someone to clean out her house for you.  Is that an option? 

Another way would be to use this as an opportunity to work on you and your healing.  After my mother died, I was the one to go through her things.  My brother and father could not even think about doing it.  It was not easy, but it did help me tap into the grief, anger, fear, rage, etc.  Yes, the feelings may come back, but if you can, look at this as an opportunity to work through the emotions and things that cause you to still freak out at the memories.  The nightmares are an indication that there is a bit more work to be done.  Depending on how you choose to look at that, it can be a very good thing for you.

Wishing you the best.