Drained

[rollercoaster2323]

This is my first post on this board. After looking at much of the forum it seems like it will be very helpful to me. Just dealing with an ongoing rollercoaster ride that is leaving me quite drained. Within the last 24 hours the mood instability is making me completely drained. Although, the situation I have been experiencing for a couple of years now. I do realize it has been my choice to continue in this craziness. Currently, I am at fault for not providing enough intimacy. However, it is difficult to get close to someone that constantly has mood instability and anger outbursts and uses their mouth to lash out. My supportive family and some friends that know about my situation have helped me to have strength to not stand for a lot of things that I had been putting up with. In the last 2 years I have set down several boundaries that I have stuck to and things have improved. However in the last 6 months it has continued to go downhill, with the more insight and awareness that I gain of my situation.My tolerance level has decreased. The less that I give in and pacify him the worst things have gotten. However, I know intellectually that I cannot and will not continue to pacify him just to make our relationship go smooth. Earlier today he went from saying he wanted to create new memories with me to telling me in 24 hours he's going to decide whether or not to end our relationship. Then he called me this afternoon to tell me he had made a decision to break up. By the end of the conversation he had changed his mind that he wanted to continue to try. I'm just completely drained. Thank you all in advance for any help. I'm very grateful for this site.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

hey, 

Unfortunately, what you have experienced is par for the course when dealing with a person who has BPD.  I've experienced exactly what you have, and have things go from great to horrible to okay to great in such a short amount of time.  And you are right, it is draining.  Extremely draining. 

You have found the right place.  I am glad you have set and stuck with a few boundaries.  That's a tough thing to do, and I struggle with this myself.  I know that continually pacifying them is not the answer.  I've tried, and it worked for awhile until the goalposts kept getting moved farther and farther away until I was exhausted. 

[waverider]

Welcome rollercoaster

Feeling drained and lack of enthusiasm is a stage we all go through, have a look here

Finding inner strength and hope

and see if you can use it to regain some focus.

You may have to find your own silver lining but it will be there somewhere

[rollercoaster2323]

Thank you all.  And I will read up on that link thank you. You are correct the expectations and the bar just keeps going higher and higher in an unrealistic fashion. When I set down some of those boundaries last year I was adamant and I realized that a lot of what he does is blow smoke. So it gave me confidence to realize that a lot of the times he's full of it. However today I was unsure if he was blowing smoke about breaking up because he sounded very serious and not angered. In reviewing my own behavior I should have called his bluff as I have in the past I don't know why I didn't have the strength to do that today. However I know this is not a straight line. In the last 30 days I have tried to distance myself and not give in and in hopes that it would push him away and make him break up with me. I am debating tomorrow telling him he should go with his initial decision about breaking up today and put it back on him. I will be thinking about that tonight. Unfortunately my education and background is in this area so I should know better- in theory-it doesn't always work out that way. But I am grateful for my background it is allowed me to recognize the pathology.