I tried so hard and she filed for divorce

[Moselle]

She has finally filed for divorce after working with her to try and salvage this marriage of 14 years.

I'm gutted, shattered, confused and distraught... I fear for my childen. I fear for my future.

But I am grateful to be splitting from someone I was scared to grow old with.

[Mutt]

Hi Moselle,

I'm sorry to hear that.

14 years is a long history.

Divorce is hard and especially hard when your partner has a personality disorder. I can relate with fearing what may happen with the children and the future. Understand that she's at the emotional level of a 2-4 year old and acting out.

Has she circulated distortions about you to family, friends?

Hang in there.

[billypilgrim]

But I am grateful to be splitting from someone I was scared to grow old with.

It's great that you see this already.  You are leaps and bounds ahead of where I was with mine when things ended.

It's cliche.  And it probably feels empty right now.  But she did give you a gift by letting you out.  I hesitate to even give that advice because I hated hearing that from folks.  It just felt like everything I put into the relationship was for naught.

Had she not left, I would have made it work for another 6 years.  And then 6 more after that and so on.  I didn't joke around with my commitment and I gather you didn't either.  I would have stayed, fixed, you name it to make it work.  She let me out.  I still have work to do but I've got my life back.  Hopefully you will realize that soon and things will begin to pick up for you.

Best of luck. 

[Turkish]

She has finally filed for divorce after working with her to try and salvage this marriage of 14 years.

I'm gutted, shattered, confused and distraught... I fear for my children. I fear for my future.

But I am grateful to be splitting from someone I was scared to grow old with.

I remember thinking this over a year before the r/s started breaking down, that I would leave and go someplace where I knew she wouldn't want to follow. I knew I would never have peace. I often wish I had found this board a year earlier, but aside form the emotional dysregulations, I think our core values and world-views were fundamentally different. Then I thought to myself, "she's going to pick up on my feelings... .how long can I stretch this r/s out, 3 years? 7?" She made the choice for me.

You've been around a while, M. You know where to post here for specific help. I also invite you to post to the Co-Parenting Board, if you haven't read it much, to get tools to protect your children. Above all, think of the rule for First Responders: protect yourself first. You won't be able to help your children if you don't take care of yourself first.