I have been in a "relationship" with someone for 4 years who has insisted I keep it a secret. He has never even told his very best friend that he ever saw me as more than a friend even when he told me our relationship was exclusive. He tells me I am full of and that I am disrespectful to him and that I neglect him and that our friendship falling apart is all my fault. Sometimes I know he is so wrong but sometimes he makes me question whether or not I am a good person. It's like he is heroin. I know the situation isn't healthy. But I know he was abused as a child. I keep going back. I have a kid and I know it isn't good for her to be around his unpredictable moods but I can't seem to kick him. It is so painful. I also no that if I try to walk away I will get all the "I knew you always hated me" and "It's all your fault" stuff that stems from his abandonment issues. I just need to connect with other people who get how hard it is and who can reassure me that I am not a terrible person.
Thanks.
Welcome! That must be hard to know you shouldn't be involved with someone yet not have the strength to do anything about it, YET! You have codependent written all over you MamaBear. You can't control him so your only play is to work on yourself and I'd start here:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationshipsBest,
BVOM
