Dreams

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I keep getting dreams of me bursting into the room late one night and confronting the replacement and telling him - look, dude, it's not what you think... the castle will come collapsing down one day in that A) She's a diagnosed Borderline B) She replaced me with you because of that and C) all that raging, all the negativity, it's down to that. etc

I type now from the relative bliss of well over six months NO contact - I feel close at times to message the replacement, which would break NC by proxy, but I feel vindication of another kind - I KNOW that she's mentally ill, in my   I know there's nothing I can do for her, I tried anything and everything, this replacement (and I'd spell this out) is unlikely to ever match me pound for pound in terms of having the insight - that's what helped us get through, I carried us five and a half years emotionally - and I doubt he, someone plucked out of replacementville, could ever do it. I feel BLESSED to have gotten rid of that nasty piece of work (anyone who knows they are ill and yet not offer such a tiny thing as 'sorry, I'm ill' and even as I type these words  I feel like aborting this message and doing it, contacting this replacement - and the dreams would stop overnight literally!  It's a Freudian thing, I know it's a conscious desire to try and t least claw back some semblance of closure and TRUST ME spelling it out to him would do that -  as I say, the ex is DIAGNOSED for Godsake, she's Bona Fide, I'd want to explain the cycle, when he is lying dying ... .that it's all part of the mental illness... .but I can't get involved he gladly accepted the relationship and I think he should gladly take what that entails - but one day, board, honest, I will break free - what is stopping me - and demolish those walls as I could do so easily and what she, the borderline, at the very least deserves. Obv. if I am having these weekly dreams I have a desire at some level to do it -  OR should I stay strong, be the better man (as I am!) and just let nature take its course (which it willllllll!)

Thoughts? 

[allweareisallweare]

I keep getting dreams of me bursting into the room late one night and confronting the replacement and telling him - look, dude, it's not what you think... the castle will come collapsing down one day in that A) She's a diagnosed Borderline B) She replaced me with you because of that and C) all that raging, all the negativity, it's down to that. etc

I type now from the relative bliss of well over six months NO contact - I feel close at times to message the replacement, which would break NC by proxy, but I feel vindication of another kind - I KNOW that she's mentally ill, in my   I know there's nothing I can do for her, I tried anything and everything, this replacement (and I'd spell this out) is unlikely to ever match me pound for pound in terms of having the insight - that's what helped us get through, I carried us five and a half years emotionally - and I doubt he, someone plucked out of replacementville, could ever do it. I feel BLESSED to have gotten rid of that nasty piece of work (anyone who knows they are ill and yet not offer such a tiny thing as 'sorry, I'm ill' and even as I type these words  I feel like aborting this message and doing it, contacting this replacement - and the dreams would stop overnight literally!  It's a Freudian thing, I know it's a conscious desire to try and t least claw back some semblance of closure and TRUST ME spelling it out to him would do that -  as I say, the ex is DIAGNOSED for Godsake, she's Bona Fide, I'd want to explain the cycle, when he is lying dying ... .that it's all part of the mental illness... .but I can't get involved he gladly accepted the relationship and I think he should gladly take what that entails - but one day, board, honest, I will break free - what is stopping me - and demolish those walls as I could do so easily and what she, the borderline, at the very least deserves. Obv. if I am having these weekly dreams I have a desire at some level to do it -  OR should I stay strong, be the better man (as I am!) and just let nature take its course (which it willllllll!)

Thoughts? 

[Technique]

I've not really had one dream since my relationship concluded in late September. However, this afternoon she popped up during a leisurely nap I was enjoying.

It was typically weird. She was driving an old rubbish convertible and I also remember her having an equally tatty handbag.

I then found myself sat in the passenger seat of my Mum's car in tears. Bizarre, as I'm not missing her at all and I'm not feeling any form or residue from the dream. Strange that I would associate her with a car and a handbag 

I have engaged in a little online research and its apparently normal, part of the detatchment process...

[jhkbuzz]

I keep getting dreams of me bursting into the room late one night and confronting the replacement and telling him - look, dude, it's not what you think... the castle will come collapsing down one day in that A) She's a diagnosed Borderline B) She replaced me with you because of that and C) all that raging, all the negativity, it's down to that. etc

I type now from the relative bliss of well over six months NO contact - I feel close at times to message the replacement, which would break NC by proxy, but I feel vindication of another kind - I KNOW that she's mentally ill, in my   I know there's nothing I can do for her, I tried anything and everything, this replacement (and I'd spell this out) is unlikely to ever match me pound for pound in terms of having the insight - that's what helped us get through, I carried us five and a half years emotionally - and I doubt he, someone plucked out of replacementville, could ever do it. I feel BLESSED to have gotten rid of that nasty piece of work (anyone who knows they are ill and yet not offer such a tiny thing as 'sorry, I'm ill' and even as I type these words  I feel like aborting this message and doing it, contacting this replacement - and the dreams would stop overnight literally!  It's a Freudian thing, I know it's a conscious desire to try and t least claw back some semblance of closure and TRUST ME spelling it out to him would do that -  as I say, the ex is DIAGNOSED for Godsake, she's Bona Fide, I'd want to explain the cycle, when he is lying dying ... .that it's all part of the mental illness... .but I can't get involved he gladly accepted the relationship and I think he should gladly take what that entails - but one day, board, honest, I will break free - what is stopping me - and demolish those walls as I could do so easily and what she, the borderline, at the very least deserves. Obv. if I am having these weekly dreams I have a desire at some level to do it -  OR should I stay strong, be the better man (as I am!) and just let nature take its course (which it willllllll!)

Thoughts? 

You are still very attached... .what you are considering will not give you closure.  It's almost as if you want to tell him what you wish you could go back and tell yourself five and a half years ago.

When you imagine doing this, what do you imagine that it will accomplish? What's your "payoff" in the fantasy?

And are you seeing a T?

[eyvindr]

Hi allweareisallweare --

Dreams are good. If you're dreaming, it means you're getting quality sleep -- critical to recovery and healing. If you're remembering your dreams, it means you're in full-on processing mode.

I think jhk's interpretation makes a lot of sense -- 

You are still very attached... .what you are considering will not give you closure.  It's almost as if you want to tell him what you wish you could go back and tell yourself five and a half years ago.

Remember, our dreams aren't necessarily instructions for us to follow or implement in real life. Rather, they are snapshots into our unconscious mind's efforts to make sense out of our waking experiences. One theory on dreams is that every person who appears in our dream represents some element of our personality. Also that physical structures can represent different parts of our lives. Fascinating to think about.

Technique -- awesome dream!

I then found myself sat in the passenger seat of my Mum's car in tears. Bizarre, as I'm not missing her at all and I'm not feeling any form or residue from the dream. Strange that I would associate her with a car and a handbag.

I'd investigate the shift from it being her car, to it being your Mum's. That's interesting -- not necessarily in any negative way.

I've had lots of dreams since my break-up, but really only one or two with my ex in them -- which I find as telling as is is puzzling. One that I remember from about a week ago -- we'd met for some reason, probably to talk, and then when we were through with our conversation, I was gripped by this thorough sense of defeat -- wondering why I'd agreed to see her, knowing that now that the NC wall had fallen, we'd be right back to where we were before we split up... .